The Perfect Heart
by caffeinenut
Summary: What happens when one CSI's reason for being in Vegas is shattered?  Where will she go for comfort and understanding?
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I've never really been a Snickers fan. It's not that I was against Sara and Nick, just that I'd never given a relationship between them much thought. And then I recently watched some old episodes of CSI and this story sprang to mind.

The Perfect Heart

Chapter 1: Devastation into Love

Nick Stokes entered his apartment whistling softly to himself. He was juiced; his flight home from the American Academy of Forensic Science convention, which had been held in Chicago this year, had actually arrived back at McCarran on time. Now, he had plenty of time to get in some sleep, a shower, and maybe a dinner date with that sexy red head he'd met last week while he had been out with Warrick, all before he had to report to the Crime Lab for shift tonight. He pushed his key into the lock on his apartment door and turned it, pushing heavily on the door with his shoulder as he opened it. The door had a habit of sticking, and soon after he'd moved in almost two years ago after his encounter with Nigel Crane, he'd discovered this was the most effective way of getting that door to open.

Nick closed the door behind him and turned on the lamp that was on the table by the door. He placed his car keys and his house keys in their customary place on the table, thoughts on where to take the redhead to dinner running through his head. He was so preoccupied that he didn't even notice the person sitting on his living room couch until he practically banged into them on his way toward his bedroom.

Nick stopped right in front of Sara, a flirty remark, something along the lines of being his welcome home present about to leave his lips when he actually took in her overall appearance. Sara looked terrible. She was wearing a pair of his track pants and a Texas A&M t-shirt. Her hair was messy around her face, curling as it dried. There were two empty beer bottles on the coffee table and a third, half finished already in her hand. But what jumped out at Nick the most about Sara's appearance were her red eyes. The poor girl had been crying, and by the look of it, rather hard and for a long time.

He immediately dropped down onto the couch beside her and put an arm around her shoulders, squeezing her gently to his side. "Are you okay, Sunshine?" he asked her softly, trying to make eye contact.

Sara shrugged, frowning slightly. "I made myself at home. I hope you don't mind." Her voice sounded coarse to Nick, like she'd been using it to scream for a long time. He briefly wondered if she'd been hurt, attacked maybe and had been calling for help, but quickly discarded that idea when she softly continued. "It's finally over."

"What's finally over?" Nick questioned, rubbing her back soothingly.

"My reason for being here," she answered him, continuing to look straight ahead, effectively avoiding his concerned brown eyes.

Somehow, he knew she didn't mean his apartment, but Las Vegas itself. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, prodding, but not pushing.

Sara shook her head. "I don't know. Maybe later." She looked over at him for the first time since he'd entered his apartment and said tearfully, "I'm sorry. I knew you'd be home soon and I didn't want to be alone, so…" She stopped talking, choking up with tears.

Nick reached over and started to wipe away the ones falling from her eyes. "'S'okay, Sara. You can come over anytime. Are you hungry? Can I fix you something to eat?" Nick said gently, almost tearing up inside himself at seeing her anguish. Something was deeply, deeply wrong with Sara and he knew that he couldn't leave her alone right now. Something in him was screaming that he needed to take care of her right now, because if he didn't, he'd lose her forever. When Sara shook her head at the idea of food, Nick tried again. "You should eat something…"

"I'm not hungry," she said softly, once again turning to stare straight ahead.

"Okay," Nick murmured. "But I gotta tell ya, I'm pretty famished. I just got off a plane, I smell kinda funky, and I'm about to eat my arm for nourishment. I'm gonna go grab a quick shower, and then make myself some pancakes. I'll make extra, so if you do start to get hungry, there'll be plenty for you. Can I leave you alone for a few minutes while I shower?"

Sara nodded. "I'm not going anywhere. I don't want to be alone."

"Okay then," Nick replied. "I'll be back in a few minutes, I promise." Then he did something he'd never done before in almost four years of friendship. He leaned in and kissed Sara on her forehead. His lips lingered a moment before he slowly rose and made his way to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom, Nick closed the door most of the way, leaving the door slightly ajar. He knew he'd probably not be able to hear her over the sound of the rushing water, but leaving the door partly open satisfied Nick's fear of leaving Sara alone. He reached around the navy shower curtain and turned the knobs, first the cold, then the hot, adjusting them to the right temperature for him. As soon as he was satisfied with the water, he stripped naked and jumped behind the curtain.

When he was younger, Nick had always hated getting up early, especially if he had to go to school. He would just prefer to lie around in bed pretending to be asleep, or actually be asleep. But once he'd reached the age where he'd had to shower in the mornings, Nick hadn't liked getting up earlier. So he'd take what his mother had called warp speed showers. Then around age fifteen or so, when he'd had to start shaving, he'd learned that shaving in the shower saved him almost ten minutes in the morning. So, ever since then, Nick had been an in-the-shower shaver.

Once he'd wetted down his body and soaped up, Nick applied liberal amounts of shaving cream to his face and neck and the, using the small mirror he'd hung in the shower, began to remove his dark stubble. He knew that many women actually liked some stubble, but that Sara was not one of them. Briefly taken aback by that thought, Nick wondered where his mind was going, and then quickly refocused on the task at hand. The longer he was in the shower, the less time he was out there with Sara. Finished the shave job, he shampooed his hair then rinsed his entire body. Shutting off the water and jumping out quickly, Nick grabbed a thick, navy bath towel and dried off as best he could. Leaving the bathroom through a different door than the one he entered, Nick made his way into his bedroom, and rooted around for some clean clothes. Finally, he pulled on a dark grey Las Vegas PD t-shirt and a pair of black boxers. He gave himself the once-over in the bedroom mirror, and then returned to Sara's side. All in all, he'd been gone about fifteen minutes.

He found Sara almost exactly where he'd left her. The only difference was that her feet were now propped up on the coffee table, and a third empty beer bottle had joined the other two. A fourth bottle, only a few sips missing, was in her hand. Nick sat down in the same spot he'd occupied earlier, reached over, and removed the mostly full bottle from her hand. He took a long sip, and then placed it out of her reach. The fact that she didn't give him a dirty look for doing so scared him. Something was definitely wrong.

"You ready for some pancakes?" he asked softly, trying to draw her attention from whatever spot straight ahead she'd found so interesting.

Sara shrugged her shoulders in response. As Nick stood up to make his way to the kitchen, Sara reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling him back down onto the couch. He went willing, the look in Sara's eyes undoing him completely. She looked so scared, so tired, and so lost that Nick could feel his heart breaking for her. At that moment, he'd do anything for her, anything she'd ask if it would make that look in her eyes go away. That look of utter defeat. His best friend, who always fought, who seemed to be the toughest person he knew, had given up.

Suddenly, Sara threw her arms around him and held on tightly, burying her face against the side of his neck. In response, Nick wrapped his arms around her and slowly lowered her down with him so they were both lying on the couch. He lay on his back with Sara tucked half on him, half between him and the back of the couch. He gently rubbed her back with his right hand and his left cupped her head to his chest, fingers running through her dark hair. Sara's left arm was sandwiched between their bodies, but her right was thrown across Nick's chest, holding on to him.

As Nick gently stroked Sara's side and hip, he slipped a few fingers under the hem of her shirt to brush against her skin. He smiled as she shivered in response and snuggled in closer to him. To Nick, this was the best moment of his life. Lying here, with Sara in his arms, he couldn't ask for anything else. He knew for how long he'd loved Sara, but it finally hit him how much he loved her. Nick loved her more than his own life, her happiness and comfort were more important to him than his own. And, apparently, his own stomach. He had been attracted to her right from the start, that much he knew. And the harmless flirting the two of them had engaged in had been fun. Sara hadn't had any expectations from it, and neither did Nick, or so he had told himself at the time. Deep down, however, Nick knew he had been lying to himself. It was easy to pinpoint when he'd decided that he had wanted to be more than her friend; it had been when he first had competition for Sara's affections. To be precise, when Hank Pettigrew entered the scene. Suddenly, Nick saw any future plans with Sara dissolve right before his eyes, all because he'd been too afraid to directly ask her out on a proper date. He had tried, had implied as much when he'd told her to get out more. He had meant to come out with him and have some date-like fun, but whether because Sara didn't get his underlying meaning, or because he didn't give enough of a hint, Sara chose Hank to be her date. When he'd learned from Sara the reason she and Hank had ended it, he'd seen red. The first thought to jump into his mind had been where to hide Hank's body so that it would never be found and linked to him. Then he'd taken in the teary look on his best friend's face, wrapped an arm around her shoulder, and preceded to watch John Hughes films and eat chocolate ice cream all day. A few days later, he'd tried to ask her out again, testing to see if the waters were clear for another man to enter her life by talking about 'a buddy'. When she made it clear she wasn't interested in another relationship at that time, he dropped it, sad at heart, but knowing that Sara was telling the truth that she wasn't ready to let someone else it like that yet.

With Sara lying on him, her breathing even and suggesting sleep, Nick's heart swelled with his love for her. He loved her and was deeply in love with her. It hit him then, the importance of this feeling of total love and devotion, and as he mulled it over in excitement. He had never felt this strongly about anyone before. She was his first thought of the day, and his last. He knew that he'd loved her, been in love with her, for a long time. He could pinpoint the exact date and time that he'd fallen in love with Sara Sidle. It had been a Tuesday. Tuesday, April 22nd to be exact, the year 2003. He had requested her help on a case that was bugging Brass, the one where the wife had been found dead in the bathtub, the grieving husband cleared and her death ruled an accident. And then three weeks later, Brass finds the husband out with a twenty-something blonde and a hot new car. Truth be told, he'd sought out Sara on this case. He generally enjoyed working with her, found her mind to be very sharp and he valued her opinion. Plus, she was the only one who could tolerate his desire to listen to country music and never forced him to change the CD while driving to the crime scene. He'd once questioned her about it, asking her how the only person he'd ever known who could carry on a conversation about music with Greg and his love of hard rock and obscure bands could listen to country music. She'd just shrugged and told him it was all part of the Nicky package. And then she'd surprised him by singing a few lines along with John Michael Montgomery.

That music conversation had taken place about a week prior to him falling completely in love with Sara. There she was, trying desperately to take down that towel rack over the tub, tugging on it with all her might, hanging from it, yanking desperately, and all Nick could think about was how much he wanted to pull her away, spin her around, and kiss her senseless for trying so hard to help him. That's when he knew he was a gonner, that he was put on this Earth to love Sara and only Sara. Only, Sara's heart had other designs, namely their boss, Gil Grissom. And so, Nick was resigned to the fact that he'd only be able to love her from afar.

He was pulled from his thoughts by movement on his chest. And wetness. Sara was crying again. She was awake, holding on to him, and crying into his chest. He continued to rub her back and her head, leaning down a little to gently kiss the top of her head. "Hey there, Sunshine. Whatever it is, you can tell me about it. I'm not going anywhere."

Sniffing softly, Sara buried herself into him and answered, all choked up, "I'm not worth it, Nick."

"Not worth…what are you talking about?" Nick asked, confused.

"He told…he told the suspect that he could love me, but that he couldn't take the risk…" Sara sniffed again, absently running her hand up and down Nick's chest. "I'm not worth risking his career and life…" Sara, if possible, snuggled in even closer to Nick.

Nick frowned. There was no need for Sara to tell him who this person was. He knew it was the same person whom she'd cried over eight months earlier after having put herself out there and asking him out for dinner, which he'd turned down without any hesitation. His hand made wider circles on her back, reaching up under her shirt from her neck down to her hip, and then back up, fingers giving a feathery touch, causing her to shiver again. In response, Sara ran her hand up under his shirt, stroking his chest.

"Sara…" Nick began his voice thick with growing desire.

"What's wrong with me, Nick? What's so wrong with me that no one could want me?"

"That's not true, Sar," Nick began, not sure if he should tell her the truth about his feeling, especially right now in light of what she'd just revealed to him. Sara was in an incredibly vulnerable state, and as much as he wanted her and to prove to her that she was most definitely wanted, he wanted it to be at the right time, and not where she'd probably regret it in the morning, or feel that he'd taken advantage of her.

Sara leaned up, putting both her hands under Nick's shirt, levering herself over him, staring down into his eyes. "Please, Nick," she said huskily, "I need to feel desired right now…I need to feel loved…" Slowly, Sara leaned down, pressing her soft lips to his. Instantly, Nick's body responded, his hands wrapping around her back, pulling her down onto him completely, even though his brain screamed at him that now was not the right time to do this. His body told his brain to shut up by grinding his hips up into Sara's and opening his mouth, tongue snaking out to run against her closed lips. Immediately, Sara's mouth opened to his and their tongues dueled inside her mouth for dominance, which Sara quickly acceded to him.

Nick broke the kiss after a few moments, framing Sara's face with his hands, looking into her dark brown eyes. He was trying to gauge her state of mind. Did she realize what she was doing? Did she want this as much as he did? What she saw reflected in her eyes were his own feelings of love and desire. Sara wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her. He gently moved a stray piece of hair off of Sara's cheek, brushing his thumb against her face as she did so. She turned her head and kissed his palm, then returned to staring into Nick's eyes. "Yes, Nicky, I want this, too," she whispered to him before returning her lips to his.

Nick groaned into Sara's mouth, pleasure running all throughout his body. His hands were all over her, her back, her sides, moving around to her front. He couldn't get enough of her, and it seemed that she couldn't get enough of him, pushing his shirt up as far as their lip lock would let it go. He pulled away briefly so that he could pull his shirt over his head, and then crushed his lips back onto hers. After what felt like hours, but might have only been seconds, Nick pushed Sara back gently, stood up and offered her his hand. She took it without hesitation, and he led her back into his bedroom.

tbc


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Listen to Me

The sensation of hunger awoke Nick a few hours later. His stomach was softly growling, reminding him that he needed nourishment soon. As he slowly came back to full consciousness, he became aware of a weight on his left arm, and that his right arm was hooked up and over something solid, but soft. And rhythmically moving up and down. Opening his eyes, he saw a dark curtain of hair just centimeters from the tip of his nose. Speaking of his nose, he inhaled the citrus scent of oranges and something else he wasn't quite able to place. There was a woman spooned up against him, and then, what had happened earlier came back with a bang.

He'd slept with Sara.

Nick gently slid his arm out from under her head and sat up, taking in her appearance. Sara lay on her side, her back against his chest with the sheets pulled up almost to her chin. Judging by how the sheets clung to her body, he guessed she was still naked underneath, as was he. He let his side of the sheets pool around his waist as he sat up and looked over her to see if she was still sleeping. Her eyes were closed and she made no movement as he leaned over her, so he assumed she was still in dreamland. Sighing deeply, Nick sat back and scrubbed his face with his hands. What had he done?

I'll tell you what you've done, a loud voice inside his head screamed at him. You just slept with your best friend, the woman you love, while she was in her most vulnerable state ever and have now just ruined any chance at a relationship with her as well as your friendship with her. That's what.

Maybe not, a soft voice countered. She said she wanted this, too. It's possible that she wasn't just saying that to make herself feel better, but that she really did want you.

Nick felt like a character in a cartoon, one with a devil on his left shoulder and an angel on his right, each whispering to him like a conscience. He shook his head a few times, trying to rid himself of those voices before looking over at Sara again. Sara, who was sleeping so peacefully next to him, who looked so beautiful that Nick couldn't help it but reach out and gently run his fingers up and down her hip. She stirred briefly and Nick stilled his fingers, barely breathing, not sure if he wanted her to wake up or remain asleep. When it appeared that she remained sleeping, he let out the breath he'd been holding, removed his fingers and left the bed before his body did anything else of its own volition, throwing on his discarded pair of boxers. Being as quiet as possible, he left his bedroom and made his way to the kitchen, making sure the door remained slightly open behind him, in case Sara woke and needed him.

The first thing Nick did when he entered the kitchen was start the coffee. He wanted it, and he knew that as soon as Sara woke up, she'd want coffee too, even before she said hello to him. The second thing Nick did was take out all the ingredients he would need to make chocolate chip pancakes from scratch. His mother had taught him how to cook starting at an early age, so that by the time he was on his own, he could feed himself. Then, he'd learned what an impression his good cooking made on women. He hoped it would impress Sara as well.

Sara. His mind wandered to the events of a few hours ago as he slowly stirred the pancake batter. It had been wonderful, the most amazing experience of his life. Being with Sara had been perfect. They'd fit perfectly, both physically and metaphorically. It had been as if the whole world has stopped, as if they were the only two people in existence for the entire time. He knew what she'd been thinking and feeling and she knew the same. Neither had had to say anything to know what the other wanted; it had almost been an instinct, making love to Sara. They had suddenly become one in mind, body, and spirit. He knew that was a bit cliché, but there it was. It was a connection he'd never felt with anyone before, and never wanted to feel with anyone else other than Sara.

He just hoped that Sara was feeling even a fraction of what he was, or else their friendship, and anything else that might stem from it, was over. And without Sara in his life, as a friend or anything else, his life just wasn't worth as much.

He looked to the hallway then, sensing Sara standing there, watching him, wearing the same clothes he'd found her in when he'd come home. He tried to gauge the look on her face, her stance and pose, but was unable to come up with anything other than the fact that she was in desperate need of a cup of coffee. Abandoning the pancake batter, which was nearly ready anyway, he poured her a cup of Columbian blend coffee and slowly walked over to her, offering her the Dallas Cowboys mug. His favorite Dallas Cowboys mug. He hoped she'd see that and takes it as a sign that he was happy about what had happened and that he would do anything for her.

Nick stood right up into Sara, invading her personal space to hand her the coffee. It took her a moment, and after rubbing her eyes briefly and sniffing the mug, she took it and offered a small smile in thanks. Quickly retreating, Nick went back to the kitchen stove and started to pour the pancake batter on to the griddle, measuring out nice, evenly sized and spaced pancakes. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sara take a small sip of coffee and then slowly make her way to the round table in the kitchen. She sat down facing him and held the coffee out in front of her, as if to shield her. Nick knew that if she didn't say anything in a few minutes, he'd have to break the ice. He'd just wished she would, since he already knew what he was feeling, but had no idea what was going on inside her head. It would make having a conversation much easier if he did; they he wouldn't be so afraid of saying the wrong thing and scaring her away. Because, no matter what they said, he was going to make damn sure that Sara knew how much he cared about her before she left his apartment this day.

"I'm sorry," Sara squeaked softly from the table, face bent downward so she wouldn't have to look into his eyes.

"Sorry for what?" Nick asked casually from the stove as he flipped his pancakes over.

"For what happened between us," Sara answered, still keeping her gaze on the table.

"You're sorry that we slept together? Are you saying that it didn't mean anything to you?" Nick questioned, suddenly scared. This was not exactly the conversation he'd been expecting, or even hoping for. He'd figured that he'd be the one doing the apologizing to her for taking advantage of her in her vulnerable state

"No, Nick, no. I just…I mean…I…" She looked up then, pleading with her eyes for him to understand.

"Because it sure as hell meant something to me last night," Nick declared, too upset to actually see the anguish on Sara's pale face. "It was special to me, Sara. You're special to me, and…" He stopped, not really sure what he was trying to say.

"I only meant that I was sorry I took advantage of you, Nick!" Sara practically shouted to make sure he heard her.

"Huh? Took advantage of me? What?" he asked, now thoroughly confused. He looked at her quizzically, biting his bottom lip and furrowing his brow. She looked so upset, so sorry, so full of fear that it was all Nick could do to keep from running over to her and wrapping her up in his arms and vowing never to let her go. Then, he did the unexpected; he laughed out loud.

"What's so funny?" Sara demanded in a hurt tone.

"Nothing, really, just that that was the last thing I expected you to say to me. I had it figured that I'd be apologizing to you for taking advantage of you," Nick said, eyes twinkling. "You having taken advantage of me was the furthest thing from my mind."

"But I was the one who came over here and practically forced you into, uh, comforting me with, ah, sex," Sara informed him, turning as red as a strawberry in embarrassment, shifting uncomfortably in place on the chair.

"Yeah, you really twisted my arm on that one, Sunshine," Nick sarcastically replied, smiling broadly at her.

"You mean you, uh, wanted to sleep with me?" Sara asked incredulously.

Pancakes forgotten, Nick came over and knelt in front of Sara, taking her hands in his and squeezing them gently. He stared at her with his dark brown eyes, trying to convey all the love he could into her through his gaze. "I wanted to make love to you. Sara, you didn't force me into anything. I didn't do anything last night that I hadn't wanted to do for a very long time. I just never thought I'd ever get the chance. You seemed so wrapped up in Grissom to the exclusion of anyone else, even though he didn't always treat you right."

"Nicky," Sara started to protest, but Nick cut her off by placing a finger on her soft, pink lips.

"No, I want you to listen to me now, okay? I know it may be hard for you to hear, but he really hasn't treated you the way you deserve to be treated. Sometimes, I wonder why you haven't given up on him, but I know that it's because you feel you love him, and you can't choose who you fall in love with. Believe me, I know," he emphasized, bringing one of her hands to his lips and planting a kiss on her palm. "And I've also thought that maybe you fixated on Grissom because he was unobtainable and that way, as long as you were focused on him, you couldn't be hurt by someone else, someone who may truly love you who you could love back."

"I've often wondered that myself," Sara admitted, and when she saw Nick's shocked look she elaborated. "It's hard for me to trust people, to let them in. Maybe Grissom was a way to keep others at bay without even realizing it."

"But the fact of the matter is, Sara, that you still get hurt by Grissom. Constantly." Nick leaned in towards Sara and brushed a stray lock of hair off her cheek and hooked it behind her ear, leaving his hand on her cheek. "I would never treat you like he does. I would never hurt you like he does. I would love you like you deserve to be loved."

"Nick," Sara said tearfully, beginning to fully understand where Nick was going with this conversation, "I'm not sure I'm ready to give you what you want…"

"I know you're not, Darlin', otherwise we wouldn't have slept together; we would have waited until it was right for us. What we just did, it was about comfort and friendship, not love, and that's okay right now. I can live with just being here for you whatever way you need, even comfort sex. But I do want you to know what's out there for you, when you are ready. I've watched you circle Grissom for almost four years. I've waited this long; I can wait longer. You're well worth it."

Nick watched as the tears Sara had been forcing at bay slowly made their way down her freckled cheeks. He reached around her to the window sill behind her and pulled a tissue out of the dispenser, holding it out to her. Sara sniffed and wiped her nose with the tissue Nick offered her. "I just…I don't regret anything we did. But I don't…I don't want to hurt you, you know? I don't want to use you to make myself feel better. And I certainly don't want this to ruin our friendship."

"I promise you it won't," Nick assured Sara, running one of his hands through her dark hair. "And about what happened between us, it won't affect our friendship and how I feel about you. And. well, it doesn't have to happen again. Not until we're both ready for this relationship and we both want it."

"Whoa there, Cowboy. You're getting a little ahead of yourself, aren't you?" Sara asked.

"I don't think so. It's only a matter of time before you fall for me," Nick grinned roguishly.

"So, you're not mad at me?" Sara asked, a little tremor of fear still in her voice.

"Not even a little bit," Nick replied, trying to assuage her fears.

Sara sniffed the air, and then looked at Nick as smiled. "I think your pancakes are burning." Jumping up quickly, Nick raced back to the stove and turned it off. Grabbing a pot holder, he picked up the griddle and placed it on an unused burner. With a spatula, he tried to pry off the burned on pancakes, making a huge mess. In the end, he filled up his sink with soapy water and stuck the griddle in there to soak.

"Plan B," he announced grandly, taking down a frying pan from one of the hooks over the stove and then spraying it with cooking spray. "A frying pan works almost as well as a griddle."

"You're determined to have these pancakes, huh?" Sara asked, smiling grandly for the first time all day.

"I'm determined for you to have them," Nick countered. "You need to eat, and I'm trying to impress you with my cooking skills."

"I don't deserve this. Or you," Sara said sadly.

"Stop it, Sara. You do. In fact, you deserve far more than I can ever give you, but I'm going to try to give you everything, anyway," Nick informed her pointedly, trying to end her way of thinking. "You're very special, and it's about time someone told you. And I'll tell you over and over, everyday if I have to, until you believe it. Then, I'll continue to tell you just because I want to."

"But, Nick…" Sara pleaded, trying to get a word in edgewise.

"No, Sara. You're beautiful, smart, funny, beautiful, wonderful, special…did I mention beautiful? It's about time you heard all of that, and more. Now here," he said, kissing the top of her head as he plopped a plate of pancakes down in front of her, drowned in syrup, "Eat these because I know you'll like them, and then I'll take you home so you can change before shift starts tonight."

Nodding her head, she dug into the pancakes, unaware until that very moment how hungry she was. She smiled at Nick to let him know how good those pancakes were, and continued to eat as he added some to another plate and joined her at the table.

"Thanks, Nicky," Sara said, smiling at him. "For everything."

"Forever, Sara. I'll do it again and forever," he replied, smiling back.

tbc


	3. Chapter 3

The Perfect Heart

Chapter 3: Interrogation

Warrick Brown looked over at his teammate in the passenger seat of the Lab's Denali and frowned in confusion. Sara Sidle was humming. Sara Sidle never hums, especially on the way to a crime scene. He'd heard from Nick that she'd once sung softly while working on a case in the lab with him, but that was the one and only time he'd ever heard of her doing anything musical like that. And now here she was, humming along to REM as he drove them out into the boondocks for their death with suspicious circs.

"Hey, Sara," he began after a few more minutes. He certainly didn't want to interrupt her good humming, or her good mood for that matter, but he was extremely curious as to what had brought this on. For the past few weeks she'd been pretty depressed, between her semi-fight with Catherine, her competition with Nick over the promotion (which they hadn't heard anything about yet), and the continuing escalation of tension between her and Grissom. The case they'd all worked on over the past few days, minus Nick at the conference, had gotten to their supervisor; everyone could see that. Warrick had his suspicions as to why, and believed it had been mostly due to the striking resemblance the victim, Debbie Marlin, had to Sara. Of course, Grissom would never admit to any of that, or any kind of feelings towards Sara, thus the tension between the two.

Sara stopped humming and looked over at him. "Yeah, Warrick?" she asked.

"You have a good ear for music," he replied, smiling at her and then returning his eyes to the road. "Did anyone ever tell you that?"

Sara shrugged. "Nick told me I have a good voice, once, but I don't believe that."

"You should. You're humming was right on key, the perfect pitch. Have you ever done anything musical before, like singing or playing an instrument?" Warrick questioned, trying to keep the conversation going so that he could surreptitiously find out what was so hum worthy.

"Nah," Sara shook her head and laughed sarcastically. "Musical talent wasn't important in my house when I was a kid. I just listened to music a lot. I was never interested in where it came from or how to produce it." She looked at him again and raised her eyebrows cautiously. "Why all the music questions? Are you looking for someone to jam with you, Mr. Musician?"

"No," Warrick replied quickly. "I've never heard you hum before and I was just wondering why the sudden musical accompaniment? What's got you in such a good mood?"

"Nothing," Sara answered quickly. A little too quickly in Warrick's opinion, meaning there was something she was hiding. He glanced over at her out of the corner of his eye and caught her blushing furiously, avoiding eye contact and trying to suppress an embarrassed smile.

"Really?" Warrick asked, disbelievingly. "Because, whatever it is, you should keep at it. I like this side of you."

"Yeah?" Sara squeaked, squirming uncomfortably. "Well, I just, uh, had a good day, that's all, no big deal. I mean, well, I had some fun and…well, that's about it."

"Sara Sidle," Warrick accused, eyes sparkling in laughter, "You were with a guy today, weren't you." He made the last part a statement, rather than a question.

"Uh, well, ah, see, I was…" Sara stammered, turning an even brighter shade of red. Now she looked more like a sunburned lobster than a strawberry. "I'm really not ready to talk about it yet, Warrick."

"Okay, that's cool," Warrick assured her quickly. "I'm not going to pry; it's enough that I know you do have a life and can have some fun. Let's me know that I don't have to worry so much about you, you know. If you ever want to talk about it, you can with me. I won't go blabbing it around the lab, like some other people we both know."

"I know you won't Warrick," Sara told him, now no longer embarrassed. "It's just that, well, I'm not really sure where this thing is going to go, and until I do, I don't want to talk about it. He's a great guy, and I feel that if I talk about it too much, I might jinx it, you know?"

"Yeah, I hear ya," Warrick agreed, nodding his head, reaching out with one hand to squeeze hers in understanding.

He continued to glance at her out of the corner of his eye as they made their way in the Denali to the crime scene. She was quiet now, no longer humming, but she had a small smile on her face that spoke volumes to Warrick. This guy, whoever he was, was definitely worming his way into Sara's heart, and for that, Warrick was grateful, just so long as he really was a great guy. God help him if he ever hurt Sara.

Nick stared out the backseat window, not really taking in any scenery as the Denali flew down Fremont Street. He figured that if he stared out the window the others in the car wouldn't question him about the slightly goofy grin he was sure he was sporting, and had been sporting ever since he'd made Sara eat his pancakes. It was silly, he knew, getting his hopes up like this, but he couldn't stop it. He knew Sara still had to work through her feelings for Grissom, and then get past the point where Nick would be just a rebound guy, before they could ever truly have a relationship, but still, Nick smiled and thought only of her and of what they'd be to each other.

He knew that he could get his hear seriously broken if things didn't work out the way he hoped. Sara may decide she still wants to be with Grissom after all. Or that, though she really liked Nick, she didn't love him or want to be in a relationship with him. Or that, in fear of using him too much, she'd pull away, and then some other guy could come sweeping in and steal her right out from under him. The list went on and on, and still, Nick smiled. He refused to believe any of that; he didn't care about any of that. Sara had come to him for comfort, and hadn't run away in fear afterwards. That had been a big step for her, opening up and letting him in, just a little. Nick knew that more bothered her, and he desperately wanted to know what Grissom had said or done to make Sara feel she wasn't worth anything, but he also knew he couldn't press her, or she'd clam up and he'd lose whatever steps he'd gained in her trust and love. She'd tell him when she was ready, he was sure of that.

Nick's mind brought him back to events earlier in the day, and Sara with her brilliant smile graded his mind. And how soft she was as he held her and stroked her skin. How warm she was as he pulled her against him. How sweet she tasted as he kissed her lips gently. How wonderful and incredible she felt. How amazing the experience had been. How she made him feel so happy and excited and scared and protective all at once…

"That must have been some girl you met at the conference," a voice broke through his hazy thoughts, bringing Nick back to reality.

"Huh?" Nick asked, smile disappearing to be replaced by confusion as he looked to the two people in the front seat.

Catherine was sitting in the passenger's seat, craning her head around to look at him, a knowing smile on her face, eyes sparking in amusement. "I was just commenting on whomever put that deliciously goofy on you face. She must have been something," Catherine informed him teasingly, whistling softly at the end.

"She is," Nick replied cautiously. "But I didn't meet her at the conference. She lives here in Vegas."

"Then that must have been some welcome home present," Catherine revised. "Who is she, Nicky? Do we know her? How long has this been going on?"

Nick shrugged. "We're not exactly together…"

"So, friends with benefits?" Catherine asked. Nick, and he was sure Grissom as well, was grateful that Catherine had used the non vulgar euphemism for her question.

Nick shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He had been hoping that no one would notice how happy he was feeling and question him on it, especially if they suspected a girl was the reason. He wasn't sure how to answer, but knew that he couldn't betray Sara in any way. She wasn't ready for a relationship with him yet, and therefore she certainly wasn't ready for people to know that they'd slept together. Panicking slightly, Nick glanced over at the back of Grissom's head, to see if he was paying any attention, but as usual, his supervisor wasn't giving anything away. Grissom's gaze was solely fixed on the road ahead, both hands holding the steering wheel as he guided the car through crowded streets towards the Lucky Lady strip club and their crime scene.

"Look, Cath," Nick began nervously. "There isn't anything to tell yet. I like this girl, and I think she's starting to feel the same towards me, but nothing's happened yet, okay? When it does, believe me, you'll know; I'll probably be shouting it from the rooftops. But until then, can we just leave it alone, alright?"

"So, you told her how you feel?" Catherine pressed, completely ignoring Nick's plea.

"'Course I did," Nick replied, hoping to end the conversation and soon, before he gave too much away. Telling Catherine anything remotely related to a love life a terrible idea. Though he had no doubt she'd keep the woman a secret, he was sure she'd tease him mercilessly, and in front of the others as well so they'd get their digs in. Catherine knew how to keep her mouth shut when it mattered, he knew that from experience with her, but this was something he wasn't sure he could get complete secrecy on from her.

Plus, Grissom was sitting right there. How could he possibly tell Catherine he was in love with Sara with Grissom right there? All it would get him was a month or two of working only decomps, and no cases paired with Sara.

"Well, was it easy for you?" Catherine asked curiously, glancing over at Grissom, and then back to him.

"What do you mean?" Nick asked suspiciously.

"I mean, weren't you scared?"

"Yeah," Nick replied slowly. "I was scared of a lot of things, like that she may not return my feelings, or that it would ruin our friendship. But I had to tell her; I care about her too much not to, you know."

"There's a lesson here for you, Gil," Catherine informed their supervisor. "Listen and learn."

Then it hit Nick exactly what Catherine had been doing. She was trying to get Grissom to take a risk and tell Sara exactly how he felt. Suddenly, Nick didn't feel so happy anymore. He began to feel nauseous and dizzy. What if Grissom takes Catherine's advice and says something to Sara? What then? Where would that leave him in Sara's life? What exactly had happened between Sara and Grissom while he'd been away in Chicago?

"Stay out of it, Catherine," Grissom snapped back at the blonde, turning the SUV hard into the parking lot of the Lucky Lady.

"Brass said she heard…"

"That's enough, Catherine," Grissom warned dangerously, reaching behind him to grab his kit, then throwing open the driver's side door and exiting the Denali, slamming it shut behind him.

With a quick glance at Nick and a shrug of her shoulders, Catherine followed Grissom to the strip club, CSI kit in hand. Nick took a moment to compose himself and to try to push thoughts of Sara from his mind. Of course, that didn't work, and after listening to Catherine and Grissom, he only thought of her more. Sighing heavily, he followed his co-workers in to the Lucky Lady and tried to focus on work.

For the first time in a long time, Sara was sick at a crime scene. As soon as she'd seen the body, she'd bolted from the surrounding area at a dead run, hoping to get far enough away to keep contamination to a minimum before she brought up all the pancakes Nick had insisted she eat and puked them all over the ground. She had prided herself on being strong, not letting grisly scenes upset her too much, and having a strong stomach for the obscene. But even this had gotten to her. As she and Warrick walked up to Detective Brass, Sara had glanced over at their victim and all she'd seen was mangled body parts, both internal and external, and lots and lots of blood. And she'd been sick.

She heard someone kneel down beside her and felt them rub her back gently. "You okay, Sara?" It was Brass. "I know that was pretty gruesome; some of my guys were puking, too. You feel okay?"

Sara nodded, not yet ready to trust opening her mouth. She took a few deep breaths, and then tried to stand up, only to wobble back down, Brass catching her so she wouldn't fall. He handed her a water bottle, which she took as graciously as she could and rinsed her mouth out, wiping her face when she was done. Embarrassed at her inability to cope well with the disgusting scene, Sara kept her face averted. The last time she'd ever been sick over a crime scene had been well over two years ago, when she and Nick had been working on Liquid Man. Where she'd met Hank. To quickly push thoughts of that jerk aside, Sara's mind brought up Nick. He'd teased her mercilessly about flirting, but hadn't said anything when he watched her puke a few hours later into a bucket as they dealt with Liquid Man's clothes. He didn't tease her after it happened; instead he'd pretended that it hadn't. And he'd never brought it up in front of the others. He had known how important it was to her to project this tough as nails persona for everyone, that she could deal with all things great and gross without losing her lunch. Sara loved him for that.

"I'm okay now," Sara informed her friend, thoughts of Nick insulating her. "I, uh, just had a moment there. What got him? Is it a him?"

"Drivers license says his name is Christopher McKabe, age 31. Lists the house as his place of residence," Brass rattled off. "No one else around that we could find. We didn't touch too much, since you and Warrick were on your way. David should be here soon to clear the body for us."

"Any idea what happened to him?" Sara asked, steady enough now to stand up. Brass followed her and together they walked back to the crime scene where Warrick was already working.

"Some wild animal maybe?" Brass theorized as the two came up on the kneeling CSI.

"Looks that way," Warrick confirmed. "My guess, mountain lion. Get a look at these tracks," he pointed.

"Woah," Sara agreed softly, staring. The footprints of a very large animal were all around the victim's body. One giant paw pad, with four smaller pads in an arc above it, all ovoid in shape. "I'll photograph and cast these prints, but I bet we're not looking at a homicide at all, just a vicious animal attack."

"Yeah, but only if this mountain lion can fire a gun," Warrick replied sardonically, holding up a shell casing with his forceps.

tbc


	4. Chapter 4

The Perfect Heart

Chapter 4: The Decision to Chose

Detective Jim Brass scoured the halls of the Las Vegas Crime Lab looking for either Warrick or Sara. He had some news for them regarding the case the three had been working on for the past week involving the shot and disemboweled man and the mountain lion. During the course of their investigation, Warrick and Sara had uncovered a ring of people who collected dangerous animals and kept them in private, illegal, menageries. The victim, Christopher McKabe, had accidentally stumbled across one of these private menageries while bird watching and had most likely been killed to keep him quiet, then fed to one of the mountain lions kept as a "pet" to try to cover up the murder. Sara and Warrick had narrowed the suspect to one man, Charles Edward Harris, a prominent business owner in the greater Las Vegas area. Charles Harris owned about thirty strip clubs in the city, all very popular. They were only waiting on a warrant to be able to search Mr. Harris's house for a gun to match against the bullet casing Warrick had found. But now, that might all be moot. Brass had come to tell Sara and Warrick that their suspect had been killed, eaten by one of his own dangerous creatures, quite possibly the same one who had destroyed the body of Christopher McKabe.

As Brass rounded a corner and came upon Grissom's office, he could hear a heated conversation taking place inside. He couldn't quite make out what they were saying, but he could tell it wasn't a happy conversation. One voice was decidedly male, and attempting to be placating, while the other was a woman's, a bit more shrill and angry. Man, was the woman letting the man have it. Brass moved closer, keeping out of the line of sight of the people in Grissom's office, and stopped right outside the door, listening in. Normally, he would have avoided eavesdropping, believing such childish things were beneath everyone at the lab, except maybe for Hodges, but the tone of the woman's voice made him stop and listen. Something serious was being discussed and argued, and Brass wanted to make sure nothing terrible happened because of it. Once he'd moved closer, he was able to decipher the voices and wasn't surprised at all to discover they belonged to Sara and Grissom. Sara and Grissom arguing again. Sara calling Grissom out on the carpet, and Grissom being deliberately obtuse and pretending not to know what Sara was talking about.

"Sara, look, I'm sorry that you feel that way…" Grissom was attempting to explain as Sara angrily cut him off.

"Don't you dare start that Grissom! This isn't about me; it's about you, and your inability to respect me because of our own insecurities!"

"Sara, I do respect you…"

"Bullshit, Grissom! If you did respect me, then you would have listened to my theory fully, and not been completely dismissive!" Sara was shouting at him, getting louder and louder.

"I wasn't dismissive," Grissom replied defensively, voice hardening up in anger of his own.

"Yes, you were! What are you so god-damn afraid of, Grissom, when it comes to me? That actually listening to me, agreeing with me, liking me and my work, will put your solitary little life and perfect career at risk?" Sara asked snidely.

"Sara," Grissom said, not remorseful in the least, in Brass's opinion.

"Believe me, nothing you say or do will put your life at risk; you're too much of a coward for that. And, really, I'm just too tired of it all to care anymore."

Brass's eyes widened at the implication of Sara's words. She as good as admitted that she was over Grissom, no longer going to try to get him to notice her and spend time with her, and possibly start a relationship. She was giving up on him. Brass wondered if it had been building, this end in Sara's eyes, and hearing Grissom's confession to Dr. Lurie during the Debbie Marlin case had been the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. Yes, Brass had known that Sara had heard Dr. Lurie's interrogation, and Grissom's subsequent confession; he had seen her leave the observation room with the tell-tale sign of tears on her cheeks. She had looked at him briefly from down the hall, and then fled. He had chased after her, only to loose her in the corridors and rooms, and then, most likely, the parking garage. He had called her cell, and her home number, just to check on her, but she hadn't answered either one, nor returned his calls. The next time he'd seen her, which hadn't been until the following evening, when she'd puked her guts out at the grisly crime scene, she didn't even mention his messages, had pretended nothing had happened at all. If Sara wasn't ready to talk about it, then he wasn't going to push her into it, and so he pretended as well.

And of course, he never said anything to Grissom about it.

Brass was brought back to the present when Sara brushed by him as she stormed from Grissom's office, almost knocking him over in her anger and haste. He reached out and grabbed her arm, spinning her around to face him. He immediately let go when he saw the stormy emotions running rampant across her face from shock to anger, from fear to hurt. She shook her head slightly to indicate that she didn't want to talk, and then briskly walked away, probably heading to the ladies room where she could lose her cool in private, and then fix herself up to look like nothing had happened. He let her go, knowing there really wasn't anything he could do to stop her or help her at the moment, but determined to give Grissom a piece of his mind for hurting her. Again.

When Brass entered Grissom's office, he took in the sight before him before announcing his presence. The entomologist was sitting in his chair, elbows propped up on his desk, head in his hands, face bent downwards. Quietly, Brass made his was through the room to take a seat in one of the chairs facing his friend. He reached out and gently tapped one of Grissom's forearms to get the man's attention, ready to ream him out for being suck a jerk. But, when Grissom looked up at him, Brass took pity on him and decided the angry lecture could wait. The man looked utterly destroyed, as if his whole reason for being had been ripped away from him. And it probably had been.

"She once told me that by the time I figured out what I wanted, it could be too late," Grissom confessed, knowing Brass would know exactly whom he was talking about. "You know, I actually came in to work tonight with the idea that I could ask her to dinner, on a real date with me. But I chickened out, and it angered me that I did. So I took it out on her during our team meeting. In front of everyone. I'll be lucky if she ever speaks to me again, let alone stays in Vegas now."

"She will," Brass tried to reassure his friend. "Sara's nothing if not stubborn and determined. And very, very forgiving of those she cares about deeply."

"She threatened to quit once before. Said I didn't respect her that time, too," Grissom admitted sadly. "Truth is, she might be right."

Ignoring that comment for the time being, Brass asked, "What made you come around and want to ask her out on a date in the first place?"

Grissom shrugged. "I just…well…Catherine's been saying some things to me lately, and…"

"Oh, Gil," Brass said softly, shaking his head in disbelief. "You can't do that. You can't ask Sara out because Catherine told you to."

"She didn't tell me to," Grissom defended quickly.

"Fine, implied, then. We can play semantics if you want. The point is, you have to do it because you want to do it, not because someone's pushing you to do it," Brass pointed out, hoping is friend would finally understand what was wrong with him and why he couldn't relate to humans as well as most people. "You've spent your life alone; something made you feel that you had to, maybe something terrible that made you afraid to reach out and form relationships with people. Though I don't necessarily understand that, I can respect it. But, since you made that choice to be alone, you became socially stunted. This is the price you now have to pay."

"So, you're saying I can't change?" Grissom demanded, becoming angry again.

"No. But I am saying that it might be too late to win Sara's heart." Sighing heavily, Brass stood up and started to leave Grissom's office. Pausing at the door, he turned around and looked at his friend sitting there staring off into space. "She heard, you know." When Grissom looked up in confusion, Brass pressed on. "Your admission to Dr. Lurie during his interrogation, Sara heard that. You now have a choice; you can do one of two things. You can either let her go and allow her to try to find the perfect heart for her own happiness, or you can devote yourself fully to her and take every damn risk she asks you to take, no questions asked, no faltering on your part, just to prove to her how much you do love her, even if it means the end of your career."

Sara entered the locker room, angrily swiping away a few stray tears. She found it ironic that, for someone who'd only cried a handful of times in her life up until a week ago, she couldn't seem to stop this past week. And now, she couldn't exactly decide why she was crying in the first place. Was it because she was hurting from Grissom's rude dismissal earlier or was it because she was finally done with him, ready to close that chapter in her life? Ready to move on and try to make a life with someone else. It was a hard decision she had made, but one she knew had been a long time in coming. Truth be told, she'd probably made that decision as soon as she'd left the observation room a week ago; she just hadn't been able to admit it to herself until now.

She sat down on the bench and just stared at her locker, unable to move to open it. She was tired, just tired. Tired of it all. Tired of reaching out to Grissom, only to be pushed away, only to be yanked back, like a damn yo-yo. Tired of trying to keep her emotions in check so no one would know how much she was hurting inside. Tired of fighting with everyone, putting on the brave front she always did. Tired of hiding everything. Just, tired.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't even notice when the locker room door opened and Warrick and Nick came in, laughing. Both men noticed her, however, and the tears glistening on her cheeks. Instantly, the two CSIs stopped laughing and took a seat on either side of their friend. Nick even went so far as to put his arm around her shoulders in an attempt to comfort her.

"Gris was really out of line earlier," Warrick began. "Your theory has just a much merit as Catherine's." When Sara didn't reply, or even acknowledge that they were there, he worriedly frowned at Nick over their friend's head. "I just spoke with Brass. He said that our case is finished. Charles Harris was mauled and killed by his own mountain lion. Tomorrow, we can go and get the guns from his house and match them up to our bullet casing, no warrant needed, since his house is a related crime scene now."

Sara nodded. "Yeah. Okay," she responded quietly, still staring at her unopened locker.

"Warrick and I were just about to go out for breakfast. Wanna come join us? My treat," Nick offered, gently rubbing Sara's shoulder with his thumb. When she shrugged in indifference, Nick pressed, "We can also invite Greg and see if he gets the dirty joke Warrick just told me. That oughta be a laugh in itself."

"Can I get as many pancakes as I want?" Sara asked softly, smiling at her friends' attempt to cheer her up. As it was, she really wanted them to help her out, and this was easier than confessing her thoughts and asking for their help. Plus, she was in real need of a distraction now, and knew her 'boys' would be able to provide that.

"Why don't we go over to Suzie's then? It's a bit far, but their pancakes are almost as good as mine," Nick suggested, eyes twinkling at Sara, a broad smile making its way across his face.

"Okay," Sara agreed, much happier now. "Let me just get my stuff and we can go."

After she's stood up and started spinning the combo on her locker, Warrick said, "I'll go and grab Greg. Meet you guys at Suzie's in twenty?"

"'Kay, man. See ya there," Nick agreed. Once Warrick had left, he turned his attention completely on Sara and watched as she started rifling through things in her messy locker. She finally pulled out a hairbrush, running it briefly through her hair before replacing it and grabbing her messenger bag. She pulled the bag over her head and across a shoulder and closed the locker door, turning to face Nick. Smiling, she reached out and grabbed his had, squeezing it.

"Thanks, Nicky," she said. Her look told him that she was thanking him for more than just inviting her out for breakfast to cheer her up. She was thanking him for what she knew he was about to do, which was lean in and kiss her briefly on the lips, the first kiss they'd shared since they had slept together. Somehow, it didn't feel awkward at all. None of it had. That had been Sara's main fear, after being with Nick; that it would be awkward at work, knowing what they had done and seen of each other. But it hadn't been. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Nick never pressured her, never made any kind of advance on her over the past week, despite all the time they were spending together at work and during their off hours. Anyone looking at them would think that they were just two best friends having a great time together, and not two people on the verge of a possible relationship. Nick had respected her feelings and had done what he had promised, which was not let it affect their friendship. She still wasn't sure she was ready to be with Nick, but just knowing that he was willing to wait, that he thought she was worth the wait, was enough to make her throw her arms around him and allow him to comfort her.

"Come on, Sunshine. Let's go eat," Nick said, ending the hug, but reaching out to take her hand instead. Sara let him lead her out of the locker room and to her car.

Nick made sure he was seated in the booth next to Sara. He was afraid that if he was sitting across from her, he would have ended up staring at her beautiful face the entire time they were having breakfast, and that Warrick, if not Greg as well, would have noticed and put the pieces together. Nick loved Sara, and as much as he wanted the whole world to know, he knew she wasn't ready yet, and he refused to do anything to hurt her or rush her, even if it meant he had to keep his happiness locked up inside. As it was, sitting next to her did have its benefits, however. Sara made sure she was close enough to him to press her thigh against his and occasionally bump his arm with her elbow as she ate. At first Nick thought they had been accidents, but once he caught a small smile grace her face after a light touch, and he knew they were no accidents; she was deliberately touching him, which made him smile with joy inside.

Of course, Greg didn't understand the joke, but Sara did, if her snort of derision was to be judged correctly. So, the first half of breakfast was spent trying to explain to Greg the dirty birds and the bees. After Warrick, Nick, and to a lesser extent, Sara, were assured that Greg understood the joke and could see the dirty humor in it, Warrick opened the floor up to the rumor he'd heard from Archie about Hodges's new girlfriend. That statement alone was enough to make Sara laugh out loud, which was a relief since she'd been much more quiet that usual during breakfast. Over the past week, Warrick had seen a much brighter, happier side to Sara Sidle that he immensely enjoyed and attributed to this hum-worthy guy she'd mentioned briefly. Whoever he was, he was apparently very good for Sara, and Warrick couldn't wait to meet him and thank him for making Sara so happy. He glanced up from his Belgian waffle to see Sara's bright smile and noticed how close together she and Nick were on that side of the table. The possibility that the hum-worthy guy was Nick flashed through Warrick's mind, but he discarded that thought almost as quickly as it had come up. If something was going to happen between Nick and Sara, it would have happened long ago, Warrick was sure; it was just harmless flirting that the two so often engaged in. Besides, as their best friend, he was absolutely sure they would have told him if anything was happening between them. Right? Suddenly, he wasn't so sure, as he watched Sara give her brightest smile to Nick and slap him playfully in the arm in response to something he'd just said. In response to her slap, Nick grabbed a piece of fruit off his plate and shoved it in her mouth, laughing. Well, whatever was going on with his two best friends, Warrick decided that he'd keep it quiet, and wait for them to come to him. And, in the meantime, cover for them if need be, until they were ready to let the cat out of the bag.

After saying goodbye to Warrick and Greg, Nick walked Sara to her car. He really wasn't ready to say goodbye to her yet, but he couldn't come up with a reason to keep her with him without it seeming like he was pressuring her. When they reached her silver Toyota, he was desperately grasping for something to say to make their time together longer, when Sara decided for him.

"Uh, Nick, I really don't want to go home right now. I just…well…I…" Sara stammered.

"What's wrong, Sunshine? You were very upset when Warrick and I found you in the locker room. What happened?" Nick asked, concerned. He pressed her back up against her car and placed his hands on her shoulders, squeezing them gently in an attempt to be comforting, but really, just to be able to touch her.

"I'd just had a giant blow-up with Grissom," Sara admitted softly, frowning. "I called him a coward, and basically told him that I'd given up on him." She shook her head and snorted derisively. "He probably had no idea that I implied that. I just don't want to go home and have to deal with the phone calls from Brass and the inevitable plant arriving on my doorstep."

"Do you want to come over, then?" Nick asked, trying to hide his nervousness. "We can swing by your place so you can grab anything you need, and leave your car. I have a couple of pints of Ben and Jerry's in my freezer, and a copy of Titanic."

"Titanic, Nick?" Sara asked incredulously. What single guy owned a copy of Titanic?

"Isn't that the ultimate chick flick for drowning sorrows?" Nick asked innocently.

"I guess," Sara replied, not really sure herself. "But we don't have to watch it."

"I'll watch Titanic all day long, if it means I can spend the entire day with you," Nick told her, taking one of his hands and placing a stray lock of her hair over her ear. His fingers lingered on her cheek, his eyes stared into hers, and then he leaned forward and kissed her gently, but deeply.

And Sara kissed him back.

tbc


	5. Chapter 5

The Perfect Heart

Chapter 5: Knowing and Fearing

Nick came out of the shower, running his fingers through his wet hair, to find Sara already stretched out on the couch, bagels, cream cheese, and orange juice spread out on his coffee table. The two had opted for picking up breakfast rather than making any, mostly because they were too tired to cook anything. Plus, since Nick had been spending all his free time with Sara this past week, he hadn't been to the supermarket and they'd pretty much eaten everything he had in his refrigerator and kitchen cabinets. Nick knelt down at the coffee table and quickly chose a plain bagel and smeared some cream cheese on it, before choosing to sit on the end of the couch at Sara's feet. If Sara was startled by his choice, she didn't show it at all. Usually, if she was sprawled out on his couch, he'd pick the arm chair nearby, but this time, he lifted her feet up slightly and sat down, her feet landing up in his lap.

"So, what movie did you decide on?" Nick asked around a mouthful of breakfast.

"The Princess Bride. It thought it would be better than Titanic for you," Sara informed him, smiling softly before finishing her bagel. She'd started eating before Nick had been out of the shower.

"Hungry were you?" Nick kidded as Sara pressed play on his DVD remote.

Sara nodded absently. "Yeah, sorry I started without you." To make up for it, she leaned over and carefully poured him a glass of orange juice. "Here," she offered, sitting up slightly and handing the juice to him. Nick accepted her peace offering, though truthfully, he wasn't mad at all, and after taking a small sip placed the cup on the end table to his right. Both turned their focus to the movie as it started.

After Nick polished off his bagel, he began to gently massage Sara's feet as his mind wandered from the movie. He'd seen The Princess Bride so many times he could quote the movie line for line. He didn't need to pay careful attention to know what was going on. Instead, Nick thought about the past week and all the time he'd been spending with Sara. For the past seven days, they'd spent pretty much all of their free time together, usually doing what they were doing now. However, this was the first time they'd been so close together on the couch, and definitely the first time he'd been so forward as to rub her feet. Maybe that meant something, Nick thought.

"Hey, Sar?" Nick began hesitantly as Westley and Inigo were battling on top of the Cliffs of Insanity.

"Mmm?" Sara replied, too engrossed in the movie, or maybe what he was doing to her feet, to really say anything.

"You wanna talk about why you were so upset earlier in the locker room?" Nick prodded. He gazed at her, gently rubbing the instep of her right foot with his thumb, and waited for her response. He knew he wouldn't get one right away; she'd either pretend she didn't hear him, or tell him she'd talk after the movie, putting it off for as long as she could. Nick also knew that he'd let her, for a time. Just showing Sara that he cared was enough to keep her coming back and eventually opening up. He'd learned so much about her in the last week, more than she'd ever told him over the past three and a half years. He knew her favorite color was purple, her favorite food before she became a vegetarian had been pork chops, her favorite movie was To Kill a Mockingbird, and that she knew more about sci-fi movies and TV shows than Archie. She'd fallen from a tree house at age six and broken her wrist in three places. She'd never been outside of the US, but wanted to go on and African safari one day. She'd had a dog as a child, a Lab named Gandalf, who used to follow her and her brother around all day long. All this he'd learned by just reminding her that he was there, and not pushing her into talking. If there was one thing he'd learned about Sara Sidle it was that she revealed things in her own time.

"Later," Sara said noncommittally. Her eyes never strayed from the TV screen, but Nick caught the slight tightening of her jaw and the nervous swallow that accompanied her response. He'd discovered that small blip of emotion came up whenever she was nervous or distressed. Whatever had upset her was still upsetting her, and made her fearful to talk.

"Okay," Nick responded, more to assure her than himself. Sara would talk to him, he was sure of that, even if it wasn't today. It might be tomorrow, or the day after, or in a week, but she would eventually confide in him, thereby, silently, asking for his help.

As the movie played on, Nick found himself concentrating on Sara's left foot, and then her calves, alternating between gentle glides of his fingers, and more forceful massages by his thumbs. As his work progressed, he could feel Sara's muscles relaxing, as if all that was bothering her was exiting her body, leaving her calm and happy. He glanced over at her face again and saw her eyes slowly closing in what he hoped was pleasure and concentration on what he was doing to her. Once her eyes were closed Nick assumed she'd fallen into a peaceful sleep, effectively ending any chance he'd get to learn what was bothering her, and was pleasantly surprised when she spoke.

"It's Grissom," she said softly, eyes still closed. "I'm…well, not angry or hurt…no, maybe a little hurt, but it's over, you know? It's just hard…"

"Is this the same thing that was bothering you a week ago when I found you here?" Nick asked cautiously, wanting to know, but also wanting to keep from scaring her into silence.

"Yeah," Sara nodded. "It finally became clear to me, or he made it clear, I don't know. But it's over now. We'll never be together, and I pretty much assured him of that earlier today."

"But why?" Nick asked, silently jumping for joy inside, but remaining outwardly curious and sympathetic so as not to hurt Sara or upset her any more that she already was. It was sounding to him as if Sara was finally giving up on Grissom, providing Nick with his chance; however, Nick did not want to push himself on her, nor make her feel as if he wasn't compassionate to her situation. He'd have to bide his time, just be Sara's friend for now, but someday, he may finally be able to call himself her boyfriend.

"You were at the conference, but I'm sure that someone filled you in on how the victim of the case we were working looked an awful lot like me?" Sara asked, opening her eyes and looking over at him. When he nodded, she frowned, and turned her eyes back to the movie, where Westley was leading the Princess Buttercup through the Fire Swamp. "He just…cut me out of it, would be the way I'd put it. He gave me the perimeter, refused my help whenever I offered it. He remained at the scene for almost three days straight, you know?"

"Sounds like the case rattled him," Nick offered, biting his tongue. "Maybe because the victim looked like you and it brought up all these feelings he has?"

"Doesn't matter, anyway," Sara said dejectedly. "He won't risk it. I'm not worth the risk."

It took all of a half second for Nick to connect the dots between the partial explanations she was giving him now, and the one from a week ago. Grissom had told a suspect in a case where the victim bore a striking resemblance to Sara that he couldn't risk his life and career to be with her. Somehow, Grissom had seen similarities between himself and this suspect and had confessed his thoughts to try to get the suspect to give something away. Sara must have overheard him, or learned it from someone else in the interrogation room with Grissom. And now, her self-esteem, which to Nick seemed to be very low to begin with, had taken another blow, hence her sobbing fest on his shoulder a week ago, and her desperate need to be desired and loved.

"Yes you are," Nick replied instinctively, gently squeezing her feet, needing to tell her that all was not lost, that someone out there loved her. That he loved her. Sara shrugged in response, and Nick could tell that she didn't believe him. "No, Sara, it's true," he said forcefully. "I think you're well worth the risk of our jobs, our friendship, and love."

"Nick, I…" Sara began, her expression that of a deer in headlights.

"I know," Nick cut it. "I'm not asking for a declaration of love, or even for you to agree to go out with me. You're not ready for that yet, and I don't want to jeopardize whatever we may have between us by forcing the issue too soon. I told you before and I'll tell you again. And again and again if I have to," he stated firmly, looking deeply into Sara's eyes. "You're worth waiting for. When the time is right, I'll ask you out. Or maybe, being the liberated, forward thinking woman you are, you'll ask me out."

"Just don't ask me what kind of car I drive," Sara told him, smiling.

Sara's teasing remark ended their conversation, and both returned to watching the movie in silence. Though Sara was watching the movie, she really wasn't taking any of it in, not that it mattered much; she could quote the movie in her sleep. No, she was too busy thinking about Nick, what wonderful things he was doing to her feet, and how lucky she was to have him in her life. She knew that not many men would wait around for her to get her act together, wait around for her to get over some other guy before finally settling into a relationship with him. Not only was Nick willing to do that, but he was insisting on it, to make sure it wall all right at perfect. He was turning out to be one of the 'good guys', the ones that teenage girls talk about and dream about marrying, the ones that you know are out there but can never find. The ones worth risking everything for. The idea of being in a romantic relationship with Nick made Sara smile in happiness, made her feel special that he had chosen her to love. And love her he did, she was sure of that. Only someone who truly loved her would deal with all her emotional crap over the last week and keep coming back. The only thing that was holding Sara back was fear, fear that maybe she couldn't or wouldn't love Nick as much as he deserved, ultimately hurting him in the end. That was the last thing she wanted to do, especially after he'd been so good to her. She also knew that at some point, Nick would want to meet her family, and Sara was terrified of telling anyone about them, even Nick. She was afraid that that would be the last straw, the one piece of emotional baggage that he wouldn't be able to handle, and then Sara wouldn't be able to handle it if Nick left her. And, what if, by miracles of miracles, he was okay with that? What if they made it through all that, and he decides to ask her to marry him? What if he wants children? That was something Sara wasn't prepared to do. Watching her parents' marriage deteriorate and become super violent disabused her of any idea of ever getting married. And she didn't want children; didn't want to pass down the violent genes she most certainly inherited from her family. What if Nick couldn't live like that?

"Nick?" Sara questioned quietly, refusing to look at her friend.

"Yeah?" Nick responded, just as quietly.

"Thanks."

"Anytime, Sunshine," he said still rubbing her feet sweetly.

By the time Westley, Inigo, and Fezzik were storming the castle to rescue the princess, Sara had fallen asleep. Nick had turned down the sound so it wouldn't wake her up, and had finished out the movie alone; casting long glances at Sara to make sure she remained sleeping. The last thing he wanted to do was disturb any sleep she had. During the past week, Sara had slept over his apartment nearly every day, and most of those days had been disrupted by nightmares. She didn't think Nick knew about them, but he did. They had alternated who slept on the couch and who slept in the bed each night, and on the nights Sara was on the couch, he could hear her wake from her nightmare and roam quietly around his apartment before finally settling down in front of the TV. When she slept in the bed and a nightmare awoke her, he could see the light go on under the door to his bedroom, and he knew Sara would sleep no more. She never shared her nightmares with him, never even told him she had them. Nick, in turn, never asked about them, never let on that he knew; they were something he knew he could not push her on, that she preferred to deal with in private, something she'd only allow someone she trusted deeply to know about. One day, he hoped to become that person, but wasn't willing to sacrifice what little trust she had in him by forcing the issue. Nick suspected that something terrible had happened to Sara in her past, if her reaction to certain domestic violence cases were anything to be judged, and that something had caused her to have difficulty trusting people. Many theories ran rampant in his head, from physical abuse to rape to witnessing a violent crime, but he never shared his theories with anyone because he felt he'd be betraying Sara if he did. Whatever it was, it was very personal and private to her and he'd wait for her to come to him, even if he had to wait a lifetime.

When the movie ended, Nick quietly clicked off the DVD player and the TV. He stretched his arms above his head, yawning silently. He was tired, both physically and mentally. He gently slid out from under Sara's legs and made his way to the bedroom, turning on a dim light to help him find his way. He pulled back the bedcovers on one side before returning to his sleeping friend. Being careful not to wake her, he leaned down and lifted Sara into his arms, cradling her protectively against his chest. Nick carried her to his bedroom and lay her down on the bed, dragging the covers up over her. He watched her a moment, as she snuggled into his pillow and breathed in deeply, a small smile gracing her face. She looked so peaceful when she slept. Well, he thought, at least until the nightmares came. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her forehead before heading out of the room. As he came to the door, Sara called him back.

"Nick," she called out sleepily, partly sitting up in bed.

"Hey, Sunshine, go back to sleep," Nick admonished gently, returning to her side.

"Stay with me," Sara said, pulling on his arm.

"Sara, we're not ready for that yet," Nick said, grinning teasingly.

"Just sleep," Sara replied, yawning and falling back onto the bed. "Just wanna sleep."

"Okay," Nick agreed, again kissing her forehead. He made his way to the other side of the bed and slid under the covers. Sara, who was quickly falling back asleep, wormed her way over to him and snuggled up, her head on his chest, one arm around his waist, holding on to him. Nick rubbed her back soothingly until he felt her completely give in and go back to sleep, before succumbing to sleep himself.


	6. Chapter 6

The Perfect Heart

Chapter 6: Understanding Death

Life passed routinely over the next four weeks for the graveyard CSIs of Las Vegas. Well, as routine as dealing with homicide, blood, gore, etc. can be. And as disturbing as murder, rape, dismemberment, and anything else the dregs of society could come up with, no case tore at their very souls. For once, they were all able to relax and leave work at the office, a rare and treasured occurrence for everyone. Catherine had even hosted a small barbecue for the team one Saturday afternoon. The entire night shift had been invited, including Detective Brass and Doc Robbins. She'd even extended the offer to Hodges, who had shown up with the most wonderful German chocolate cake for desert. Warrick, ever the observer, had noticed that throughout the entire party, Nick did not stray very far from Sara. He brought all her drinks and carried all her food. He always claimed the lounge chair next to hers, and if it wasn't available, he'd find a perch on hers. If she was playing volleyball, so was he. If she was in the pool, there he was. She was his partner during the chicken fights instigated by Greg, and won by Warrick and Catherine. And once they left the pool, the first thing Nick did was grab a towel and wrap it around Sara before reaching for one for himself. Something was going on between his two friends, Warrick was sure now. Just how far had things progressed, he didn't know. And he didn't have a chance to question Nick about it at the barbecue, since, of course, he never left Sara's side long enough for them to have a conversation about it. But, three days after the barbecue, Warrick got his chance.

Grissom had paired up Warrick and Nick for the night. A dead body had been discovered floating in a water trap at the Summerlin Country Club Golf Course. The country club's night watchman had found the bloated floater and immediately called 9-1-1. Warrick drove, being careful not to speed too high above the limit so as to give him enough time to talk to Nick without it seeming like he was stalling arriving at the crime scene just so he could pump his friend for personal information, which is exactly what he was going to be doing.

"So, Nick," Warrick started nonchalantly. "What's going on with you and Sara?"

"Huh, what?" Nick replied uncomfortably, suddenly very interested in the scenery.

"You two are spending an awful lot of time together," Warrick continued. "Every time I ask you to do something you already have plans with her. You two have breakfast after shift nearly every morning. The other day she picked up your phone when I called. What's going on?"

Nick shrugged, turning beet red. "I don't know what you mean."

"Yes you do," Warrick stated. When Nick didn't answer, wouldn't even look at him, Warrick took pity on his friend and said, "Look, Nick, I understand if you don't want to talk about it yet, but I am here if you do. I'm not going to go running through the lab shouting that you and Sara are seeing each other. I'm not going to tease you, well, much anyway, and I'm not going to go all big brother protective and tell you not to see her. I just…"

"Just what?" Nick asked, finally turning to face Nick, curious as to why his friend paused for so long.

"She was humming a few weeks ago on the way to a crime scene. I got her to admit it was about a guy, but she wouldn't tell me who he was, just that he was a good guy and that she didn't want to jinx anything. That guy's you, right?"

"I, uh, I think so…"

"Look, Nicky, I'm not blind, okay. Sara's been happy over the past few weeks. Just keep it that way, okay?" Warrick said. "Something tells me that she hasn't been happy in a very long time, maybe even before she came to Vegas."

"She was humming over me?" Nick asked, unable to hide his bright smile.

"Yeah, man," Warrick replied softly.

Suddenly, Nick didn't want to hold it in anymore; he wanted to shout his secret. He was truly, madly, deeply in love with Sara Sidle. He didn't want to ever be without her. And so, he spilled all to Warrick. "She's become everything to me, Warrick. I can't breathe without her. She's the first thing I think of when I wake up, and the last when I fall asleep. I have a large supply of veggie burgers in my freezer and tofu in my refrigerator because I want her to come over all the time. I've started drinking orange juice with lots of pulp, because that's how Sara likes hers. I went out and bought more throw pillows and blankets because Sara's always cold at my place and I want her to be comfortable. I now know more about Star Trek than I ever thought I would, because Sara knows so much and watches so much. And I'm happy about it. I've completely fallen in love, and I like how it feels. I can't imagine ever going back to the time before she was always there, you know?" Nick sighed heavily, smile going to a frown. "I'm also scared, Rick. I can't mess this up. I don't think I'd survive it if I did; I'm in too deep. This is Sara we're talking about. She doesn't trust easily, doesn't give herself away. I really have to go slow, and though she's worth waiting it all out, I'm worried that at some point I'm going to do or say something to scare her away."

"I wouldn't worry too much about it. I think Sara's a lot tougher than you think," Warrick stated.

"And I think that she's not nearly as tough as she pretends to be," Nick countered.

"What about Grissom?" Warrick brought up. "Hasn't Sara had a thing for him since before she even came to Vegas?"

"She did, but she says it's over and I believe her. I think he's hurt her one too many times and now she's finished with it all. That's part of why I'm so afraid that I'll hurt her. Grissom's done so much damage to her self-esteem that I'm afraid that no matter how hard I try, she won't be able to get past what he did and believe me when I tell her how much I love her," Nick tried to explain, frowning as he talked about Sara and what Grissom had put her through over the years. He had his work cut out for him, he knew, but he was very willing to take it on, since the reward was the greatest he could ever hope for.

"Tough decision, man. You know, if this were any other girl we're talking about I'd tell you to cut her loose, that there's way too much emotional baggage for you to deal with. But this is Sara, here, and I don't want to see her hurt. Or you," Warrick said.

"I know."

Nick and Warrick made their way down the halls of the lab on their way to trace and DNA to drop off some samples, arguing about the latest NFL game to come out for Play station. As they rounded the corner and came upon the door to Greg's DNA lab, Grissom hailed them, causing both men to turn around and groan. They'd been hoping to avoid Grissom and just be able to drop their samples off quietly and call it an early night. No such luck, it seemed.

"Get your samples squared away right now. We have to go join Catherine and Sara at a scene. It's a multiple, and the three dead victims are children," he explained, obviously fighting hard to keep his emotions at bay. Grissom was always affected by the death of children; that was the one thing he couldn't hide very well from anyone. "Meet me at the SUV in five minutes." With that Grissom marched off, heading toward the corridor that would take him to where the lab's issued Tahoes were parked.

Warrick rushed down the hall to trace and quickly gave Hodges the run-down on his soil samples and fibers from the victim while Nick gave Greg blood samples he'd collected from the victim and the surrounding area, as well an a discarded coffee cup to check for DNA. In less than one minute, the two men met back up outside of Greg's lab, and with a cautious wave to the young DNA tech, they followed Grissom's path to the Tahoe. After quickly stowing their gear in the trunk, Warrick jumped in the passenger seat beside Grissom and Nick opened the back door, settling in behind his boss. Grissom peeled out of the parking lot, speeding a lot faster than usual. He even turned the emergency lights on so that other cars would see their official vehicle and get out of their way. In so doing, the guys arrived at their crime scene in the outskirts of Las Vegas in record time. Grissom pulled his Tahoe up behind Brass's standard issue Ford, barely turning off the car before jumping out and grabbing his kit to go join Brass and the women on their team. Nick and Warrick quickly followed suit, coming to a stop by Grissom, who was being clued in by Brass.

They sight they looked upon was horrible. Three children, all very young, were lying out on the driveway, blood pooling beneath their tiny bodies. One boy, about age seven, and two younger girls, maybe four and two, both with blonde pig-tails. A woman was wailing in pain and anguish in the background; Nick immediately guessed she was the distraught mother. He glanced around for a father, but no one seemed obvious. The woman was being held by an officer, and as Nick looked more closely, he could see they were actually handcuffing the woman and leading her into the back of a squad car. What the hell had happened here? Was the mother being arrested for murdering her own children? He glanced around some more, looking for Sara and Catherine, but only found the blonde taking pictures of the three children. Sara was no where in sight.

"The mother claims her husband did this," Brass said bluntly, bringing Nick back to the conversation. "Says he was physically abusive and that she was preparing to leave him. She and the kids were all packed, but he came home early from the bar and caught them. She says he lined the kids up and shot them."

"Where is he now?" Grissom asked, anger barely controlled.

"In custody down at the station. Bastard stuck around for the cops. Said he was glad he did it, that no one was taking away what was his," Brass informed them, the disgust evident in his voice. "I'm about to head down their; I want to do this interview myself."

"I'll join you," Grissom told Brass. He then turned to Warrick and Nick. "Go to Catherine and ask her what needs to be done. She and Sara arrived here about twenty minutes before we did. I'm not sure how far along they are." He tossed Warrick the Tahoe's keys and then walked with Brass back to his car, leaving to go find out how a man could become so angry that he'd murder his own children.

Warrick and Nick carefully walked up to Catherine, being sure not to contaminate any evidence. They wanted to make sure the man was convicted, and didn't want him to get off because they'd made a mistake. Sometimes a confession isn't enough, especially if the guy hired a tricky lawyer who claimed coercion under duress, or some other defense. As they approached, Catherine looked at the boys and they could clearly see that she'd shed more than a few tears over the poor children. As a mother herself, this must be even harder on her. There was no way that Catherine could ever conceive of the possibility of harming Lindsey, no matter how angry she was. She stood up as they reached her, reading out and squeezing each of their hands quickly, thanking them for coming so quickly.

"Thanks," she said, smiling sadly. "This is a rough one, and I need all the help I can get."

"Where's Sara?" Nick asked, radiating concern. "Griss said she was here with you."

"She was," Catherine sighed. "I think…well…she took one look at this scene, turned a little green, and ran down the block. I haven't seen her since." She turned around and pointed in the direction Sara had gone. "I sent a uniform to check on her, but neither has come back. I need one of you to start on the house while the other goes and gets Sara. We need her help, too, even if this bothers her."

A brief look passed between Warrick and Nick, silent communication at its best, and then Nick took off in Sara's direction and Warrick marched slowly into the house where the three little children had lived.

He found the uniform five houses down from where the murder took place. He was young; he looked like he was barely out of the academy. The cop was standing there on the corner, hands on his hips, looking down the block at something. Someone. Sara. Sara was sitting on a bench, head in hands, not moving even the slightest bit. Nick approached the cop softly, placing his hand on the man's shoulder. "You can head back to the scene now; I've got her." He didn't have to tell the cop twice. The guy took off, leaving Nick standing there alone, staring at Sara. He slowly made his way down two more houses, doing everything he could not to startle her. "Sara," he called out. She looked up at him, and when he saw the look in her eyes, he rushed the last bit of the way and sat down on the bench next to her, taking her hand in his. "You okay?"

"I threw up," she said despondently, motioning to the garbage can on the other side of the bench.

"Well, your stomach has been off a bit the past few days," Nick reasoned. "And that's a pretty gruesome scene." Sara just nodded in agreement. "You know," Nick began slowly, "That's not like you to run off like that." Sara shrugged and stared at the ground. "I know how terrible this is, but we need you to come back and help us, please? We need to make sure everything is by the book so that the guy who did this ends up in jail for the rest of his life."

"Did Brass tell you it was their father?" Sara asked quietly, shivering.

"Yeah," Nick answered sadly, taking off his jacket and placing it around Sara's shoulders, leaving his arm around her. For added warmth, he told himself.

"I can't process those kids," Sara told him softly, seeming almost frightened of the idea.

"Okay," Nick replied, looking at her in confusion. "Can you tell me why?"

"Not here," Sara told him, wiping her free hand across her eyes. "And not now. Not if I have to go back there. If I tell you, I won't be able to go there and…" She swallowed harshly, trying very hard not to cry. "I can't…I just…I mean.."

"Hey," Nick said warmly, pulling her against him. "Why don't you help Warrick in the house and I'll help Cath with the kids. And after, you can come home with me and tell me or not tell me anything you want, okay?"

"It's a really long story, and I'm not sure how much I can get out…"

"That's okay. I'm not going anywhere," Nick assured her, standing up and pulling her with him. He slipped his arm around her shoulders once again and began to lead her back to the most horrible crime scene either one of them had seen in a long time.

Grissom sat seething in anger across from their suspect, staring him down. The man, Thomas Clayborne, stared right back at him, not batting an eyelash. Both were waiting for the other to make the first move, to say the first words, but it was Brass, entering the interrogation room from behind Grissom, who spoke first.

"How could you? What did they ever do to you? They were children?" Brass practically yelled at the man.

"That bitch was going to leave me," Thomas Clayborne spat back at the detective.

"That bitch is their mother," Grissom pointed out quietly, still staring at their suspect.

"Nothing of mine leaves me. She needed to be taught a lesson so that she wouldn't try it again," Clayborne explained as if it was the simplest thing in the world. "She needed to be punished for even thinking that she could."

"So you killed your children to teach her a lesson?" Grissom asked.

"She ain't ever gonna leave me now," Clayborne informed them, smiling smugly.

"But they were your children too," Brass said.

Clayborne shrugged. "Don't care. Never wanted them in the first place. And now I don't have to deal with them and their constant crying. Good riddance. Shoulda killed them sooner and saved myself money and headache."

The interrogation ended there. Brass had the suspect arrested, and once he'd been hauled away to a jail cell, he sat down next to his distraught friend. Brass knew that the senseless death of kids, especially if it had been caused by drugs or an abusive parent, bothered Grissom more than any other kind of case. This must be killing his friend inside. He placed a hand on Grissom's shoulder to get his friend's attention. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yes," Grissom replied after a long pause. "I'll be okay."

"Hm, well, I'm not sure Sara will be. I'm gonna call her before I head out," Brass informed Grissom, hoping the man would take the bait. He did not disappoint.

"Huh? What's wrong with Sara?" Grissom asked quickly, looking up at the detective.

"When she and Catherine arrived, she took one look at those kids and ran down the block. You know, she hadn't come back yet by the time you and I left," Brass explained. "I think that the sight of those kids rattled her like nothing has before. She could probably use a friend and some comfort right about now, even if she won't admit it, which you know, she won't."

"Maybe I should stop by on my way home," Grissom pondered out loud.

"Yeah, buddy, maybe you should," Brass agreed.

"How are you feeling?" Nick asked Sara as he lay on the couch, her head in his lap, a program neither was watching on the TV droning on in the background, volume way down.

"Still a little nauseous," Sara admitted, curling up into the fetal position, once again wearing his t-shirt and sweats to bed. "But I don't think I'm going to hurl anytime soon."

"Well, since you already threw up once today at the crime scene, I feel pretty confident that the second time wasn't due to my culinary skills," Nick teased, leaning down and kissing her head gently. He loved the sight of her in his clothes. It just seemed like the natural order of things. It also meant, to him anyway, that she was extremely comfortable with him, which Nick was very happy about.

"Not your cooking. It's probably just a hard emotional hit over the case," Sara informed him.

"I wish I could understand why he did it," Nick said softly as he ran his fingers through Sara's damp hair, massaging her scalp as he went. "Maybe then I could explain it to us and we wouldn't be left with this gaping hole, this inability to comprehend."

"Sometimes there are no reasons to understand," Sara replied, casually rubbing her hand up and down Nick's knee.

"It just…well, it just doesn't make sense to me," Nick continued to vent. "I mean, you spend nine months wondering what he'll be like, nine months making sure everything is going smoothly, nine months of pure anticipation torture because you can't wait. And then, there he is, so small and helpless and wonderful and you're so utterly in love. How can you not want to take care of him and protect him? How could you possibly even think of harming him? I just don't get it." Nick paused, thinking about his many nieces and nephews, and how his sisters and brother felt as they went through pregnancies and births, and then everything that was to follow. They all talked about how wonderful an experience it was and how there isn't anything in the world more important to them than their children. "When I have kids, there's nothing I wouldn't do to make them safe. There's absolutely no way I'd hurt them. I can't even conceive of the possibility…"

"You, ah, you want kids?" Sara asked cautiously.

"Yeah. Someday. I don't need as many as my folks; seven is way too many for me. But two, or maybe even three would be wonderful." His fingers left Sara's hair and had begun to wander up and down the edge of her ear, making her shiver. "What about you?"

"I never even thought about it," Sara replied quickly. A little too quickly, which made Nick think that she was lying, and the little squeeze he gave her ear let Sara know that he thought she was lying. Truth be told, Sara was lying, but not in the way Nick thought. She'd briefly entertained the thought of a child once upon a time, but then discarded it. She didn't want kids; she didn't want to end up with the same type of family she'd endured growing up.

"I'll bet you have. I'll bet you played House with your dolls as a little girl, coming up with names for your imaginary husband. You probably played the same game my sisters did growing up and had names picked out for your three kids, where you were going to live, what color the bedroom walls would be. All that jazz."

"No, Nick, I didn't," Sara replied, going very quiet and stilling her hand.

"Really?" Nick asked incredulously. He couldn't believe that. All five of his sisters had their children's names planned out from a time long before any of them had gotten married, let alone had a baby. He had always thought all girls did that, and was shocked to learn that Sara hadn't. In fact, she seemed almost frightened of the thought, curling up even more tightly and trembling just a little. Nick realized he must have said something to worry her. Maybe she thought he was implying that he wanted to get married and have kids with her, which, if he was to be honest, he did want to do, but only if it was what she wanted as well. And by no means did he mean right this second. He wasn't stupid; he knew that it would take Sara a long time to finally open up completely to the level where they could get married. He was willing to wait the time out. He didn't to be with anyone else. "Look, Sara, I don't mean…I mean, I wasn't…" Nick stammered.

"I know, Cowboy. One bridge at a time, okay?" Sara let him off the hook.


	7. Chapter 7

The Perfect Heart

Chapter 7: Learning to Trust

Gil Grissom walked to the parking garage as he rehearsed what he would say to Sara in his head. Everything he thought of sounded wrong. He knew he needed to apologize to her for many things before she would even give him a chance, and he really did want a chance. A chance to apologize, a chance to make things right, a chance to be what she needed him to be. However, he couldn't come up with a speech guaranteed to give him that chance; he wondered if it was even possible. As he rounded a corner, Sara's silver Toyota came into view, and Grissom stopped his journey in confusion. He was almost positive that Sara had gone home. She had been nowhere in the lab to be found, but there was her car, so she must still be inside. Changing direction, Grissom briskly walked back into the lab, intent on finding Sara or on someone who could tell him where she could be found.

The first person Grissom came across was Greg, and so he started there. The young lab tech was walking his way, bag slung across his shoulder, i-pod phones stuck in his ears, obviously on his way out. "Greg," Grissom hailed, holding up a hand to stop Greg.

Greg, cursing under his breath about being stopped by Grissom, removed the earphones, letting the loud sounds of Marilyn Manson resonate between them. "Yeah?" Greg asked, praying that the boss-man wasn't going to ask him to stay longer and work on another project. Greg had just worked a double, having covered for the swing shift DNA tech who'd called out sick. He was tired, hungry, and feared he was beginning to smell, which didn't bode well for his office love life with one Sara Sidle, imagined or not on his part.

"Have you seen Sara? I can't find her, but I don't think she's left yet, since her car's still here," Grissom asked quickly.

"She did leave," Greg replied. "She left with Nick almost two hours ago." When Grissom gave him a confused look Greg elaborated, "She didn't look too good. Maybe Nick offered to drive her home to be safe. He's gotten kinda protective over her the last few weeks."

"Thanks, Greg," Grissom replied, once again changing directions and heading back to the parking garage at almost a run. Suddenly thinking that if he was going to have a chance with Sara he was going to have to fix his people skills, he turned back to Greg and called out, "You did good work today, Greg. Get some sleep, okay?" Without waiting for a reply, he walked out into the parking garage and made his way to his car.

Once inside, Grissom quickly buckled his seatbelt and tore out of the lot, turning left, the opposite direction to his townhouse, but he correct direction to Sara's apartment. He turned off the soft rock music coming through the speakers and started to practice possible speeches out loud. "Sara, I know I've been a very unpleasant person to you lately…No, not that…Sara, I know that you said it might be too late…No, can't jump right into that yet or she'll slam the door in my face…Sara, I know that I've been hard to get along with lately, and there's a reason for that…Sara, I'm an ass…Yeah, that's probably what I should say…Sara, I'm sorry for what I've been putting you through and I want to stop, I just need you to help me do just that…Okay, that doesn't sound too terrible. She might even let me in the door if I start off my apology like that. I would really appreciate it if you were to give me a chance to make things right between us and possibly see how a relationship between the two of us would progress." Grissom smiled softly. Yeah, that was it.

In no time, he'd pulled up to her apartment building, parked, and had made his way up the three flights of stairs and down a hallway to stand in front of Sara's door. Hesitating only briefly, he raised his hand, made a fist, and knocked. No answer. He waited a few seconds, and then knocked a second time. Then a third. As he was beginning his fourth try, the door next to Sara's apartment opened and an elderly woman stuck her head out.

"Who are you?" she asked suspiciously, squinting through her coke bottle glasses at him.

"My name is Gil Grissom…"

"What do you want with Sara?" she asked, cutting him off.

"I work with her, ma'am," Grissom responded as politely as he could. "We had a difficult night and I wanted to check on her. Do you happen to know if she's at home?" 

"No, she's not," the woman replied sharply.

"Do you know where she is?" Grissom pressed.

"Probably out with that boyfriend of hers," the woman replied. "Nice young man with the southern accent. He helps me carry all my groceries when he's around. Not many men around today with his sense of chivalry. Much better than that blonde jerk from last year."

"Boy…boyfriend?" Grissom stuttered. Southern accent? And Greg said she went home with Nick?

"Yes, though I've seen him around a lot before they started going together, mind you. Nick something, I'm no good with last names. Really nice young man," the woman told Grissom, much to the man's dismay. "I'll tell Sara that you stopped by, Gil…"

"Grissom," Grissom whispered, fighting emotions he hadn't even realized were so close to the surface until Sara's neighbor had dropped her bombshell. Sara was with Nick. He was too late and she'd done exactly what she'd said she'd do, exactly what Brass had warned Grissom she'd probably already done; she'd moved on. Giving the elderly woman a fake smile, Grissom turned and left, his world silently crashing down around him.

"Are you ready to tell me what you couldn't at the crime scene?" Nick softly asked Sara, fingers skimming over her cheek in a gentle circle.

"I don't…I…I'm afraid to tell you…that you'll run away…if I tell you, you can't go back to not knowing…" Sara babbled, tensing up.

Feeling Sara tense, Nick rubbed her back and assured her that he wasn't going anywhere. "Sunshine, there's nothing you can say to me to make me walk away from what we're building here. But, if we're to keep building, you have to talk to me about this, or we need to go our separate ways now. You need to trust me with your secrets, and I have to trust that you'll tell me what's going on with you."

"It's hard for me to trust people, Nick," Sara told him. "I haven't had a lot of practice, and when I do trust someone, they almost always end up breaking that trust."

"You can trust me," Nick said forcefully. "Whatever you tell me stays between us, Sara, I promise you that. And I promise that I'm not going to leave you over it."

"Even if it's something so terrible to cause such emotional damage to me that it affects nearly everything I do?" Sara asked, so faintly that Nick had to crane neck and bend down to hear her.

"Even if," Nick replied with conviction.

"I've never actually told anyone before. Lots of people know, but it wasn't my choice and they're all in my past. No one in Vegas knows," Sara told Nick softly. "It's why certain cases get under my skin so much. Like the case today with those murdered kids. Or the Pamela Adler case, you know, rape victim shot in the head and left for dead?"

"Yeah, I remember. Or the one where that guy who used to beat his wife shot and killed her and Grissom's bugs weren't matching up?" Nick offered.

"Yeah," Sara told him. "How'd you know about that case?"

"I overheard Brass and Grissom talking about it," Nick confessed. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but they were talking with the door open…"

"It's okay. I'm glad you know. Saves me having to explain some of it," Sara said sadly.

Unable to hold back any longer, Nick blurted out, "Were you raped by an abusive boyfriend?" Horrified by the way he'd asked the question, Nick tried to apologize but Sara would have none of it.

"No, Nick, it's okay. And no, I wasn't ever raped, or even beaten by a boyfriend." Sara paused and took a deep breath, gathering as much courage as she could. Nick, sensing she needed a little help, squeezed her shoulder in support before continuing to rub her back. "My father…well, he wasn't exactly father of the year, you know? He was mean and angry all the time. I don't know why, I never asked. He'd always been that way, as far back as I could remember. I thought it was normal, all the fighting he and my mom used to do. I thought everyone's family was like mine, that everyone had fathers who hit their mothers, their brothers. Them. It's how I lived for twelve years, until my mom…well, I guess she'd had enough. We see it enough in our jobs, I suppose, though never with the same front-row seat I had back then. Woman snaps after years of abuse and kills her husband." Sara stopped there, choked up with tears, not sure she could go on, not sure if she had too.

"Oh Sara," Nick whispered, heart breaking for her. He scooped her up so she was sitting on his lap, and wrapped his arms around her as he buried her face in his neck, tears falling from her eyes and wetting his t-shirt. "What happened after that?"

"I became a foster kid," Sara whispered back. "Until I graduated high school. I tried to do something else, but I couldn't. I was haunted by what happened and I desperately needed to understand why people do the horrible things they do to other people. I thought that maybe I could find the answers as a criminalist, you know? But, all I got was more questions."

"Sometimes, there are no answers, no reasons for what people do, the way they act. I know that's not comforting, or what you need to hear, but I don't know what else to say. Why did you continue to be a criminalist, if it wasn't answering your questions?" Nick asked more out of wonderment than curiosity. That a person would purposefully put themselves in a position to be reminded and hurt over and over again bothered him and he needed to know Sara's reasoning, because without it, he wasn't sure he'd be able to help her come to terms with her past thereby solidifying their future together.

"I couldn't help my mom back then, but these people, I can help them. But it doesn't help me get over it," Sara sobbed. "I try and I try, but I can't get past it. And every time we have a case with similar circumstances, I'm that little girl again, hiding in her closet, hoping she's not next…" She couldn't continue; she was crying too hard to speak.

Not next? Nick thought. Next as what? Next as her father's punching bag, or next as her mother's victim? He was afraid to ask. Not sure what to say to make things better, not sure if there was anything he could say, Nick settled for rocking her in his arms as she cried herself out on his shoulder. One hand held the back of her head, fingers threaded through her brown hair. The other rubbed up and down her back in an attempt to soothe her as she cried and cried and cried. And he cried with her, not sure what else to do.

Grissom groaned at the knock on his townhouse door. After speaking to Sara's neighbor, he'd returned home to drown his sorrows in a bottle of scotch and a program about the preying mantis on the Discovery Channel. It seemed fitting, somehow, like a true metaphor for his life. He hoped that if he ignored the knocking, whoever it was would give up and leave him alone to wallow in his self pity. He had been too late. That phrase kept echoing through his head and he was unable to silence it. It was mocking him, taunting him, telling him he wasn't good enough, that he was just a tired old man who was too afraid to change anything in his life, and that he had only himself to blame.

The knocking persisted. Someone wasn't getting the clue. Frustrated and angry, though probably more at himself than at his unwanted guest, Grissom heaved himself up off the couch and walked to the door, planning on slamming it in the face of whoever was behind it. However, when he saw Brass on the other side, another bottle of scotch in his hand and a sympathetic look on his face, he relented and let the man in.

"I figured you shouldn't drink alone," Brass explained.

"I'm too late. She's with Nick," Grissom choked out, returning to the couch and pouring himself another glass.

"I know," Brass said simply. "I called her to check up on her and Nick answered her phone." He sat next to his friend and placed his hand on Grissom's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Gil."

Catherine decided to go grocery shopping after dropping Lindsey off as school. The case of the three murdered children bothered her enough to have come right home and made sure Lindsey knew exactly how much her mother loved her and how safe she was in her own home. Lindsey, of course being the pre-teen she was, had rolled her eyes at her mother's emotional display and assured her that she knew. Catherine had offered host a small slumber party for the girl and to cook Lindsey whatever she wanted for dinner that night, and Lindsey had asked for sloppy joes and mashed potatoes. So now Catherine was in the A&P, grabbing the food she'd need, making a face all the while. Sloppy joes weren't her thing, but if it was what Lindsey wanted, tonight Catherine knew she'd just have to deal.

As she rounded the corner of an aisle into the produce section, she nearly bumped carts with her co-worker Warrick. Surprised, Catherine let out a small yelp and quickly apologized for nearly running him over. The tall man just smiled and promised her that no harm had been done.

"I'm fine, Cath. Whatcha doin' out now? You should be getting some rest," he admonished.

"So should you," she shot back. "I promised Lindsey sloppy joes and mashed potatoes tonight, but I don't have any at home, so here I am."

"Ohhh, sloppy joes, one of my all-time favs," Warrick enthused. "My Grams used to make a mean sauce from scratch to use with the meat. I'll call her and get the recipe if you want."

"Hey, thanks," Catherine said. "I'd appreciate that. I was also thinking of inviting the team over again tonight, join in mine and Lindsey's fun. It's Friday, and she's having a few friends over as well. I could use some help chaperoning. Besides," she continued conspiratorially, "It might just give Grissom the push to finally do something about the long-time attraction between him and Sara."

"Uh, no, not that. That's a bad idea right now," Warrick said quickly, trying to stop Catherine from unknowingly doing terrible damage.

"Why? He's upset about the case. She's upset about the case. They can comfort each other…it's so simple, really," Catherine planned out.

"Uh, trust me, Cath, right now it's not that simple," Warrick tried to reason with her.

Catherine narrowed her eyes in suspicion. In the past, Warrick had always been up for helping her to try to play matchmaker between their boss and their co-worker. What was so different now? What was he hiding? "What do you know that I don't know?" she asked him forcefully.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Warrick replied, trying to avoid the conversation. "Lemme call my Grams right now…" There was no way he was going to give away Nick and Sara's secret right now, especially not to Catherine. Though Cath wouldn't go blabbing it around the lab, she'd definitely confront their two co-workers, even tease them about it, and that was the last thing they needed right now when Sara was still trying to get over Grissom and Nick wanted to keep her from running from him as well.

"Warrick," Catherine pleaded, coyly batting her eyes at him.

"No," he resisted. "That's not going to work this time. I made a promise and I'm not about to break it. Just believe me when I say to back off the Sara-Grissom issue, or you're going to make a mess of things, okay?"

"Okay, fine, whatever," Catherine finally agreed, but with much reluctance. "But soon you're going to give in and tell me."

"I'm hoping that soon I won't have to," Warrick countered, dialing his Grams's phone number to get Catherine that recipe. As the phone rang, he thought, keeping Nick and Sara's secret was going to be a lot harder than he thought.


	8. Chapter 8

The Perfect Heart

Chapter 8: Trust is a Two Way Street

It wasn't until Nick had flipped the cell phone off and snuggled back up to Sara, throwing his arm around her naked body that he realized exactly what he'd just said and done. He groaned softly and smacked himself in the head in disbelief. His only defense was that he'd been half asleep and the only one who'd apparently heard the phone go off. It had been Brass on the other end of the line, calling to check up on Sara. Calling Sara's cell phone, the one Nick had just answered. And, in Nick's sleepy haze, he'd told Brass to hang on a moment, Sara was right beside him, he'd wake her up…but Brass had told him not to and that he'd see Sara later and hung up. Nick had just, unthinkingly, outed his relationship with Sara. A relationship that he promised not to push at, not to let out into the open until Sara was ready.

Oh boy.

"But, I was half asleep. I didn't realize what I was saying, really," Nick tried to assure himself. "She's not going to kill me over that, right?"

"What?" Sara half mumbled, rolling over and cuddling into him.

"Uh, nothing, Sara," Nick quickly replied, heart rate suddenly increasing as he realized that he'd been speaking out loud. Maybe Brass would get the wrong idea and just think Sara had fallen asleep at his place. It's happened before since he and Sara are such close friends. Brass wasn't a gossip; this wasn't something he'd spread around.

"Who's on the phone?" Sara asked sleepily.

"Brass called to check on you. He'll see you tonight," Nick said, deciding that telling her himself before Brass had the chance was a better course of action. Being honest with Sara right from the start was a much better way to deal with this, especially after their talk about trusting each other. He had to trust that Sara would understand his mistake and take his being upfront about it as an apology.

"Why'd he call you?" By the sound of her voice, she was falling back asleep, head pillowed on his chest, one arm slung across his waist. Grimacing, Nick knew that wasn't going to last for long.

"He wasn't. He called your phone. I picked up. I'm sorry," Nick said quickly. It was like ripping off a band-aid, just do it quickly and the pain should only last for a few seconds.

"Why're you sorry you answered my phone?" Sara wondered.

"In my defense, I was half asleep and my head to mouth filter wasn't working yet," Nick tried to joke to ease what he was about to tell her. "I uh, might have just outed us to Brass."

"Might?" Sara said, suddenly not so sleepy.

"He asked for you and I said something to the effect that you were right next to me and that I would wake you if he wanted. He could take it to mean that we were just sleeping or…" Nick tried for remorseful. Maybe she wouldn't make it hurt when she killed him if she thought he felt apologetic.

"Or that we're sleeping together," Sara finished, looking up at Nick and frowning.

"I'm really very sorry, Sunshine. I know I promised not to push, to wait until you were ready for all this and…"

"S'okay, Nicky," Sara assured him, laying her head back down on his chest.

"You're not mad?" Nick asked, unable to hide the surprise in his voice.

"No. It was an accident. I know you wouldn't have told him anything if you'd been awake and aware of what you were saying. I've had conversations with you when you're half asleep Nick, and I know you say things you wouldn't normally say," Sara told him. "Like the time the in second grade where the bullies made you eat lunch with your underwear on your head."

"I told you that?" Nick asked, turning bright red in embarrassment. Though he was willing to share nearly every childhood story with Sara, that was one that he'd hoped to be able to keep to himself.

"Yeah, but don't worry. That secret's safe with me. And it means a lot to me that you were so honest about what you said to Brass. I really can trust you, can't I?"

That did it for Nick. He knew that he had to tell her, and now, about what had happened to him when he was nine years old. Besides the fact that he now knew that Sara would understand, having been through abuse as a child herself, she had basically just told him that the best thing was to be honest, that keeping things from her would make her distrust him again. "I, uh, I have something else I need to tell you…I'm not sure how to say it, but I know you'll understand and…I…I…only Cath knows, but that's because he forced it out of me over a case once…"

He didn't realize that he'd started to cry until Sara was leaning over him, wiping away his tears with her thumbs. "If you're not ready to tell me yet…"

"No, I need to tell you now, or I might not ever be able to," Nick interrupted. "When I was a kid, I had a babysitter one night who…she…in my bedroom…" Nick stopped speaking, unable to get the words out, but Sara heard them all the same. He felt her wrap her arms around him and pull him down to rest on her as tears leaked from his brown eyes. He caressed the back of his head, running her fingers through his hair as he cried out his grief and anger over what the babysitter had done to him. When he was done, she asked one simple question.

"Only the one time?"

"Yes," he replied, voice hoarse.

"I'm right here, Cowboy, I'm not going anywhere," Sara soothed, not only stroking his head, but his shoulders and upper back as well. Comforted by the woman he was in love with, and drained from his emotional story and the crying, he fell asleep nestled against Sara, thinking only how lucky he was to have her.

Sara had a hard time falling asleep after what Nick had revealed to her. She lay in bed with him, and while he snored lightly against her chest, she stared up at the ceiling. What had happened to Nick as a child was terrible. No child should ever have to endure something like that. His first sexual experience had been a traumatic one, and most likely skewed his perception of sex and intimacy for a very long time. She'd often read during her forensic courses and the psychology courses she had been forced to take, that children who suffer sexual abuse have a very difficult time forging romantic adult relationships later in life. And though Nick didn't seem to have a problem being with her now, she looked back on the three and a half years she'd known him and only one female companion came up, the prostitute friend of his who had been murdered. And they'd only been friends for a very short time. Nick, though it might be undeserved now that she thought about it, had gained a reputation at the lab as being a playboy. It's possible that came with the fact that he'd been a frat boy jock in college and by stereotyping, was considered a ladies man now. But more often than not, Nick was the loner in the group. While Warrick, Cath, and even Greg could rustle up dates to company parties or to nights out with friends, Nick always came stag. And left the same way, no matter how many women were fawning all over him.

And he wanted her. He loved her. Probably the only other person on the planet as emotionally closed off and sexually repressed as he was, with the exception of Grissom. Why? Sara slowly drifted off to sleep herself as her mind worked on answering that question.

Nick awoke a few hours later to some strange sound he couldn't quite identify. He leaned over to Sara, only to find her side of the bed empty. Warm, but empty. He lifted his head off the pillow and checked the clock on his end table. Five-fifteen PM. They still had about and hour before they'd usually get up. He looked around the room and found no Sara. He heard the strange sound again, this time coming from the direction of the bathroom. The door was slightly ajar, the light on, and someone was in there. As he listened a little longer, he began to make out the sound. Someone, Sara, was retching. Immediately, Nick jumped into action, getting out of bed and hopping into a pair of boxers on the way to the bathroom. He pushed open the door and looked inside. Sara, in his t-shirt, was kneeling next to the toilet, leaning over it, throwing up. Nick knelt down beside her, pulling her brown hair back to try to keep it from getting in the way. He also began to rub her back in an attempt to comfort her as she brought up everything she'd apparently eating in the last week. After what seemed like forever to him, but was actually only a few minutes, she pushed back from the toilet and leaned against him, sighing in equal parts frustration and exhaustion. Sara hated to be sick.

"I hate being sick," Sara announced softly as Nick continued to rub her back long after she'd finished throwing up.

"I know," Nick replied simply. "C'mon, why don't you take a shower? It'll help you feel better." He stood up, offering his hands to Sara to help her stand. Once she was on her feet, he reached around the shower curtain and started the water, adjusting the temperature for her before leaving her to shower on her own. Though they were becoming more comfortable in their relationship, they had yet to reach the stage where he was welcome to jump in the shower with her. They'd only had sex twice now; way too soon to do something so intimate.

His phone rang this time as he was fixing the pillows on the couch and cleaning up any food they'd left in the living room after he'd taken Sara to bed for comfort sex again. It was hard to believe that only a few hours had passed since she'd told him her dark secret and he'd done the same. Nick flipped open his cell and glanced quickly at the caller ID. Catherine. Pressing the talk button he greeted her. "Hey Cath. What's up?"

"Hey Nicky. Not much, really, just wanted to invite you over for sloppy joes before shift. Lindsey's having a few friends over, so I thought I would, too. Plus, my mom'll be here, and I can use the distraction," Catherine gushed out quickly.

"Just me? I didn't know you were interested," Nick teased, smiling into the phone.

"Ha ha, very funny," Catherine shot back, amused by his joke but trying hard not to show it. "I'm inviting the whole team, and Greg, too. I figure he'd at least give us some comic relief."

"Sounds good. What time are you serving?" Nick asked.

"I figure if you get here by six-thirty they'll still be some food for you," Catherine informed him. "Will we be seeing you?"

"Yeah, probably. Have you called everyone yet?" Nick asked, trying to figure out a way to bring up Sara without tipping to Catherine that Sara was there with him.

"Just Sara left. Warrick, Greg, and Brass are yeses. Even Grissom agreed to stop by before shift," Catherine told him. "I'm proud of that one."

"You should be," Nick agreed. "Well, you better call Sara and I better catch a shower now if I'm to be at your place at six-thirty. See ya soon."

They never made it to Cath's house. Grissom called the entire team in early for a high profile case. Sheriff Burdick's youngest niece had been kidnapped, the ransom note arriving while the sheriff was out at dinner with his brother and their wives. Burdick, of course, had called the lab screaming for the best team possible to find his ten year old niece and to do it yesterday. Director Cavallo, of course, had called Grissom, who in turn had phoned the members of his team. Who were now all sitting in the conference room staring at the ransom note.

"What do we know, Gil?" Catherine asked all business even though she was seething with anger inside. They'd just finished a terrible case, so why were they being forced to work another one? Sure, being called the best team was very flattering (and very true) but couldn't it be someone else's turn to deal with violent crimes against children? All Cath had wanted to do was spend some time with her own daughter, who wasn't much older than Katey Burdick, as it were. Lindsey, of course, had not been happy that her mother had to leave the party early, and Catherine expected the cold shoulder treatment to last well into next week. At least her mother was there to chaperone Lindsey and her three friends, as well as try to smooth things over between the eleven year old and her mother.

"Katey Burdick was at a late afternoon ballet lesson on Tropicana Boulevard. Her instructor saw her get into a car which looked exactly like her oldest sister's, and that's the last anyone has seen of the girl. This ransom note was delivered to the Sheriff and his brother, the girl's father, while they were having dinner at The Rampart," Grissom caught them up. "Ten million dollars by midnight tomorrow, or the kidnappers say they will kill the girl."

"You said the car looked like the eldest daughter's?" Warrick asked.

"Yes. Amanda Burdick, nineteen. Drives a blue Mazda Miata convertible," Grissom elaborated.

"Did the dance teacher actually see Amanda driving?" Sara asked.

"Top was up, and the side windows were tinted," Grissom told them.

"So that would be a no," Nick stated, only to wither under the glare Grissom sent him.

"I'm going to do the personal interviews with the family members with Brass," Grissom said. "Cath, I want you to go to the dance studio and find anything you can. Warrick, you're on phone detail. Any calls incoming or outgoing to any of the Burdick lines. That includes all three daughters as well as extended family."

"You think the oldest is mad at Daddy and this is her way of getting back at him?" Warrick voiced his suspicion.

"Possible. We can't discount the fact that the car could have been the eldest daughter's." Grissom then turned to Sara. "You're on ransom note detail. I want fingerprints, DNA, ink and paper analysis, the works."

"What about me?" Nick asked when he was sure Grissom wasn't going to give him a job on this case.

"Decomp out by Lake Meade. Take Greg for the learning experience," Grissom snapped before quickly leaving the conference room to meet up with Brass down at the police station.

"Oh man, Nicky, what did you do?" Catherine only half joked, feeling very sorry for their Texas friend. Obviously, he'd ticked off Grissom somehow; otherwise he wouldn't be punishing Nick this way. She caught the brief three-way glance between Nick, Sara, and Warrick, and wondered what they knew that she didn't. But the glance was very brief, and it's possible she was reading too much into it. Sighing, she stood up, wished her co-workers luck, and left to sign out a Tahoe to take over to the dance studio.

After both Catherine and Grissom had left, Warrick gave Nick a very sympathetic look. "Hey man, sorry about this. You think Grissom suspects you two?"

"What?" Sara practically shouted, giving Nick a dirty look. "How could he possibly know?" Then realizing what Warrick had said, she turned to him and demanded, "How do you know?"

"I, uh, kinda told him," Nick said cautiously. "I just couldn't…"

"I guessed, and then really twisted Nick's arm," Warrick cut in, sensing that Nick was about to get his ass handed to him and wanted to do what he could to prevent that. "It wasn't really his fault. I put your humming together with you two spending all your time together and it all just added up. But I swear I didn't tell anyone, especially Grissom."

"No, no, I know you wouldn't," Sara said, anger deflating a little, but unable to look at Nick.

"In Nick's defense, he was gushing about how happy he is with you, about how much he loves being with you," Warrick told Sara, going for broke and hoping to save his friend's life.

"Gushing?" Sara asked, narrowing her eyes in disbelief.

"He could hardly contain himself he was so excited," Warrick added.

"He's sitting right here," Nick spoke up, red as a lobster. "And I wasn't gushing."

"Oh really?" Warrick said slyly. "Then what would you call it?"

"Uh…well…" Nick stammered.

"You really are happy?" Sara suddenly asked, looking at Nick for some major reassurance.

"So happy that I can barely contain myself," Nick told her without a shred of embarrassment, smiling at her.

"Well, then, I guess I can forgive you for telling Warrick," Sara said, reaching out and lacing her fingers with his. "But who told Grissom? Because I'm sure that's why you're getting screwed here." When both guys gave her a funny look, Sara realized what she'd said and turned bright red. "I didn't mean it like that, you two. You're such guys."

"Brass?" Nick suggested. "I did answer your phone and pretty much implied that we're together. But would he go and tell Grissom?"

"Absolutely," Sara said without hesitation. "If only to say 'I told you so'."

"Do we confront Grissom about us?" Nick wondered, equal parts excited by the prospect that he and Sara were an official couple now, and afraid of facing the wrath of Grissom. There had been one unspoken rule throughout the graveyard shift; hands off Sara, she was strictly the boss's girl. And now Nick had broken the rule. The fact that Sara had started it wasn't important. Nick had dipped his entire hand into the cookie jar, and now it was time to be punished for it.

"No," Sara stated. "We're not doing anything wrong. It's Grissom's problem, so he'll have to deal with it. I'm not his personal yo-yo." With that Sara stood up, grabbed the ransom note, gave Nick a quick goodbye kiss on the lips, smiled at Warrick, and left the conference room, a happy spring in her step, which didn't go unnoticed by the guys.

"She's happy," Warrick said softly.

"So am I," Nick answered, staring after Sara.


	9. Chapter 9

The Perfect Heart

Chapter 9: Rectangular Devices

"So, why are you on Grissom's list?" Greg asked from the passenger seat before he and Nick had left the parking garage for their crime scene.

"What?" Nick asked absently as he concentrated on making a left hand turn across one of the busiest streets in Vegas.

"Grissom's list? You know, the one he puts people on when they've done something to piss him off or go against his moral compass? Ringing any bells?" Greg persisted.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Nick replied, turning the SUV onto the freeway to head out to Lake Meade. "Grissom wants me to take you along to teach you something. You do want to leave the lab, right?"

"Yeah, but you guys didn't have to fight it out or anything. He just picked you, keeping you off that high profile case and putting you on a decomp. I'd say he's mad at or disappointed in you over something," Greg said knowingly. "What gives?"

Nick sighed, not sure how to get out of this conversation with the lab rat-turn-CSI wannabe. He definitely did not want to start talking to Greg about his relationship with Sara, not because he was afraid the younger man couldn't keep it a secret (though Nick didn't think he could) but because he knew that Greg harbored a crush on Sara, and wasn't sure how deep that went or how to break the news to Greg that Sara was now off limits. He and Sara had never discussed how to tell people, and though she seemed to take it okay that he'd spilled the beans to Warrick, Greg was a completely different story. Sara also knew about Greg's schoolboy infatuation, and would think long and hard about how to tell Greg about all this with careful consideration to his feelings. Because Sara was like that. She could be hard, abrasive, crass, even argumentative and stubborn, but she always did her best to consider her friends' feelings in everything she did.

"Nick? Hello? Earth to Nicky," Greg prodded, waving his hand across Nick's line of sight.

"Don't do that, Greggo. Not while I'm driving," Nick reprimanded. "You wanna get in an accident?"

"No, but I want to know where you spaced off to just now," Greg said. "It has something to do with Grissom, right?"

"No, Greg, it doesn't," Nick told him. "I was just thinking about how to teach you at the crime scene. Did you bring a kit along?"

Greg nodded. "Yeah, I figured I should. Being prepared and all that."

"Good, good," Nick replied. "I guess we'll just decide how to divvy up the collection once we get to the crime scene. It may not even be a real crime, you know. A lot of decomps from Lake Meade are from late night boaters who accidentally fell overboard, or stupid people swimming alone at night."

"That would suck. My first real case and it's not even a crime, just a stupid person," Greg whined theatrically.

"You know what Grissom would say," Nick taunted. "Don't make judgments until all the evidence is in."

Sara leaned over the sink in the women's room and splashed water on her pale face, trying to hide the evidence. She'd just spent the last twenty minutes hiding in the bathroom with her head over a toilet, again. Something was definitely off with her stomach. Hopefully it's just the stomach flu, she thought to herself. And hopefully I won't give it to Nick. As much as he likes taking care of me when I'm sick, I hate dealing with sick people.

As she sucked some water in her mouth and attempted to rinse the sour bile flavor from her mouth, Catherine came breezing in. "There you are. I could use some help with some evidence I picked up from the dance studio." She motioned to one of the empty stalls. "I just have to make a stop, and then we can get working." A few moments after Catherine had disappeared into the stall directly behind Sara she called out, "Damnit! Hey, uh, Sara, do you happen to have a tampon on you?"

"Sure," Sara replied, setting her purse on the sink and digging through a hidden pouch to pull out one of life's little necessities for a woman. As she pulled a tampon out, she briefly took note of how many she had in her purse. That's funny, she thought, I should have a lot less, since my period…Suddenly panicked, she thrust the tampon over the door to Catherine and immediately flipped open her cell phone and pulled up the electronic calendar. Nineteen days, or nearly three weeks late. Where had that time gone? Why hadn't she noticed? Scrolling up, she looked for the marked date of her last period. Beginning of January. Now, nearly the end of February. Seven weeks since she'd had a period. And now her stomach was on the fritz. She had a headache all the time. Her sleep had never been better, even when Nick wasn't there with her.

Oh crap.

"Hey, you okay? You're whiter than a ghost," Catherine said as she washed her hands in the sink next to Sara.

Sara glanced over at Catherine; she hadn't even heard the other woman finish in the stall and come over to wash her hands. "Uh…I…"

"You look sick," Catherine said bluntly.

"I'm feeling a little nauseous," Sara managed to get out, bending over the sink and trying to let her revelation sink in.

"It's probably this case," Catherine dismissed. "I'm feeling a little sick over it myself. I mean, the kid's ten, almost Lindsey's age. It's scary. I have to keep myself from calling her every ten minutes, and from pulling her out of all her after school activities, you know? She takes dance lessons, too, though thankfully, not at the same place as Katey Burdick."

Sara tuned out Catherine as he went on and on about the horrors of cases involving children, and her restraint with Lindsey. Only one thing was on Sara's mind: was she about to be in the same position as her co-worker? No, it couldn't be possible, it wasn't true. There hadn't been anyone else except Nick since Hank. She and Nick had only slept together twice, and had used a condom both times. But they're not 100 percent effective; a little voice in her head tauntingly admonished her. Her future life suddenly began to flash before her eyes: Nick angry and dumping her, she alone with a baby, she a terrible mother, not knowing how to stop her baby from crying, not knowing how to change a diaper, not knowing what kinds of food to feed him, not knowing anything. Or, maybe she and Nick getting married, then fighting all the time, taking it out on their kid, then another unwanted kid comes along, now there's violence and hatred and…her family from her childhood. Sara stared to hyperventilate, shaking all over. This can not be happening, she decided. No way, no how. I can't handle this. Pregnant? What the hell am I going to do? How do I tell Nick? This will ruin us. We've only been officially together for…actually, we haven't made it official yet. He'd going to run away and I'll be alone and I can't deal with that, I…A million thoughts ran through Sara's head, faster and faster, until she couldn't take it anymore and her mind checked out and her body blacked out.

"Sara? Sara? Can you hear me?" a soft voice asked her soothingly as a hand lightly tapped her cheek.

Sara opened her eyes to see Catherine leaning over her, concern and worry written across her face. Sara then took in her surroundings slowly. The women's bathroom. And she was lying down on the floor. What? "Hey, what happened?" Sara croaked out.

"You fainted, that's what," Catherine informed her gently. "I caught you before you hit your head, but you've been out for a few minutes. I shouted for help and Jacquie ran to get Doc Robbins, who should be here any minute. Do you feel like you can sit up?"

"Yeah," Sara replied. She started to sit up, Catherine supporting her back, and then the world began to spin right before her eyes and Sara was quickly leaning to the side, throwing up again, her co-worker pulling her hair out of her face, much like Nick had done earlier. Thoughts of Nick pervaded her mind and she began to shake again, until she remembered why she'd fainted, and she pushed all thoughts of Nick from her mind. Sara could not deal with her startling revelation right now, not on the floor of the women's bathroom at the lab, with a co-worker she didn't always get along with and the city's chief medical examiner coming into the bathroom.

"Hey, Sara, Jacquie tells me you fainted?" Doc Robbins asked, supporting himself against a sink and leaning down to take her pulse.

"Ask Catherine. I wasn't exactly conscious at the time," Sara tried to joke, only wincing at how high pitched and strained her voice was.

"She looked white a few moments before she blacked out," Catherine informed the doctor, all professional now. "She was out almost five minutes, and then vomited as soon as she woke up and tried to sit up."

"Did she hit her head?" Doc Robbins asked.

"No, I caught her before that happened and lowered her the rest of the way."

"Hmm," Doc Robbins said, finished taking her pulse and now looking at Sara's pupils and feeling for a fever.

"Could it just be stress over the case?" Catherine asked.

"It's possible," Doc Robbins agreed, then turned to Sara. "When's the last time you've eaten anything?" he asked knowingly.

"I had a late breakfast, around noon or so," Sara informed him. "But I threw that up."

"Were these the only times you've vomited?" Doc Robbins pressed.

"No," Sara admitted grudgingly, not able to meet Catherine or Doc Robbins's eyes, or those of Jacquie, who was watching from the doorway. "I've had trouble keeping food down for the past few days."

Doc Robbins nodded knowingly. "Your pulse is a little low, probably due to low blood sugar because you haven't really eaten anything for a while. I suggest going home and trying to eat something light, like crackers and soup or a buttered roll, and then sleeping for a while. And taking a night or two off to recover."

"I can't Doc. We have this case…" Sara tried to argue.

"Sara, you don't have any energy to work. You need to be able to eat to get energy; it's a simple biological fact. Next time you might faint at a worse place, like driving, to a crime scene maybe?" Doc Robbins informed her gently. "You need to rest to be able to eat to be able to be able to have energy to work."

"He's right, Sara," Catherine chimed in. "I'll tell Grissom, and then I'm driving you home."

"No, no it's okay," Sara replied quickly. "I can drive myself home."

"Sara…"

"No, really, I'm okay. I can drive myself. Besides, my car's here, what if I need something while I'm out sick?" she said, trying to come up with a solid reason to let them allow her to drive herself. The last thing she wanted was someone to take her home; then she wouldn't be able to stop at the 24-hour Walgreen's on the way home. Not without a lot of questions, anyway.

"If you're really sure," Doc Robbins said, sounding not at all sure it was a good idea.

"Yeah, really," Sara assured them, standing up on her own to prove to them she could handle it. "And I promise to take a few nights off, okay?"

"Okay, then. Go on home and I'll talk inform Grissom," Catherine told her. And with that, Sara beat a hasty exit from the bathroom and from the lab.

They were all lined up in front of her on the coffee table. All five of them. All giving the same result. She couldn't comprehend what it meant. They all couldn't be wrong, could they? The statistical probability of that was impossible, or at least very improbable. What was going to happen now? Sara was scared, really really scared for the first time in a very long time. Not since her mother had killed her father was her future so uncertain that it scared her to the point of near paralysis. She needed to call Nick. She needed Nick. Only, she couldn't even reach over and pick up the phone. She couldn't turn on the TV, she couldn't make herself something to eat. She couldn't do anything except stare at those five small rectangular shaped devices on her coffee table, predicting her future for her. Sara had no idea how long she'd been sitting on her couch, looking at them. She barely remembered the drive home, stopping at Walgreen's to buy a five pack of pregnancy tests. She barely remembered taking all five, one after another, when she questioned the previous one's results. It had to have been hours, she reasoned, since sunlight was making its way through her windows and traveling across the wood floor of her apartment. It had been night when she'd arrived home; that she remembered. It had been in the middle of shift, after being sent home sick by Catherine and Doc Robbins. The phone had rung a few times, both her apartment line and cell phone. She'd answered neither, though she did hear the messages being left on her home phone, one from Grissom telling her to take some time off to get better, one from Doc Robbins reminding her to eat and sleep, one from Catherine asking her to call her to let her know how she was feeling, and one from Nick, telling her he'd heard about what had happened and that he needed a lemon shower, but would call when he was done to see if she wanted company. He hadn't called back yet.

And Sara was scared. Scared of what she would do, what she would say, what would happen. And she was scared of what Nick would do, what Nick would say, what Nick would think would happen. She had no idea where to go from here, and no one she felt comfortable calling and asking for help. The phone rang again, Nick again, and as he was leaving his concerned message, something inside Sara broke and she began to cry for the first time since she realized how her life might change. She was really scared, and she needed Nick. Nick was a good guy; he wouldn't leave her over this, wouldn't disappear from her life. He'd step in and help. For the first time in her life, Sara admitted to herself that she needed help. And as Nick's message was winding down, she reached over and picked up the phone. "Nick?" she said into the receiver, surprised at how sad and desperate her voice sounded.

"Sar? What's wrong? Are you okay?" Nick immediately asked, picking up on the sadness in her voice and becoming very worried.

"Can you come over," she whispered to him.

"I'll be right there."

After Sara'd hung up her phone, she turned back to stare at the five offending rectangular devices on her coffee table, all lined up in a row. All telling her the same thing. She was pregnant.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Sorry it's taken me so long to update. I was in a car accident and hurt my arm, so I couldn't type for a while there, but I'm feeling better now, so here's the next chapter

The Perfect Heart

Chapter 10: Realizations and Soothing Words

Nick thought of all the horrible things that could be the cause of Sara's obvious distress over the phone: One, she could be seriously sick. He'd been told by no less than ten people that Sara had fainted in the women's bathroom halfway through shift and that Catherine had forced her to go home. How that many people had found out was beyond him, though he belatedly thought that he shouldn't be surprised by the rumor mill of the lab, after more than five years there. Two, something could have happened to her at home while she was by herself. Three, she received some bad news and wasn't taking it very well. Four, she was having second thoughts about their relationship…the list when on and on, filling Nick's head so completely that he couldn't even try to calm himself and discount some possibilities. As he continued to rack up the potential scenarios, he raced his SUV down the street, barely making the right hand turn onto Sara's block without tipping his car over. His only need was to get to Sara as fast as he could; she was all that mattered to him right now. Something was wrong with her and she wanted him there with her, and satisfying her want was what he had to do.

When he'd first heard about her collapse just over an hour ago, he'd almost rushed right over to her apartment to check on her, but Catherine's surreptitious step back and covering of her mouth made Nick rethink that choice immediately. He stank; the aroma of decomposing body was all over him, as was normal when one spent all shift dealing with a decomp pulled from a garbage bag floating in Lake Meade. However, though it was normal and his girlfriend would understand, it was not something he wanted to expose her to, especially if she was sick. So, instead, he'd left a hasty message on her cell and on her home machine to tell her that he was going to take a hot shower with lemons to (hopefully) get rid of the putrid stench, and then call her later to see if he was welcome to come over. But, as soon as he heard Sara's voice on the other end of the line, he knew he'd be over there in record time, whether she wanted him to be or not Sure, she'd been upset about the past few cases, even cried on his shoulder some, but nothing like what he'd just heard and sensed. There was just something in her tone that scared him, scared him even more than the time he'd come home from the conference in Chicago and found her on his couch, at the start of this journey together. This time, Sara sounded, not like she'd lost her footing, but more like she was just about to fall apart, and Nick knew he had to be there to catch her and help her work through whatever it was that was causing this sudden change in her. And he had to know if there was anything he could do to help her resolve it.

Nick haphazardly parked in an empty visitor's spot outside Sara's apartment complex and raced inside the building, using the key she'd given him years ago in case she ever had an emergency. Taking the stairs two at a time because he didn't want to waste any time waiting for an elevator, Nick made his way up to the third floor. He jogged down the long hallway to her apartment, skidding to an abrupt halt before he missed her door. Gently, he slid his key into her lock and opened the door, calling out for her as he entered so as not to startle her. He was shocked to see her sitting motionless on the couch, not even acknowledging his presence. He called out to her again, a little more loudly, and still received no response. Whatever was keeping her focus on the coffee table couldn't even be broken by him. Quietly, he closed the door and made his way over to her, stopping quickly as soon as he saw what she was staring at on the coffee table in front of her. Nick knew what those five little rectangular boxes were; he had five sisters, he wasn't ignorant. The question was, what were those little boxes saying?

Nick stood paralyzed; he couldn't get his feet to move. Part of him wanted to know what the results were displayed in those pregnancy tests. Another part wanted to high-tail it out of there in terror. And a third part took one look at Sara and knew that no matter what those things said, this would affect her way more than him and that he should wait until she invited him into her private moment of introspection over the pregnancy tests. He also knew that the wrong move here could destroy everything he had wanted and received, everything they had worked towards. Should he sit next to her, should he wait where he was until she called him, or should he leave? Well, right away he decided he wasn't going to leave; he was not that kind of guy, never had been and never planned it. But did Sara want him to sit with her? Sure, she'd asked him over, wanted him there, but did she want him to know everything, or did she need more time? Nick knew that sitting next to her on the couch at this moment could just as easily scare her away as it could make her curl up into him for comfort. Thankfully, he never had to make that final decision.

"Nick," Sara croaked out, eyes never leaving the five pregnancy tests lined up in front of her. "I…can…I…you…" Words failing her, Sara turned to him, tears building in her brown eyes, and held out a hand to him.

Nick took that to mean she wanted him with her and so he crossed the rest of the way to the couch, sitting down and pulling her to him. As Sara curled up into his chest, tears now flowing down her cheeks and wetting his shirt, he took a long, hard look at the pregnancy tests. All five said the exact same thing, that his Sara was pregnant. And it all made sense, Nick realized. The nausea and vomiting, her sleepiness, her sudden hot and cold flashes at night, and slight irritability, especially when he woke her up for shift; it all added up and he couldn't believe he didn't see it before, especially with five sisters and a sister-in-law who'd all been pregnant.

He rubbed Sara's back as she cried herself out, trying to be as compassionate and soothing as possible. Nick knew this was a serious issue they were going to have to deal with, and one that he wasn't quite sure he was ready for. Sure, he thought about his future with Sara, including the possibility of children, but in all his fantasies, they were married and their child was planned. Never in his wildest dreams would he have ever thought they'd have been barely dating and pregnant after their first time sleeping together. They had used a condom; that had been something they'd both silently agreed to, since Sara hadn't been on any form of birth control, and though Nick knew that condoms weren't a perfect fix, he'd been reasonably certain the odds would be with them. Gambling, apparently, wasn't his forte.

Sara's sobs quieted slowly as Nick comforted her, eventually stopping altogether. However, as she calmed down, she seemed to cling to him even more tightly as if she was afraid he'd leave once he could finish being the knight in shining armor and escape this terrible position she'd put him in. Nick, though, had no intention of going anywhere, and as Sara held on more tightly, so did he, pulling her into his lap and tucking her head under his chin. "I'm not going anywhere, Sunshine," he assured her quietly. "Take all the time you want before we talk about this. I'm not going anywhere."

"I didn't mean for this to happen, Nick, you have to believe me," Sara pleaded with him, voice hoarse from crying.

"Oh, I know you didn't honey, no more than I did," Nick said forcefully, squeezing her gently. "Can I ask why you took all five?"

"I thought maybe the first one was wrong, then the second, then the third…" Sara explained, sniffling. "I kept hoping that…I wasn't sure what I was hoping for. I'm still not. I don't know what to do from here."

"Okay, well, the first thing we have to do is get you in to see your doctor so she can tell us how far along you are," Nick answered calmly, the voice of reason. "And we need to discuss the options with her and get any prenatal prescriptions you might need."

"Options?" Sara asked, pulling away from Nick so she could look him in the eye. She had always assumed that Nick, being the home-grown family Texan that he was, that he'd want the baby, even if it had been unplanned. Now, however, with him mentioning options, Sara wasn't so sure what he felt. Hell, she wasn't sure how she felt about all of it, and she'd had a few more hours than him to process it all.

"I'm not stupid or unreasonable, Sara. I know this wasn't planned and that its way too soon for us to even thing about adding a baby to the mix." Nick smiled at her, trying to reassure her that everything would be okay in the end. "But I also think that this isn't something we should decide right now, when our emotions are running high. It's early enough in the pregnancy to take a few weeks and weigh everything in before making a final decision," he reasoned. "And I know it's your body and that you have the final word; I'm not going to contest that. I'm going to be here no matter what you decide. You may not be ready for a child right now, and truthfully, I'm not sure I am, either, though I'd be lying if I said that the idea of having a baby with you didn't excite me a little." Nick stroked the side of her face lovingly with the back of his knuckles, sending her all his love and support through his touch. "I want you to know that I do want a future with you that includes kids, but I also realize that that might not be something you're willing to do, considering your past and how much it affects you. I'm okay with that, too, not having kids I mean. It's not a deal breaker for me."

"I don't know what to do…" Sara said sadly, shaking her head.

"Let's just start with seeing your doctor and go from there, okay?" Nick suggested, smiling comforting at Sara and pulling her back against him for a hug.

As shift ended Warrick walked Catherine to her car, both making small talk about what their plans were for later in the day. Cath planned on relaxing by her pool and maybe catching up on sleep, since her mother was taking Lindsey shopping and then to lunch for a Grandmother/Granddaughter day, while Warrick was meeting some old friends at a basketball court for a few games. Being the gentleman that he was, once Catherine had unlocked her car, he opened the door for her, but Cath didn't get in right away.

"I think that before I go home I'll stop by Sara's and see how she's feeling," Catherine suggested. She'd tried calling her younger co-worker a few times since she'd fainted in the bathroom and then driven herself home, but Sara had not answered her phone. She was sure the brunette had made it home, otherwise the hospital or the cops would have notified them, but Catherine was worried about the underlying cause of Sara's collapse. The girl had not looked right, and really hadn't for about a week now. She always seemed pale and tired, and while that might be the norm for a day or so for Sara if she decided to forgo sleeping and eating, it had never lasted this long. Catherine was convinced Sara was sick, and unless forced, the woman would not take care of herself and just make things worse.

"Ah, that's probably not necessary," Warrick rushed. "I'm sure she's fine."

"Warrick, the girl's sick and alone. How is that fine?" Catherine snapped, perturbed by the man's seeming indifference to their friend's health and well-being.

"I'm, uh, sure she's not alone," Warrick haltingly responded.

That threw Catherine for a loop and her jaw dropped open, hanging in disbelief. Sara was seeing someone? When the hell did that happen? The only other time Catherine had ever know Sara to be dating was when she was with that paramedic jerk, and Cath had been there in the devastating end. As a woman who'd been cheated on, Catherine had picked up the signs almost as soon as they'd started working the case, and had even felt sympathy for poor, clueless Sara. She'd debated over whether she should tell Sara or not, and then had decided on not. There was no way it wasn't going to come out during this case, plus, if she had told Sara, chances were that she wouldn't believe it, and that would just add another level to their already built tension from Eddie's case a few months prior. Though she and Sara had never been the best of friends, they'd always had a strong professional relationship founded on respect, and had worked extremely well together, having the highest solve rate as a team in the entire lab. Until Eddie's death. Cath knew she'd crossed a line when she'd all but accused Sara of being a bad CSI and blaming her for the unresolved outcome, and ever since then, things had been strained. Then, add to it her convincing Grissom to take a very high profile case away from Sara and Nick and give it to her instead, well, it might have gone professionally, but it wasn't pretty. And now, the two of them hardly ever worked together anymore. It was a shame, really, and something Catherine had been meaning to discuss with Grissom, but had been too scared to bring it up. Sara was a sore spot with her friend, especially of late, and Catherine wasn't sure why, but had her suspicions. She would bet Lindsey's life that the man was in love with their co-worker, but being the inexperienced loner he was, he had no idea what to do about it. He'd become so confused over his feelings that he'd strike out at the object of his affections, pushing her farther and farther away from him…

"Cath? Are you here?" Warrick interrupted her thoughts.

"Huh? What? Sorry. I just spaced with what you said. Did you just tell me that Sara's seeing someone?" Catherine asked for clarification.

"Look," Warrick said, "Just don't go over there, okay? Sara will tell you what's going on when she's ready."

"Alright," Cath agreed. "If you're sure."

"Positive. Sara's not alone and she's going to be okay," Warrick assured her. "Just give her time to work it all out in her head first."

"Okay, okay, I trust you," Catherine grumbled. "But how good can this guy be if she's been sick and he's done nothing to help her out?"

Warrick smiled wryly. "Trust me, he's got the perfect heart for Sara."


	11. Chapter 11

The Perfect Heart

Chapter 11: Introspection

Catherine couldn't relax no matter how hard she tried. Warrick's last words to her caused her mind to go into overload and it would just not shut down, regardless of what she did. She tried a few margaritas, a CD of nature sounds, her foot massager that Lindsey had gotten her for Mother's Day last year. She'd even broken out one of her old forensic textbooks guaranteed to make her fall asleep ten pages in. No such luck this time. All she could think about was Sara and the fact that Sara was seeing someone. Or so Warrick had implied. But since he didn't outright deny it, Catherine took his implication as fact, and one she wasn't exactly supposed to know about yet. It was driving her crazy. Obviously, Warrick knew who the guy was, or he wouldn't have said that the man was perfect for their co-worker, which begged the question, who was he? And how long has Sara been seeing him? If Warrick knew him to be the perfect guy, then Sara must have been with him for a while now, right? So, where were those incredible investigative skills she had? How had she not known this about her co-worker? True, Sara played it close to home and did not share her private life at the lab, but still, Cath knew she should have been able to pick something up, some sign, some phone call, some look. Nothing.

Her first thought on Sara's new boyfriend was Grissom. It would explain a lot, especially his concern when she told him about Sara's collapse in the bathroom and the fight that went on in him over whether he should go to her or remain the boss at the lab. He had tried to hide his emotions well, but not well enough to beat Catherine. She filed away all the expressions on his face as she informed him of their sick co-worker and decided the man was hopelessly in love with Sara. She had suspected this for a while now, almost two years in fact, and in those two years she had subtly (and not so subtly) hinted that the man should just go with it, ask her out and see what happened. Of course, Grissom being Grissom, being afraid of personal change and allowing someone to know his innermost soul, ignored her hints. Catherine wondered if she'd finally gotten through to him. For two years she'd told him that it wouldn't ruin anything if he started a relationship with Sara, despite the fact that he was her boss. Those types of things could be worked around, especially when love was involved. But Grissom remained resolute in his convictions, with only brief lapses, one being his punishment of Sara when she started dating Hank, and the other being his obsessivness and confession during the Debbie Marlin case. Grissom did not know she knew about his confession in the interrogation room, but Brass just had to tell someone, and had figured Catherine would be the biggest help. So far, nothing had come from it, or so she had thought.

Sighing deeply, Catherine gave up on her relaxing morning. Instead, she dressed quickly and made her way back into work. If she couldn't rest, the least she could do was put in more time on the Katey Burdick kidnapping. The ten year old still hadn't been found, and the Sheriff was screaming at the lab and Grissom in particular, for heads to roll. He wanted his niece found and he wanted it done yesterday. And it wasn't just the Sheriff breathing down Grissom's back; Director Cavallo had stopped by every hour or so to try to push them along. The Mayor had made a few phone calls, even the Governor. All that was missing was a state senator and then the President. As much as Catherine wanted to become a supervisor, she did not envy the political aspect of that position. Though she knew she played politics much better that Grissom, that didn't mean she had to enjoy it. She had seen Grissom's car in the parking garage, so he was here, putting in some more work on the case, and giving him a hand and maybe sending away the politicians could earn her some answers to the questions flying around in her head.

Catherine found Grissom in the layout room, pictures of the crime scene and evidence spread out in front of him, the ransom note in the middle of the organized mess. Grissom was leaning over the table, rubbing his eyes in exhaustion, glassing hanging from one hand. She came into the room, clearing her throat to get his attention. The graveyard supervisor looked up, startled at the intrusion, but smiled briefly at Catherine to thank her for coming back.

"Warrick called a few moments ago," he began without preamble. "He's heading back in; said he couldn't sleep until this was solved." He picked up the ransom note enclosed in a plastic evidence bag. "We only have until midnight and we haven't gotten anywhere. I think we need to call Nick and Sara in as well. Maybe even Greg."

"Call Nick and Greg," Catherine told him, "but not Sara. She's sick and needs some time off."

Grissom sighed loudly. "I realize she's not feeling well, but we need all hands on deck for this. If we don't find Katey Burdick we'll all probably be out of jobs."

"Gil," Catherine stated forcefully, stepping up to the table and looking him square in the eyes. "She collapsed a few hours ago. As in fainted. An in was unconscious. She's in no state to be able to work right now."

"I'm sorry, but sometimes cases are more important than personal health and dramas," Grissom snapped back rudely.

And that solved it for Catherine. Grissom, though he'd been concerned about Sara early this morning, was not her secret boyfriend. If he was, he would not be acting like this. He'd be protecting her and keeping her away from the lab under pain of death until she was well again. Plus, Warrick had mentioned that he didn't think Sara was alone, and Grissom was here at the lab, not at her apartment.

"Fine," Catherine shot back. "But I'm calling. You can't be diplomatic about this, and if she sounds terrible I'm not asking her to come back." Catherine pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed Nick's number, waiting three rings before he answered.

"Hey Cath. What's up? Did you get a break on your kidnapping case?" the Texan asked.

"No, not even close. We need help; any chance you can come in now and work some over time? We only have until midnight, you know?" Cath pleaded. "I know you just worked a smelly, time consuming case, and Grissom was a jerk to you, but…"

"Sure, I can come in. Give me half an hour or so?" Nick replied.

"Kay, see you then." Catherine ended the call and then dialed Sara's number.

"Yeah?" a sleepy Sara from the other end.

"Hey Sar, did I wake you?" Catherine asked softly.

"It's okay. What's up?"

Catherine could picture Sara on the other end, starting to sit up and rub the sleep out of her eyes, trying to force herself awake for this conversation. Smiling in amusement, Catherine continued, "Grissom and I are at the lab working on the Burdick case, but we aren't getting anywhere. The deadline's coming up, no pun intended, Warrick's on his way back in. Any chance you're feeling better and can swing by and give us a hand?"

"Uh, yeah, uh…hold on…" Cath could hear voices through the phone, one male and one female, but she couldn't make out what they were saying. The female, obviously, was Sara, and the male Catherine guessed was her secret boyfriend. After a long, muffled conversation, Sara was back. "Yeah, sure. Just let me shower and get something to eat. I'll have Nick drive me in, since I don't feel up to driving myself right now. I probably should have let you drive me home earlier."

For Sara to admit that, Catherine realized, the girl must be feeling terrible. "Hey, if you're feeling that crappy, you don't have to come in. Your health is more important. Besides, there will still be four of us working the case…"

"No, no, it's okay. I'm good to work, but not so good to drive. I'll hitch a ride with Nick. See ya soon."

Once Sara had hung up, it had only taken Catherine thirty seconds to realize what Sara had said. She'd ask Nick for a ride in. How the hell did she know that Nick wasn't already at the lab? Or that he'd been called in on the case that he wasn't originally assigned to in the first place? The only way Sara would have known was if…Nick had been at Sara's apartment when she called him. Nick was at Sara's apartment. Warrick had said Sara wasn't going to be alone. Nick and Sara. Were. Together. That was the only explanation, Catherine realized. She looked up at her friend, only to find him staring intently at the evidence, seeming to have ignored her conversations with their co-workers. She knew Grissom hadn't heard Sara's end of the conversation, but she wondered all the same if he knew what was going on. He'd given Nick a decomp case rather than pass it off to another shift so that he could put everyone on the high-profile kidnap. He'd wanted Sara to come in, even though she was probably way to sick to be able to work. Does he already know about them? Catherine asked herself. And how long has it been going on? She knew that Nick and Sara had always had a flirty relationship, but nothing had ever seemed to come of it. Sara had been too infatuated with Grissom, and Nick, well, Nick was either not that interested, or too chicken to do anything about it. Or so Catherine had thought. But maybe that wasn't the case; maybe he had done something about it. Her mind flashed back to a conversation she'd had with Nick about a month ago, on the way to a crime scene. She had caught him with the goofiest smile she'd ever seen on his handsome face, and after some prodding, he'd admitted there was a girl, and that feelings seemed to run mutual, but nothing had happened yet. It was possible that that girl was Sara and now things had progressed. If so, and if they were truly happy, well, Catherine was happy for them. Sara probably couldn't find a better guy than Nick; if she was the girl he'd been talking about, then he was sure to treat Sara like she deserved. Nick was too honest a guy to play with her feelings; he'd tell her every day how special she was and how much he loved her. Unlike Grissom, Catherine realized. As much as she wanted her friend to be with the woman he loved, the more she thought about it, the more she decided that Sara was probably better off with Nick. There would be no game-playing or hidden thoughts and feelings. She would always know where she stood in their relationship, and that seemed to matter a great deal to Sara, especially after being Grissom's yo-yo and Hank's booty on the side.

"Nick and Sara both said they'll be here soon," Catherine informed Grissom, deciding to put her new-found realization on hold until she could question Sara and Nick. "Where do you want me to start?"

"I know exactly when it happened," Sara mumbled quietly, staring out the passenger side window, looking at the bright lights of the Vegas strip as Nick drove them back to the crime lab.

"What was that?" Nick asked, glancing over at her briefly.

Sara turned to face him and elaborated, "I said, I don't need a doctor to tell me how far along I am. I know exactly when this happened."

Nick nodded in agreement. "Yeah, me too. But I still think a doctor's appointment is a good idea to make sure everything's going smoothly if you chose to have the baby. I mean, I just want to make sure nothing's wrong and that…well, that you stay on top of your health, which you don't always do unless someone forces you to."

"I didn't say it wasn't a good idea," Sara pointed out, smiling at Nick's concern. "I just said that I didn't need a doctor to tell me when this happened."

"The first time," Nick stated.

Sara nodded, not sure what else to say. She was happy and touched that Nick was so concerned for her, and even a little surprised that he wasn't rushing her into a decision, but rather letting her feel her way out on her own. His support meant a great deal to her, and she wanted to make sure he knew that, but didn't know how to go about telling him without it coming out needy or sappy. It helped calm her fears to know that she wasn't alone, that he'd be there no matter what her decision was, however, it didn't exactly help her make a decision. Sara had been pro-choice her whole life, whether it was because she grew up in hippie California, or because she saw what unplanned and unwanted children sometimes went through in families (like her own) that didn't know how to deal with it. She had just never thought she'd be in that position herself. She'd spent her entire sexual life safeguarding against an unplanned pregnancy, and then the very first time she sleeps with her best friend, bam, baby on board, despite the condom. Yeah, sure, condoms weren't 100 percent effective all the time, but why this time with Nick and not with any of the previous men she'd slept with? Why with Nick after only one time, and not with Hank after twenty-five? Sara had long ago decided that God didn't exist, so she couldn't exactly blame this on him, however, maybe there was a reason it happened with Nick and not with anyone else. It was just something to think about.

Sara didn't even realize they'd arrived at the lab until Nick reached over and touched her arm. She startled, coming back into focus and looked around. They were parked in the garage at the lab. The car was off, and Nick was looking at her with concern.

"We're here already?" she asked stupidly.

"Yeah. You kinda zoned out for the last ten minutes. You feeling okay? If not I can turn around and bring you home again," Nick said gently.

"No, I'm fine. I just…got lost in my thoughts for a moment there," Sara assured him. "I'm actually feeling a whole lot better after you got me to eat."

Nick smiled and nodded. "Glad I could help."

"You are, you know," Sara said softly. When Nick's smile faded and was replaced with an expression of confusion, Sara finished, "Helping. I don't think I could have gotten this far and felt this sane without you."

Nick's smile returned, and he stared into her brown eyes, trying to tell her that he loved her. He hoped she got the message. Leaning across to her he slowly bent down and kissed her, right there at the lab. Sara kissed back, bringing one hand up to cup the back of his head, the other resting on the console between them. The kiss, which Nick had only intended to last for a few seconds intensified a little, and they were both a little breathless as they pulled away, smiling secretly at each other, before exiting Nick's SUV and entering the lab.

Of course, they were so absorbed in each other they didn't notice the person who'd seen it all. Hodges first looked shocked, then horrified, then embarrassed, as he watched the heated kiss between Nick and Sara. He knew this was something he wasn't supposed to be witnessing, and he knew they'd never have done this if they hadn't thought they were alone in the garage. And though he knew that he should pretend he hadn't seen anything, this was just too good and juicy not to quietly spread throughout the lab techs. He waited until Nick and Sara had entered the lab before leaving his own car and following them into the building, intending his first stop to be Archie in the A/V lab, followed by Jacquie in prints. By the end of the day, everyone would know.

Sara stared at the interview report Brass had typed up from his conversation with Sheriff Burdick's brother, sister-in-law, and two older daughters, Amanda and Stephanie. Something just wasn't adding up, she knew, but she just couldn't pinpoint what. Both David Burdick, the Sheriff's brother, and his wife Amy had left their respective jobs to meet the Sheriff and his wife for dinner. Neither had seen Katey since she left for school that morning. Amanda and Stephanie were David Burdick's daughters from his first marriage. Amanda, 19, had told Brass she had been at the UNLV library working on one of her term papers and didn't remember being asked to pick up her ten year old sister, much less actually picking her up, despite her car possibly being seen at the dance studio. Stephanie, aged 17, had been at McKinley high, playing point guard for the girls' basketball team, and had not seen her younger sister since the previous weekend. Since Nick had informed everyone who would listen that she not be allowed to drive herself around, she'd suckered Greg into being her chauffeur under the guise of training, and had him drive her to McKinley high to check Stephanie Burdick's story, which matched up with her account. She'd stayed after school to psyche the team up for a very big game with Jefferson high, and had been playing in the game at the time of Katey's kidnapping. She didn't leave the school until almost 8pm. Next, Sara had had Greg take her to UNLV, where they went to the library to ask after Amanda Burdick. No one remembered seeing her there the previous afternoon or evening, but her ID card had been used to access one of the library's computers. Sara, using it as a fingerprinting tutorial for Greg, had printed the keyboard of the computer Amanda's ID had accessed, and then they'd returned to the lab. After a quick stop to hand Jacquie the prints, who, after a few knowing smiles and sly glances, had informed Sara she'd get right on it, Sara had left Greg to his DNA lab and had holed herself up in the layout room to go over the interviews again. Amanda Burdick's alibi was flimsy, but what was her motive?

"Hey, Sar? You still feel okay?" Nick asked from the doorway to the layout room.

"Yeah, fine," Sara replied absently, still staring at Amanda Burdick's interview.

"Am I distracting you?" he asked, smiling.

"Hmm, what?" Sara asked, looking up and squinting.

"Never mind," Nick laughed. "I just wanted to check on you, and since you seem fine, I'm gonna meet up with Warrick and go through more phone records."

As Nick turned to leave, Sara called out, "Hey, Nick?"

"Yeah," he replied, reversing and coming to sit next to Sara. He reached out and started to rub her back, almost subconsciously, as she presented her findings to him. Once she was finished he commented, "I'm not sure I'm following you, Sunshine."

"What's her motive?" Sara asked, frustrated. "I mean, I'm not the expert on family, but you have a big one, so, sibling rivalry, right? Is it possible that Amanda was so upset at either something her little sister did, or maybe felt she was being treated unfairly or something that she'd take it out on the little girl? I know that sometimes, if one parent is, uh, angry at the other, well, sometimes, the kids get it taken out on them…" Sara swallowed uncomfortably, and Nick rested an arm across her shoulders to try to push away her bad memories. "Can older kids do that to younger kids?"

"This seems a little extreme," Nick began slowly, "But possible, maybe. I remember a time when two of my sisters absolutely hated each other. Ally, who was the older one, was so angry at Lauren that she intentionally spooked Lauren's horse so she'd fall off and Lauren broke her arm. It turned out that Ally was really angry at Mom because Mom was letting Lauren do many of the same things Ally was now allowed to do, like wear make-up, and Ally was almost three years older than Lauren."

"So, you're saying that Amanda's motive was more to get back at Dad than to really have anything to do with Katey?" Sara asked.

Nick shrugged. "Maybe. I don't really know what I'm talking about…"

"No, no, it makes some kind of sense," Sara said. "Amanda's from his first marriage. Katey's from the second. Maybe she's tired of him being a full time Dad to Katey and only a weekend one to her?" Sara paused thoughtfully for second, running possible scenarios in her head. "I hope Jacqui's done with those prints I gave her. If none of them belong to Amanda Burdick, this theory may be correct, and she tried to make an alibi by giving someone her ID card to use to make it look like she was at the library last night."

Nick nodded in agreement. "I just spoke to Catherine. Nothing she collected at the dance studio panned out, including the footage from the traffic camera across the street. There's a shot of Katey getting into a car that could be her sister's, but you can't see the driver or the license plate number. She has Archie trying to doctor it up, but she's not hopeful."

"Well," Sara said, "Let's go annoy Jacqui. It'll make her work faster so we can solve this case."


	12. Chapter 12

The Perfect Heart

Chapter 12: Rumors and Truths

It wasn't long before Greg Sanders heard the news. He had just arrived back at the lab for his graveyard shift in DNA when Bobby Dawson stuck his head in and asked him if he knew the Big Secret. That's how it sounded to Greg, like the words should have been capitalized. Some Big Gossip Secret was making its way around the lab apparently, and since Greg had just come on shift, he had yet to be let in on the Big Secret. So, Bobby glanced around to make sure they wouldn't be overheard or spied on, and entered Greg's DNA lab, closing the door behind him.

"What big secret?" Greg asked, always ready to hear gossip.

I heard it from Henry who heard it from Laya who heard it from someone from janitorial who heard it from someone from dayshift who heard it from…" Bobby began, only to be cut off by Greg.

"I don't need the whole grapevine history. Just spit it out!" Greg hissed.

"Supposedly someone, I think Hodges, saw Nick and Sara kissing in the parking garage," Bobby said softly, leaning over Greg's table in an attempt to keep his voice down. "It was a very long, involved kiss, if ya know what I mean."

"Nick and Sara? As in Stokes and Sidle?" Greg asked, dumbfounded. Nick and Sara? That was the last possible couple on his mind. He could have believed Warrick and Catherine. Or Archie and that girl from swing, what's her name. Or, hell, even Grissom and Sara, to some extent. But Nick and Sara? Since when did Nick have feelings for Sara, and vice versa? Sure, Greg had overheard them flirting around the lab, but that's all it was, harmless, fun flirting. It didn't mean anything, or so Greg had believed. Of course, he may be slightly biased, having a gigantic crush on Sara himself, but in the past few months had resigned himself to the fact that the only person Sara would possibly even consider dating from work was Grissom, and since the odds of that happening, in Greg's opinion, were in the negative numbers, he hadn't worried. Obviously, he'd been wrong; Sara just wasn't interested in dating him. Then, after taking a moment to mentally digest what Bobby had thrown at him, he considered the source…this person to this person to this person…etc., ending back at Hodges, who could hardly be considered a credible witness, since his agenda since coming to the lab last year was to stir up as much trouble as possible.

"So, is it true?" Bobby asked excitedly, breaking into Greg's internal thoughts.

"What?" Greg asked. "How the heck should I know?"

"Oh, sorry," Bobby replied, pulling away and standing up straight. "I just thought you might know the truth, since you're more friendly with Nick and Sara than the rest of us lab rats."

"Well, they haven't said anything to me yet. Plus, Bobby, consider the source," Greg pointed out with a knowing look.

"True," Bobby conceded slowly. "But I did see Nick and Sara together earlier, and they looked pretty cozy…"

"Nick was on Grissom's hit list the other night, because he got sent to a decomp with me rather than getting to work on the Burdick kidnapping case…" Greg said thoughtfully. "Maybe Grissom knows and was punishing Nick for stealing his girl?"

Bobby shrugged in response. "I don't know. Maybe. Maybe you could ask them? They might tell you." Seeing Grissom walking by the DNA lab, Bobby suddenly raced to the door. "Gotta go, talk to ya later." The ballistics tech took off down the hallway as fast as his two legs could carry him, determined to keep Grissom from finding out about all the gossiping that was going on.

"Hello, Greg," Grissom said amiably as he entered Greg's DNA domain.

"Hey Grissom. What can I do for you?" Greg asked, hoping Grissom couldn't read his thoughts.

"I have some DNA evidence for you to analyze and run through CODIS for me," Grissom replied, handing over a bagged Styrofoam cup and straw. "Found by the body of a victim of a hit and run, possibly tossed from the moving car."

"Sure, I'll get right on that. How's the Burdick case going?" Greg asked. He knew that if he just took the offered evidence and didn't ask about current cases Grissom would wonder what was going on inside his head and be suspicious of him all night. This way, Grissom would give him some information and then leave him alone for the rest of shift so he could quietly go about confirming or disproving the rumors surrounding Nick and Sara.

"Looks like it's a solved case now. The oldest daughter did it in an attempt to get Daddy's attention. Katey Burdick was fine. She was found tied up in Amanda Burdick's boyfriend's apartment," Grissom filled Greg in. "Don't you watch the news?"

"Nah, too depressing," Greg shot back diffidently, turning slightly to begin taking samples from the new evidence Grissom had given him.

"Sara and Nick cracked the case," Grissom added. Then, without further ado, the bugman turned and left DNA, to where, Greg had no clue. He was just glad the man was gone so he could go about finding out more about this new rumor. Once his samples were in the processor to be analyzed, he flipped open his cell phone and called Jacqui in prints. If anyone knew the latest in gossip it was Jacqui.

Sara lay in the dark curled up in the fetal position on the couch in the break room; blanket pulled up to her chin, eyes closed and one pillow over her head in an attempt to block out the light filtering in through the glass windows and the noise from under the crack of the door. She was feeling extremely nauseous again and had strategically placed the small metal garbage basket just beneath her head so all she had to do was lean over slightly if the food Nick had cooked for her decided to make another appearance. It had been about six hours since she and Nick had cracked the Katey Burdick kidnapping case and the little girl had been found in her older sister's boyfriend's apartment. She had been reunited with her parents and the Sheriff had informed CSI that he was holding a press conference in the morning that they were all to attend, she and Nick specifically, something Sara wouldn't even want to do even if she wasn't so sick. She would have left earlier and taken this graveyard shift off, but Nick was her ride home, and Grissom had placed him on another case, and honestly, she felt so terrible that she wasn't sure she should drive herself. Whoever dubbed this morning sickness, she thought, obviously had had an easy, almost yak-free pregnancy.

She heard the sounds from outside, voices talking, machines beeping, shoes clacking on the bare floors, increase in volume slightly, then decrease again almost as quickly. Someone must have opened the break room door and then closed it again. Sara fervently hoped they'd just poked their head in and had missed seeing her on the couch and then gone away. But then soft footsteps came closer and she new she'd been found out. They were not Nick's footsteps, but ones she did recognize as belonging to Jim Brass.

"Hey, Sara, you under there?" the short police detective asked quietly, bending down and gently removing the pillow from over her head.

"Yeah," Sara replied, forcing bile back down. The last thing she wanted to do was upchuck all over the detective's shoes and start even more gossip than she assumed was already going around. Sara Sidle did not get sick, and the fact that she had vomited and fainted in the women's bathroom the previous shift had caused all sorts of speculation and rumors. Most she had ignored, but one she'd overheard by chance had made her pause and have to work at schooling her expression back to normal. One of swing's DNA techs had suggested morning sickness to one of swing's print techs. Of course, Sara had marched right by them, as soon as she had wiped the shocked look off her face and pretended she hadn't heard a thing. This was no one's business but hers and Nick's and she wasn't about to dignify the gossiping with answers until she knew what she wanted. It just meant that she had a lot she had to ignore around the lab.

"I've been looking for you. Aren't you supposed to be working on the Howell case?" Brass asked, keeping his voice low, sensing she needed quiet.

Sara half-heartedly waved to the scattered pictures on the break room table. "I was going over my photos from the crime scene," she started to explain. "Then I just had to lie down."

"I heard what happened to you last night in the bathroom," Brass said with deep concern. "Shouldn't you be at home resting?"

Sara shrugged, which she found hard to do while lying in the fetal position on an uncomfortable couch. "Nick's my ride home, and Grissom has him out at a scene…"

"C'mon," Brass said, reaching out to help her stand up. "I'll have Grissom reassign your case and drive you home. You should be in bed resting after what happened yesterday. He's a jerk to keep you here."

"No, really, Jim, it's alright. I'll be fine in a few minutes," Sara protested. The last thing she wanted was the detective over at her apartment where the evidence of what was wrong was still in plain sight. She couldn't bring herself to throw the pregnancy tests away, and wouldn't let Nick do it, either. To her they were a reminded of what she faced and she refused to fall into the trap of 'out of sight, out of mind'. She wanted this to be very much in her mind, and though she knew she had some time to decide what to do, and Nick was being so wonderful and supportive, Sara also knew she only had a few weeks, and she didn't want to waste any of that time in denial of what was happening to her. And so, the tests heralding the positive results still sat lined up on her coffee table. Were Brass to drive her home, he'd insist on walking her up and getting her settled into her apartment and would then see why she was sick. It was one thing for Warrick to know about her relationship for Nick, and even for Brass to suspect, but there was no way Sara was ready to let them in on the pregnancy, especially when she wasn't sure how she felt or what she wanted.

"No, it's okay. I'd rather just wait for Nick," Sara informed Brass. "He promised me breakfast, anyway."

"Honey, you don't look like you could keep it down right now," Brass told her bluntly, seeing straight through her lie.

"I'll be fine by the time Nick gets back," Sara assured him in as strong a voice as she could. In truth, the movement of talking had stirred up her unsettled stomach and she could feel the acid and the bile slowly rising inside her. She had to get Brass out of there before he wouldn't give her a choice and carried her home. "I'm just going to take a little nap; they seem to help."

Deciding that pushing Sara any further might just start an argument that the young woman didn't need right now, Brass sighed in frustration and nodded. "Okay. I'll try to keep everyone out so you can sleep. But," she stated, pointing at her, "I'm going to have Grissom reassign your case so you can rest and once Nick takes you home, I don't want you back here for a few days, is that clear?"

Sara nodded, realizing that she might have won this battle, but Jim was determined to win the war. She expected his next stop to be Grissom, whether by phone or in person, to inform him of Sara's condition and to demand that he let Nick leave to take her home. Truthfully, Sara was actually grateful; she really wanted to go home and sleep and she really wanted Nick with her. She drifted off to sleep thinking about her boyfriend and his soft, soothing touch.

"How are things with Sara?" Warrick asked as he and Nick were collecting evidence in on of the Orpheus's hotel suites. The dead prostitute had already been taken away by David Phillips, Assistant Medical Examiner, and the gravely injured businessman was in Desert Springs Hospital. It looked like a clear cut case; the man's wife admitted to following her husband to catch him at one of many of his affairs, with the intention of killing him. The prostitute had jumped in the way of the first shot making her collateral damage.

Nick glanced around, hoping no one was in earshot when Warrick had asked his question. Luckily, he and Warrick were alone in the bedroom; he could hear Grissom's voice mixed with those of various cops and Detective Vega, asking the wife questions from the other room. "Things are fine," Nick replied quietly, not ready to share the newest revelation, even with his best friend.

"I heard she fainted last night," Warrick pressed, concerned. "Is she okay?"

"Oh, uh, yeah," Nick replied, reaching for a plausible explanation. "She hadn't eaten in a while, you know how she is. Doc checked her over and said she probably fainted from low blood sugar. I cooked for her and she felt well enough to come in to finish up on the Katey Burdick case."

"True, but as you said, you know how she is. I doubt she would have stayed home, even with her head poised over the john," Warrick answered knowingly. "There's something else besides low blood sugar and not eating, isn't there?"

Nick looked at Warrick, a deer in headlights expression on his face. He had no idea how to answer Warrick. On the one hand, he wasn't ready to talk about the baby, and possibly break Sara's confidence. Though she hadn't specifically asked him not to tell anyone, he knew that it was implied when she said she wanted time to figure this out and come to a decision. On the other hand, Nick really needed someone to talk to; he had all these thoughts and feeling over the subject and couldn't bring himself to burden Sara any more. He would tell her, if she asked, but not before; she already had enough on her plate.

"Look, Warrick," Nick said slowly, heading over and quietly closing the bedroom door. "This doesn't leave this room, alright?" After Warrick nodded his agreement, Nick came clean. "Sara's…well…Sara's pregnant."

"Well, you don't waste any time, do you?" Warrick said, laughing.

"It's not funny," Nick said indignantly, hurt that his friend could be laughing at a time like this.

"No," Warrick agreed, toning it down. "Not from your perspective it wouldn't be. I'm sorry I laughed. I'm just…relieved."

"Relieved?"

"Yeah, I really thought something was wrong with Sara. Like cancer or something," Warrick said. "I'm glad to know it's not something life-threatening. So, what are you guys gonna do?"

Nick shrugged. "Sara said she needs time to figure this out, and I agree with her. Its so much so soon in our relationship and I want us to come to the right decision, you know? Otherwise, we might not last and that's not something I want. I want to be with Sara for the rest of my life, Warrick. I love her, and I have for a long time. And Sara…well…"

"Well what?" Warrick asked, sensing Nick needed to talk about his but was hesitant. "I'm not going to tell anyone what you tell me, including Sara, if you don't want me to."

However, before Nick could elaborate, Brass and Grissom crashed their private conversation. Nick and Warrick first heard raised voiced in the sitting room of the suite, followed by actually yelling. One voice they identified as Grissom, who was supposed to be there. The other was Brass, who to their knowledge wasn't on this case, but rather on the possible arson Catherine and Sara were working. As the two younger CSIs listened, they realized the other two were arguing about Sara. Apparently, Brass was chewing Grissom a new one over giving her a new case rather than letting her go home to rest and get better. Grissom's response was that Sara was an adult, and if she wanted to take a sick day, all she had to do was ask; he wasn't her parent and wasn't going to police her. As they continued to argue, their voices got closer and closer to the bedroom door, and soon the two older men pushed open the door and marched into the bedroom, red faced and glaring at each other.

"Nicky, I think you should head back to the lab and take Sara home. She's really not well," Brass calmly informed the Texan.

"After you're done with that, you can help Catherine on her case; Warrick and I can finish up here," Grissom grudgingly added, refusing to meet Nick's eyes.

With a last glance at Warrick, silently promising to call later and talk, Nick left the crime scene, intending to take his pregnant girlfriend home and talk this out. Not the pregnancy, but the fact that both Brass and Grissom seemed to unequivocally know that he and she were together.


	13. Chapter 13

The Perfect Heart

Chapter 13: Fears in the Light

One week. It had been one week since Grissom had even uttered more than one word to her at a time. One whole week since she'd pretty much been put under Catherine's purview (and aggravatingly suspicious mind), with little to no contact with her boss. One week since Brass had implied to her that he knew about her relationship with Nick. And, one week since she'd come face to face with the fact that she was pregnant.

Sara sighed and stared at the bottle of pre-natal vitamins her doctor had prescribed for her, specially formulated for vegetarians, since she wouldn't be taking in her B vitamins and iron and proteins through meat. She'd been to see Doctor Goldstein four days ago, just to confirm with a simple blood test and ultrasound that she was, in fact pregnant, and that all five home tests hadn't been wrong. Of course, going into the appointment, Sara was sure the tests were correct; one or two she could have blown off as false positives (though her doctor told her those were very unlikely), but five? Nick had insisted on coming along with her, and she had to pretend not to see the excitement on his face when Doctor Goldstein showed them the little sack of cells that would turn into a baby. If she wanted it to. Too see Nick's excitement made that decision all the more difficult for her. Though he assured her he would support any choice she made she could see it in his eyes when he looked at the sonogram machine that he really liked the idea of having a baby. She, on the other hand, had found it hard to even look at the bundle of cells, much less get a happy grin on her face to match her boyfriend's. She hadn't even tried; she'd just asked how much longer she had before she needed to come to a decision, refusing to look at Nick as she spoke. She didn't want to see the disappointment she was sure would be in his eyes, or the frown that would form on his face. Sensing that this wasn't exactly a happy or planned event in her life, had told Sara that she was about five and a half to six weeks along, and if termination was her choice, that it should be done before she hit the ten weeks mark, to lessen complications as well as recovery time and pain.

So now, as Sara stared at the bottle debating whether or not to take her first pill, she mentally clicked off another day of indecision. She had just less than four weeks left to make her choice, and was no closer to the end than she had been when she'd taken those damn tests. The past four days had been very emotional and stressful for her. Sara had cried a lot, always alone, not sure if he sorrow was from her situation or from the hormonal surge going on in her body. Poor Nick as well. Though she hadn't exactly told him to go away, she wasn't very forthcoming with him and had spent the last few days after shift alone. She'd call him, and they'd make small talk but she absolutely refused to talk about what was happening. She could feel herself pushing him away, hurting him with her indifference and her indecision, but she was helpless to stop it. She had no idea what to do, how to act, and hated herself for starting to push away the one person who she shouldn't. After her appointment with the doctor a few days ago, she'd asked Nick to take her home and give her some time alone so she could sort through what was going on in her mind. She could tell that he was disappointed, even hurt a little, that she would rather be by herself, but he didn't argue and didn't try to finagle an invite up to her apartment. For that, Sara was eternally grateful. She knew she was going to break down and didn't particularly want Nick there to see it and get the wrong idea and think she was upset because…well, she didn't really know why. All she was sure of was that she'd never wanted to be in this position, and now that she was, she was completely clueless as to where to go. She'd decided long ago that she would never have kids, never risk passing on her family's violent behavior if it was genetic. Plus, she never thought she'd ever find someone she'd want to spend the rest of her life with and have children with. That was just something Sara figured wasn't in her cards. Her life had taught her to take care of herself, that she couldn't count on anyone, and so, her relationships suffered. She had no idea how to be in one, how to give herself completely to another, how to risk being hurt just to receive the rewards of being loved. She was learning, slowly, but she was, with Nick. She'd let Nick see her cry, risked him walking away, and he had stayed. She'd told him right away about being pregnant, rather than keeping it from him, and he'd been nothing but gentle and supportive. But, Sara knew she had a long way to go before she would be comfortable in a relationship, and have one stable enough to have a child if she even wanted one. And she knew Nick wanted kids; he just adored them, and was good with them. Maybe it was because he grew up with good parents and a large family, or maybe some people are just wired to be family people. And, though he said she'd be okay with whatever her decision was, she was sure, deep down, he'd be hurt if she had an abortion and then their relationship would probably slowly crumble. He'd just been too happy to see that picture of their fetus. First impressions are everything, and he just couldn't hide it; he was excited and happy, and how could she take that away from him just because she was scared of what might be?

That was the crux of the matter; Sara was scared of the future. She was scared that she'd be a terrible mother, not having a good role model herself, and would screw a kid up more than guide it in life. She was scared that she'd turn into one of her parents herself. Her brother had told her one night in anger that things had been fine until she came along; that once she'd been born, their parents had changed. She had listened to him, since Scott was six years older and always seemed to be right. She'd been seven at the time, and what he'd said to her then, that she was to blame for their parents' bad relationship and all the abuse it had incurred, had haunted her, followed her through her life until all she felt was guilt over the destruction of her family and fear that she could cause it to happen again with someone that she fell in love with.

And now, to top it all off with a big, fat cherry, Grissom was avoiding her. Sara was now certain that he knew about Nick and what was going on between the two of them. When Nick had come by the lab a week ago to take her home, he'd hadn't told her what had happened between the detective and their boss, but as the week went by and Grissom ignored her and continually passed her off to Catherine, she managed to piece together Catherine's gossip into a plausible story. For once, she was grateful to be assigned to work with the other woman, or she might not have any clue as to what was going on in the lab. True, Nick's constant sucky cases and decomps could also be taken as evidence that Grissom knew and was not happy at all. But it wasn't her fault; she'd given him every opportunity for almost six years to step up and make a move. He was the one who said he couldn't do it, and not to punish the guy who could and did? Sara had decided she wasn't going to wait forever, had even informed him as much after he turned her dinner invitation down after the lab explosion last year. Still, it had been nearly eight months after his rejection that Sara even considered being with another man, and that was only after hearing his confession that he'd never risk anything to be with her.

She missed him. Truth be told, she missed their friendship, or at least the one they had before she'd started seeing other people. Seeing other people. It was never a question of seeing other people, since they'd never been seeing each other in the first place. But that seemed to be how Grissom perceived it in his warped mind, and Sara was just too tired now and stressed out to really care anymore. He'd told her to get a life, but refused to build on his statement by asking her out, so she began to date Hank. And was punished for it. Then, after almost a year, and an eye-opening breakup, she made a move herself, and was instantly rejected, and then punished for months for even asking in the first place. But, at least he would talk to her, even if it was just about work and even if he often disregarded her input and seemed to not trust her or her abilities. At least they were talking. Now? Now, she was working almost exclusively with Catherine, someone that she respected greatly, but didn't get along with all that often, especially lately. Sara was still smarting over being taken off the high profile showgirl case and being replaced by Catherine because Catherine wanted the case. And though Catherine's attitude towards her seemed to have changed for the better over the past week or so, Sara wasn't sure if it was because Cath was trying to make things right, or if she was feeling sorry for Sara because of Grissom's behavior. Add to that the woman's constant barrage of questions about her health and private life and Sara was ready to tear her hair out in frustration, not sure if she meant her own or Catherine's hair.

God, was her stress level through the roof. Between her pregnancy, not wanting to hurt Nick, Grissom being a jerk, and the many faces of Catherine, Sara was surprised that she hadn't snapped from the strain of it all.

Oh, to hell with it, Sara thought, opening up the bottle of vitamins and popping one in he mouth, following it with a glass of water. It would only help if she decided to have the baby, and wouldn't hurt if in the end she decided not to.

Nick had the TV turned to the Discovery Channel where some documentary on penguins couldn't keep his interest. As much as he loved birds and the Discovery Channel, his mind just wouldn't leave the realm of Sara Sidle. He'd seen very little of her the past four days, ever since he'd dropped her home after her doctor's appointment. Sure, they saw each other at work, but Grissom kept them on separate cases, so their interaction was more of a quick hello in the locker room or break room. Nick was almost positive that Grissom was doing this on purpose and he'd find it almost funny, if he weren't so worried about Sara's health. Last night she'd looked awful, dark circles under her eyes, pale skin, and three bouts of vomiting, or so he'd heard from Catherine. He really needed to spend some time with her, if only to study her and make sure she really was okay, though deep down, he doubted that she was. This morning sickness was hard on her it seemed, and he was sure the stress of an unplanned pregnancy so early in their relationship, coupled with a Grissom who felt slighted, and a curious Catherine wasn't exactly giving Sara a stress-free life. Nick was worried that she might be becoming overstressed, and that was not good for either her or the baby. He called her every day, since she'd made it clear she needed some space and that breakfasts together were out. They mostly talked about their respective cases, or the weather; the baby was not mentioned. He'd tried to bring it up once, but Sara had done everything to try to change the subject, even going so far as to tell him about how she and Grissom met. If her plan had been to turn him off and get him to hang up, it hadn't worked; he'd pressed on, ignoring her story. Finally, Sara had resorted to telling him she was going to be sick and needed the bathroom. He knew she was lying; he could tell it by the tone of her voice, but he let it go, not wanting to argue with her and upset her more than he had.

Nick knew on some level that Sara was seriously considering having an abortion, and honestly, he couldn't fault her for that. It really was too early in their fledgling relationship to even consider a child even had Sara had a normal childhood with good role models. Add her experiences with an abusive father and the mother who killed him to time in foster care with the time span of their relationship and it was no wonder Sara was considering her options. She must be terrified of what was happening, Nick knew, but he had no idea how to help her, and then to accept his help at all. Sara had been so used to doing things on her own, so used to taking care of herself that he realized it was going to be very hard to get her to open up and let him in, let him help her and take care of her when she needed it. Of course, in Nick's eyes, that was fine with him. He had all the time in the world and Sara was definitely worth all the effort on his part. He had no regrets about starting this with her, no regrets about telling her how he felt. And he could tell that Sara was starting to come around, starting to accept a little more from him, starting to be a little more open to the possibility of allowing someone to take care of her. Otherwise, she wouldn't have let him take her home and make her something to eat when she felt sick. She wouldn't have been okay about letting him pay for breakfast every time they went out. She wouldn't have been okay with crying over dead children in front of him. It was slow, and it was little things, but in Nick's eyes, it was a big step just to have those.

And there were other, more important steps. She didn't go absolutely nuts and kick him out when he told her he'd slipped up and told Warrick about their relationship. She'd even told him some of her past, even if it was only a very small part. Hell, she'd told him about the pregnancy even though she didn't know what she wanted to do and let him come to her doctor's appointment with her. That was progress. The Sara of a few years ago would have suffered in silence.

Nick's phone ringing pulled him away from his thoughts of Sara. Reaching behind him to grab the cordless he checked his caller ID briefly and smiled as he answered. "Hey Sunshine. How are you feeling?"

"Not so good," came a weepy voice filled with sniffles

"What can I do to help?" Nick instantly asked, sitting up and paying careful attention to Sara's tone as well as her actual words.

"Can you come over?" Her voice was so soft he could barely hear it.

"I'm on my way," Nick assured her before hanging up, grabbing his car keys and fleeing his apartment, TV and lights still on. He didn't care.

Twenty minutes later he was letting himself into Sara's apartment to find her curled up on the couch sobbing her eyes out. Nick threw his keys in the general direction of her kitchen counter as he hurried to her, gathering her into his arms once he'd sat down. Sara climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her head against his neck, tears falling and leaving wet spots on the collar of his shirt. They sat like that for almost an hour as Sara cried herself out. Finally, as her sobs turned to shudders and hiccups, Nick pulled away slightly and stared into her red-rimmed eyes and smiled.

"Hey there," he said gently, brushing some of her brown hair out of her face. "You want to talk to me?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me," Sara apologized quickly, wiping tears from her face. "I hardly ever cry, but now it's all I ever seem to do. I've cried more in the past few weeks than I have in my entire life before now."

"You know, you have an easy out in this," Nick said, trying to put Sara at ease.

"Yeah? What's that?" Sara asked glumly.

"Just blame the pregnancy hormones," Nick teased, smiling. "My sister Carla, she was so emotional when she was pregnant with her second child, you didn't know how to talk to her. One minute she was sweet and happy, then suddenly she'd be crying for no reason, then seconds later she would be so angry she'd be chasing my brother-in-law out of the house with a rolling pin for something like leaving a dirty glass in the sink."

"Oh god! I don't ever want…I don't think I can…I mean, I hope I don't do something like that to you," Sara stammered.

"You're body is in a constant state of emotional flux, all those hormones. And they have a purpose, you know, mostly to protect you and the baby. So it's okay in the long run. I can take it, Sunshine. I told you, I'm here whatever you decide, even if it means running me out of the house because I left my socks in the living room. I'll give you ten minutes to calm down, then I'd come right back. I will always be here," Nick assured her seriously.

Sara frowned. "I still don't know what I'm going to do."

"I know."

"What if I decide I don't want to have the baby? Will you be hurt and angry at me?" Sara asked fearfully.

"Not at you, no, but maybe a little bit, but mostly because of the situation, Sweetie. I want to be a father someday, and yes, I'm excited that you're pregnant. But, I'm also realistic, Sara. I know we never talked about his before. Hell, we just started dating; it's way too soon to have to make a decision like this." Nick pulled her back against him and slipped a hand up the back of her shirt to rub her bare back, needing to feel her skin. "And I know you're scared."

"What if I make the wrong decision? I don't want to lose you," Sara said softly into his shoulder.

"You're not going to lose me," Nick assured her once again.

"I don't know if I can have a baby, Nick. Now or ever," Sara admitted, tightening her hold on him, anticipating the worst.

Nick closed his eyes and sighed, fighting back emotions he didn't even know he had. He loved Sara, was madly in love with her, and didn't want to be with anyone else ever. But not have kids? Never be allowed to be a father? That was one decision he had hoped he wouldn't have to make in his life. He really could understand exactly how Sara felt right then; she'd never wanted to be a mother. "Is it because of your parents? Are you afraid of me turning out to be like your father?" he asked, fearing her answer and at the same time angered by the possibility that it was the truth. How could she even think that of him? Hadn't he been supportive and loving through all this? Wasn't he patient with her, understanding of her? Didn't she realize that he couldn't even conceive of the possibility of hurting her?

"No," Sara answered firmly without hesitation. "Not of that. Never. Not you."

"That what?" Nick pressed, trying to understand this.

"What if I…" She couldn't finish her sentence; her voice choked up and tears began to fall again.

"Oh, Sara, no," Nick said soothingly, pulling her even more tightly against him. "That will never happen. You are not like either of your parents, do you hear me? You may not know what you do, but guess what? Neither do I, Sunshine. Parenting is a learn as you go job. There's no manual and each kid is different."

"How do you know I won't turn out like them?" Sara asked tearfully.

"Because you're worried that you will."

There were no more words for a while as they sat there, each thinking about what the other had said. Eventually, Sara's tears stopped flowing and she pulled away from Nick to look him in the eyes. She saw love there in those dark brown orbs, love for her, something she wasn't sure she had ever seen before. She still didn't know what she was going to do, but she did accept that no matter her choice, Nick was going to be there.

"Thanks for coming over," Sara said. "I know I've been kinda pushing you away lately. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You called me here. You have a lot on your plate right now…"

"Which I should be asking you for help with," Sara interrupted wryly.

"Sara, it's okay. I know you're not used to asking for help. I realize I can't change that or you overnight," Nick said.

"Will you stop being so understanding and polite!" Sara joked, smiling and laughing for the first time in days. "I'm trying to apologize here, something I rarely do I might add, and all you can do is tell me is that it's not necessary!"

Nick leaned in and kissed her passionately, demanding entrance to her mouth after a few seconds, which Sara gladly gave. He lowered her down onto her back, leaning over her and supporting his weight on his elbows, never once breaking their kiss. He framed her face with his hands and softly stroked her cheeks as his tongue gently caressed hers. After a few minutes, he broke the kiss and looked at her, drinking her in, memorizing her and her shy smile.

"I love you," he said sincerely, brushing some hair off her forehead.

"I love you too," she replied for the first time, making him smile grandly in pleasure.


	14. Chapter 14

The Perfect Heart

Chapter 14: The Stress Factor

Catherine led the way as she and Sara slowly made their way down one of the long hallways in the MGM Grand Hotel and Casino taking in as much of the surrounding information that they could. Every light fixture was in perfect place, no blood drops along the corridor's floor, no scratches in paint or knocked over tables. All the suite doors remained closed. To the women, it appeared as if nothing untoward had happened in this hotel, that is, until they reached murder central on the 39th floor.

The door to suite number 39-218 was ajar with two uniformed cops standing guard on either side. Yellow crime scene tape spread from one side of the door to the other. One of the cops held the tape up for the two investigators and let it down again once the women had crossed into the room. Catherine and Sara were immediately greeted by Detective Sam Vega and Doc Robbins.

"It's a busy night," Robbins said by way of greeting. "David's tapped out, so I figured I could jump back into my youth and lend a hand. I learned something, however. I am no longer young. Bending down like this is a killer on my back." He motioned to the two victims, both lying face down in overlapping pools of blood, with what appeared to be stab wounds in their backs.

"No pun intended, right?" Sara deadpanned before smiling at the Chief ME.

"Sorry. I couldn't resist," Robbins said, sounding anything but. "Let me know when you're finished with your pictures so I can transport the bodies back to my office."

"Any ID?" Catherine asked the two men.

"Both males. The one on the left, we found his wallet in his back pocket. Driver's license says his name is Jeffrey Tully from Seven Hills. He's twenty-nine years old. The other guy is as good as anyone's guess. No ID," Vega informed them.

"And until I do a proper examination, I can't even guestimate age, but he appears to be Hispanic," Robbins finished for the detective.

"Okay, thanks guys. We'll let you know," Catherine ended the conversation and then motioned for Sara to follow her. As soon as they were away from everyone else in the room and able to speak without being overheard Catherine started in on her questions. "Are you feeling okay? Is all this blood going to make you vomit, like the past three nights?"

"No, I'm feeling okay today," Sara replied dryly, not really wanting to be reminded about her stomach at a time like this. Sometimes talking about it got her nausea going.

"Because, I could always do this myself…"

"I'm fine, Cath," Sara stated firmly.

"Okay, okay. Just tell me if you feel ill, alright? Nick will never forgive me if I let you vomit all over the crime scene."

"What's Nick got to do with this?" Sara demanded, barely controlling her anger now. How dare Catherine question her ability to do her work properly.

"I only meant that you'd be upset if you ruined the crime scene and then Nick would be mad at me because I was there and didn't protect you from that," Catherine quickly tried to explain. "He's very protective of you, you know. Especially lately. Is there anything going on between you two that I should know about?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Sara evaded as best she could.

"Well, you two seem very cozy lately, and always together," Catherine pointed out.

"Look, Cath, my private life is my business only. Can we just work this scene?" Sara spit out, feeling her anger and stress levels rising exponentially at Catherine's constant picking.

"So there is something going on with Nick, huh?" Catherine practically purred in delight.

"I'll take one side, you take the other," Sara said, grabbing her kit and walking away from Catherine before she lost it at the older woman and began shouting.

"How's Sara been doing the past week?" Warrick questioned Nick as they drove to their crime scene out in Red Rock Canyon.

"About the same, I guess," Nick replied noncommittally. "She's still pretty nauseous a lot, especially when she first gets up. She actually fainted again three days ago, and I rushed her right over to Desert Palms. The doctor there said she had to take it easy and cut back on her stress level because it could endanger her and the baby. It could cause a miscarriage and Sara might hemorrhage to death."

"She's okay now though, right?" Warrick asked worriedly.

"So far, but this is all getting to her. When she fainted she'd been going on angrily about Grissom punishing her and ignoring her and Catherine's constant questions about us. And of course, rumors in the lab. She's angry and stressed out, and I don't know how to help her, short of asking her to take a few days off, but that won't really solve the problem," Nick vented. "Plus, she still doesn't know what she's going to do. She only has about two weeks left to make the decision, and the stress of that isn't helping the stress from work. She isn't sure what she wants."

"And what do you want?" Warrick asked.

"To be with Sara," Nick replied without hesitation.

"I mean with regards to the baby," Warrick forced, not letting Nick off the hook.

Nick sighed deeply before answering. "Sure, I want to have a baby with Sara. I want to be with her the rest of my life. But I can't fault her for thinking this is too soon for a baby and possibly making the decision to have an abortion. A part of me even agrees with that a little, I think. It is too soon, and not necessarily the wrong decision, if that's her choice. And then I wonder if maybe this is our only shot, you know? We don't know what the future holds, and we may never get another chance to have a baby. Maybe there's never a right time to have a baby and we should just take it as it comes. But I don't want Sara to have the baby because she thinks she should for me, and then end up resenting me and the kid. And I don't want to resent her, either. I love her. It's just all so difficult, and I'm so sorry I put Sara in this position."

Warrick nodded in sympathy. His friends were in a tough spot. "I wouldn't want to change places with you for all the money in the Palms Casino," Warrick said sadly. "But you guys will figure this out and do what's right for the both of you."

"I hope so. It isn't easy," Nick said softly, staring out the passenger window, thinking only of Sara.

"If there's anything I can do to help, especially about Sara being over stressed, just let me know, I'll be glad to do it," Warrick offered. In truth, what Nick had just revealed to him scared him. Sara's life could be in danger if she became too stressed out. The last thing he wanted was to lose his friend, and he'd be damned if it was going to happen because of work. Warrick decided at that moment to take matters into his own hands without telling Nick and Sara what he was doing. He'd end the rumors, get Catherine to back off, and give Grissom a piece of his mind. Sara was the closest thing he had to a sister, which made Nick a kind of brother, and he'd do anything to help them and protect them. They already had too much to deal with just being pregnant; he'd take care of the rest, and then hopefully Sara would be okay and she and Nick could figure out their next course of action. As soon as they reviewed the crime scene, he 'd go back to the lab under the guise of collecting evidence from the autopsy so that he could smooth things over at the lab, leaving Nick out here to collect what he could from the scene and thus preventing him from finding out.

"I heard that she and Nick have been secretly dating since she came to Vegas," Mandy said to Jacqui as the two fingerprint techs worked together to identify all 147 different prints from Catherine's hotel crime scene.

Jacqui shook her head. "Nah, I don't think so, though they did flirt like high school kids a lot. Besides, didn't Sara date some doctor guy for a while last year?"

"He was a paramedic, I think," Mandy corrected. "And she and Nick had broken up for that year and then got back together after Sara broke up with the other guy."

Jacqui snorted. "That's lame. I don't think they began dating until after the paramedic guy. I think she left him to be with Nick. I know I would. Nick's our own McDreamy."

"Or McSteamy," Mandy kidded back, referencing one of the few television shows she and Jacqui both watch.

"I wonder how their relationship will fare after one is chosen over the other for the CSI promotion," Jacqui continued. "That'll certainly confuse things, cause tension to rise…that's one of the reasons co-workers are discouraged from dating."

"Maybe that's why Grissom never made a move here in Vegas," Mandy suggested. "It was just a San Francisco affair, teacher and student." Of all the rumors that had run around the lab after Grissom had specifically chosen Sara to join his team, only one remained strong, and that was that Grissom and Sara had been involved back when she was in San Francisco and he was traveling more to give lectures.

"Or maybe he did, but they broke up. They haven't been getting along lately," Jacqui pointed out.

"But then that completely refutes the rumor where Nick and Sara were secretly dating since she came here," Mandy said. "Which one is true?"

"Maybe none, since they are rumors," Sara said hotly as she marched into the print lab and handed over three ten cards she'd gotten from down in the morgue. "The prints on our three victims, so you can match them to some of the prints we took from the crime scene." She practically threw the ten cards at the two techs and then turned on her heel and marched out, seething in anger. How dare they, she thought. How dare they speculate on my life, my private life! Sara had never been one to engage in idle gossip and rumor spreading around the lab. In truth, though some rumors could be funny, she found the whole idea to be pointless and even a little insulting to the person the rumors were about. It was called a private life for a reason.

This was not the first time she'd heard rumors floating around the lab over the last week or two pertaining to her and Nick and some secret love affair. Or even the first time she'd heard about a possible torrid affair she had with Grissom back in San Francisco. But this was the first time it really bothered her to hear all the gossip, and she wasn't sure why. Maybe it had something to do with her ever changing hormones, or the fact that she and Nick really were together and happy and didn't want the rumors to belittle that. Or that Grissom could be using them as a protective shield to isolate himself from her, thus ruining their friendship and punishing her for being with someone else. And the rumors could be triggering Catherine's constant barrage of question, since she was known around the lab (secretly of course) as the rumor queen, taking second only to the king, a.k.a. David Hodges.

Once again, as Sara called after her supervisor, Grissom pretended he didn't hear her. He just kept walking away from her and entered Greg's DNA lab, closing the glass door behind him. Sara growled in frustration and marched angrily after him, determined that he wasn't going to get away with it this time. She'd spent the past ten days allowing Grissom to sulk and lick his wounds, even though he really didn't deserve it. It wasn't as if they'd been dating and she broke up with him; he'd never made the effort to put aside his fears and tell her how he really felt about her. Still, Sara gave him his space and let him ignore her until he was blue in the face. She'd put up with Catherine's constant fishing expeditions into her life just so Grissom could feel more comfortable, but now she was damn tired of it all. It wasn't her fault she'd gone and fallen in love with Nick and she sure as hell wasn't going to let him punish her for it any longer. It had been his decision to keep her on a yoyo string since she'd come to Vegas, and now that he'd let go one too many times, hurt her one too many times, she wasn't snapping back up into his hand. It was his fault and no one else's, and it was time he faced that fact and dealt with it; it wasn't fair to her or Nick or to the rest of the team who were inevitable put in the middle of their silent game of tug of war.

Sara pushed open the door to DNA and came to a halt just inside the lab, hands on her hips, eyes narrowed, nostrils slightly flaring in anger. "Didn't you hear me calling for you?" she demanded without preamble, completely ignoring Greg and staring intently at Grissom.

"Uh, no," Grissom played innocent. "Can you wait outside while Greg and I finish this?"

"No," Sara replied simply, now tapping her foot in an attempt to bleed off some energy and anger.

"Excuse me?" Grissom asked, shocked. He turned from Greg to look at Sara, surprise evident in his eyes. Sure, Sara had challenged him before, stood up to him before, but never like this. Never in front of others and certainly not with this level of forcefulness and anger. There was that time when he'd asked her to clean up his meat experiment and she angrily informed him she was a vegetarian, as if he should have know that. And truthfully, he realized after the fact, that he should have known. He'd felt terrible and had made it his mission to learn more about her, as well as the others on his team. His plant had gone a long way as an apology, it seemed, because she'd withdrawn her leave of absence request and things between them had gotten better. Until Hank, of course, but that was something Grissom was constantly trying to push out of his mind. Then, she'd challenged him twice only a few months ago. The first time had been when he'd told her she had to put her homicide case on hold to help with Warrick's case and the inadmissible evidence. She'd challenged him right in the conference room with the rest of the team present, but had immediately backed down when he'd put his foot down. The second time had been when Catherine wanted the case of the murdered showgirl and he'd then took it away from Sara and Nick to give to her. In that case as well, Sara had made her feelings on the subject known, but she'd backed down again.

It didn't look as if she was going to back down this time.

"You heard me," she said softly, but dangerously.

"Sara," Grissom warned, "you're dangerously close to insubordination."

"I. Don't. Care," Sara stated firmly. "I'm sick of this, Grissom. I'm sick of being punished for things that are your fault."

"I'm not punishing you for anything," Grissom argued.

"Yes. You are."

"Maybe I should leave…" Greg started to say cautiously, almost fearing for his life. The tension in the room had jumped up ten degrees and he could see that Grissom and Sara were about to have a verbal fight of biblical proportions. There was no way he wanted to be in the line of fire; in fact, he feared his lab would once again explode, though this time it would be figurative.

"No, Greg, you don't have to go," Sara told him, still staring directly at Grissom. "I don't care if you hear what I have to say. In fact…" She turned over her shoulder and raised her voice so she could be heard down the hallway and in most of the labs nearest DNA, "I don't care if the whole lab hears what I have to say. Maybe it will dispel all the rumors that are flying around about my private life, which is really no one else's business anyway!" She once again faced Grissom and, keeping her voice loud, continued, "I am in love with Nick Stokes and I am sick and tired of you punishing me for it, Grissom. Six years, Grissom. You had six years to do something, and you did nothing. You didn't think I was worth the risk, and now that I found someone who thinks I am, you're angry at yourself for missing your chance and are taking it out on me. That is not fair. You can't ignore me anymore. You can't pass me off to Catherine anymore because you don't want to deal with me or what's going on inside that closed off mind of yours. I am not your personal yoyo to play with…"

"That is enough, Sara," Grissom interrupted, his voice deadly quiet, his face red with anger.

"Hardly," Sara replied, "But I think I got my point across nicely. I'm with Nick now and you need to accept that and move on. You made your choice, Grissom, and I made mine." With that, Sara turned briskly and marched out of the DNA lab and down the hall, trying to put as much distance between herself and Grissom as she could. She walked as quickly as she could down the hall, making her way to the bathroom in the locker room so she could throw up. Stress and anger brought out her nausea, and she could feel the food and bile surfacing. Great, just another thing she didn't need right now. She tried her best to calm down, taking the doctor's warning to heart, but there was only so much she could do on her own. Short of quitting until after the baby was born, she wasn't sure how to decrease the stress her job was bringing on, and she just couldn't quit her job. Besides, if she really looked at the larger picture, it wasn't the job per se that was stressing her out, but the people she worked with. Grissom. Catherine. The lab techs. There was no way to avoid it.

Now thoroughly frustrated and angry, Sara slammed into the locker room and raced over to the bathroom, barely making it to a sink in time before the food Nick had made for her with made another appearance. After she emptied her stomach and went through a few rounds of dry heaving, she cleaned up as best she could and stomped over to her locker, not even noticing Warrick just at the other end of the room. Muttering to herself about jackass bosses, nosy CSIs and gossipy techs, and morning sickness, she grabbed the lock and began spinning in her combination, missing it three times before kicking the locker and then sitting down heavily on the bench behind her. She dropped her head into her hands and groaned loudly.

"Hey, you okay?" Warrick asked cautiously from across the room. It appeared to him as if Sara was in a dark mood and he didn't want to end up her next target after what he'd just seen her do to her poor locker. He knew, after having a long conversation with Nick the other day that Sara's pregnancy was causing sharp mood swings, and she seemed to be in a doozy of one now.

"Huh?" Sara asked quickly, looking up in confusion and scanning around the locker room until her eyes fell on Warrick. "Sorry. Didn't know anyone else was in here."

"It's okay," Warrick replied, not sure what to say to calm his friend down. Taking a leap he said, "What did Nicky-boy do to piss you off?"

"What? Nothing. This isn't about Nick," Sara assured him. "It's the rumors everyone keeps spreading. It's Grissom being a jerk. It's Catherine bombarding me with questions. Why can't everyone just lay off?"

Sensing that Sara's anger was deflating, Warrick ventured over to the bench and sat down next to her. "Part of it is a need to know thing. Everyone's curious since you and Grissom aren't taking right now, and Nick's constantly checking up on you. And you fainted in the bathroom, Sara. That's worth a whole month of gossip right there."

Sara laughed. "Hey, even I'm allowed to get sick sometimes. I'm not Superman, or Supergirl."

"Actually, it's Batgirl," Warrick corrected playfully. "In your case, I'd probably equate you more with Wonder Woman. But you're hotter."

"Thanks, War," Sara replied, smiling at her friend. "I'm not sure why I'm so angry about the rumor, but I am."

"No one likes to have their private life be the subject of office speculation," Warrick said softly. "Though I'm surprised no one's guessed the actual truth, even with your fainting spell."

"Nick told you," Sara stated emotionlessly.

"Yeah. He was going crazy and had to talk to someone," Warrick defended his friend. "You know I won't tell anyone, right?"

"No, I know that," Sara quickly assured the other CSI. "I just…well…I wish he'd talked to me first about it, especially since I still don't know what to do about it all." Sara sighed and looked at Warrick, hoping to find some answers written on her friend's face. Nothing. Not a single idea was reflected in his dark eyes.

"You don't look so well, Sara. And I'm sure you weren't just washing your face in the bathroom for no reason," Warrick said softly, rubbing her back. "Why don't you go home and get some rest. I'll cover for you."

Sara opened her mouth, about to protest, but thought better of it. For once, she was going to put herself first, and the baby, even if she wasn't sure about having it yet. But just in case she did…well, it was better to take care of herself. "Okay," she replied without argument. Then, as she stood up, everything became fuzzy. She started to sway, she could hear Warrick calling her name, but he sounded so far away. She tried to reach out for him, and then everything went black for a third time.

Warrick caught Sara as she fell, lowering her down gently. He tried to wake her, and when she wouldn't respond, he called out for help. Greg appeared in the locker room door, took one look at an unconscious Sara and a worried Warrick and pulled out his cell phone, dialing 911.

"Yes, we need an ambulance at the Vegas Crime Lab," Greg practically shouted at the dispatcher. "The locker room, one of our CSIs fainted and we can't wake her up. I don't know why, just hurry. She's bleeding."

At Greg's words, Warrick looked over Sara and noticed the blood on her pants. Saying a silent prayer, he held her hand and hoped what he thought he was wrong about what was happening. But after his conversation with Nick earlier, he doubted it. "Go wait outside for the ambulance," he ordered Greg, mostly to just get the guy out of the way before he called Nick. That should be a private conversation in light of the whole situation, and one he dreaded having. Using his free hand, he pulled out his cell phone and dialed Nick's number, trying to figure out what to say to his already worried friend.


	15. Chapter 15

The Perfect Heart

Chapter 15: Waiting in Limbo

Nick sat in one of the uncomfortable guest chairs in Sara's hospital room silently wishing for her to finally open her eyes and tell him she was okay. She looked awfully small in that hospital bed, and the white sheets and gown made her seem even paler that she was. Of course, the dark circles under her closed eyes didn't help any, nor the IV line inserted in a vein on her right hand which allowed much needed electrolytes to drip into her system. She'd been hooked up to another IV line until about a half hour ago, that one having been a slow blood transfusion. Thankfully, her red blood cell count had risen back into normal levels and stabilized with the transfusion and was no longer in danger of dying from blood loss. But she had yet to wake up. It had been nearly fifteen hours since she had fainted on Warrick in the locker room in the CSI lab, and she had yet to open her eyes, squeeze his hand, or give any sign that she was close to waking. Her doctor assured Nick it wasn't because she wasn't going to wake up, but rather because of the trauma her body had just gone through; it needed time to recuperate and build strength back up, and the easiest was to do that was through sleep.

When he'd gotten the terrible phone call from Warrick he'd been about to leave the crimes scene having stowed away all evidence in his department issued SUV. He'd thrown proper protocol out the window, however, and had raced to the hospital rather than the lab to log his evidence. He knew there would be chain of custody issues as well issues over his decision to break protocol, but he didn't care; Sara was much more important to him that the case. At the hospital, Warrick had quickly filled him in on what he knew, which wasn't much to say the least. Sara was still in with the doctors and they were still trying to stop the bleeding with drugs. He then squeezed Nick's shoulder in support, took the SUV keys from his co-worker, and left to bring the evidence in, after making Nick promise to call in a half hour with an update, even if there was nothing new to report.

And now, fifteen hours later, Nick thought to himself, shaking his head in frustration. Fifteen hours and all they'd managed to do was stop the bleeding, thankfully without surgery. But Sara wasn't waking up yet, and they were no longer going to have a baby.

Everyone from the lab had stopped by over the past fifteen hours, even Hodges and Ecklie, but the only people Nick had let in the room with him and Sara had been Warrick and Greg. Warrick because he had been there, knew it all, and had been a pillar of support for both Nick and Sara. Greg, Nick had allowed, because he knew Sara would have wanted him there. She and the lab tech were pretty close, and she would have wanted him in the know, especially since he'd called the ambulance and brought the paramedics to her in the locker room. Plus, he was Greg and he'd been so worried, and Nick knew the younger man was better of knowing what had happened than worrying himself sick with what ifs and possibilities. Neither of them had stayed too long, mostly out of respect for Nick and Sara, and because it was hard to see her looking so small and vulnerable in that hospital bed. Sara had always appeared so strong, and to see her like she now was instilled fear in the two men. No matter what happened, Sara had always been the rock everyone held on to, but now? Now, everything they ever thought they new was shattered into a million pieces, and it was a frightening concept to wrap one's mind around.

"Hey there," Nick finally spoke to his girlfriend. "I don't know if you can hear me, or sense that I'm here, but I just…I need you to wake up, okay? I need you to tell me you're going to be okay." He reached out and stroked the side of her face with the back of his knuckles. "I'm scared, Sara, and I need you with me. I can't lose you, so you have to wake up now." He didn't expect a response, not this time, or like the previous ten times he'd tried talking to her to get her to open her eyes, or squeeze his hand. No response came.

Catherine cornered Greg in his DNA lab. Greg knew why Sara had been rushed to the hospital. Greg had been allowed in Sara's hospital room, where only Nick and Warrick had been allowed in as well. Nick was still there and not seeing anyone right now, so Catherine couldn't ask him what was wrong. And Warrick had blown her off, telling her that unless Sara told him otherwise, he wasn't going to breathe a word.

"It's private, Catherine, and not for public consumption," Warrick had practically snarled at her when she kept pressing him for details.

"I know that!" she had snapped back indignantly. "I'm just worried. One of my friends is in the hospital and you're the only one here who knows why!"

"And it can stay that way for all I care!" Warrick had shouted back. "This is Nick and Sara's business and I, for one, and going to leave it at that! The very last thing Sara needs right now is more rumors and gossip around the lab. Like the stress of it before with the techs, Grissom, and you, wasn't enough for her!"

"Warrick…" Catherine had said, suddenly contrite as his words finally hit home.

"Just go away Cath, before I say something we'll both regret later," Warrick had warned her softly, shaking his head and staring at the floor.

And so Catherine had left him alone in the corridor outside the ballistics lab with every lab tech looking on from the doorways to their respective labs. She marched passed them all, head down so that she wouldn't be forced to make eye contact with anyone and see the sorrowful expression on her face. She'd gone too far; she knew that now. She'd pushed too much at Sara and now Warrick seemed to have reason to believe that had been part of why Sara was in the hospital. He hadn't come right out and said it point blank to her face, but she could read between the lines as well as his body language. He was in full protective mode, and for once it wasn't her that he was protecting, but rather Sara and Nick, and god held anyone who stood in his way. She didn't want to share the commiserating looks the lab techs and other CSIs would have on their faces after hearing Warrick's outburst.

As she had passed by Greg's DNA lab, she took a hard right and swung into the young man's domain, intent on getting some information out of him. Though she knew that Greg couldn't be bullied easily, he was a far cry from Warrick and his overzealous loyalty. She coughed to announce her presence and watched a war of emotions do battle on Greg's face before settling on equal parts sympathy and resoluteness. She wasn't going to get anything out of the DNA tech without force.

"Greg, look, before you begin by saying that it isn't your place to talk, let me just say that I'm just a worried about Sara as you are, and I want to help, but I can't if I don't know what's going on," Catherine said before Greg could chase her away, hoping a preemptive strike about being caring and concerned could win her brownie points. The blonde CSI rubbed the back of her neck and looked down at the floor apologetically. "I know that Sara and I haven't exactly been the best of friends, and I'm sure a lot of that's my fault. I just want to put that behind us and start over. I want to know how to help."

"Then just back off," Greg said quietly. "The last thing she needs right now is a lot of questions from nosy people and rumors about this and that within earshot."

"There wouldn't be any rumors if she and Nick weren't keeping any secrets," Catherine replied defensively.

"So they're not allowed a private life?" Greg countered, trying desperately to stay calm and not cause anymore difficulties for his friend in the hospital.

"No, that's not what I'm saying," Catherine countered. "I just mean that friends shouldn't keep secrets from each other. They shouldn't be afraid to talk to each other."

"You have to trust someone in order to do that. Tell me, have you given Sara and Nick any reason lately to trust you?" Greg said softly, looking at Catherine for the first time since she'd entered his lab. "No, you haven't. You didn't stand up to Grissom to help Sara and you certainly have been hounding her with enough questions to make her rethink ever telling you anything ever again. Back off, and then maybe, when they see you aren't out for gossip, then they might come to you."

"It was never about gossip, Greg. I just wanted to know the truth," Catherine said.

"And it was always there, Catherine. They never hid their relationship; they just didn't announce it to the world."

Detective Jim Brass walked swiftly down the hospital corridor, reading the room numbers, looking for 3-457. Sara's room. He had a small bouquet of night lilies, which he knew to be her favorite flower from an offhanded remark she'd made once. She'd said it was ironic that her favorite flower was the flower most often used at funerals, especially considering her life and her job. He'd only understood part of that comment, but it had stuck in his mind, lending belief that something tragic had happened in the woman's life before he'd met her. He'd buried her words in his mind for future investigation, and had only remembered them recently when he'd been trying to decide what type of flower to bring to her.

Finding the door to room 3-457 closed, he knocked gently and waited. Warrick had warned him that Nick wasn't letting anyone in, and so he should remain outside until he answered the door. A few moments later, the door cracked open and Nick stood there, blocking his view of the woman he'd hopefully get to see. "Hey, Nick. I just wanted to stop by and give these to Sara and see if there's anything I can do to help."

Brass stood there as Nick looked him up and down, seemingly gauging the detective's demeanor and reason for coming. Brass knew most people from the lab who had stopped by had done so only to find out what had happened. To Brass, that wasn't important; only Sara was and if she was okay. It didn't matter to him the reason she was in the hospital, only that she was and needed her friends.

"Those are her favorite," Nick replied quietly, nodding his head at the lilies.

"I know. She mentioned that once," Brass said.

Nick then stepped aside and let the detective into the room. Brass paused as soon as he'd entered, not believing that the pale woman in the bed was Sara. She looked so sick, so weak and vulnerable that Brass didn't want to believe it was the same person he'd known for the past three and a half years. Sara was always so strong and independent, and to see her hooked up to machines and IV bags broke his heart. Whatever was wrong with her was serious, serious enough to have turned Nick into a protective sentinel and Warrick and Greg into avid supporters. The first idea that came to mind was that she had some terrible illness or disease, the big one being cancer, and that her chances weren't good. Or maybe something degenerative, like multiple sclerosis. He ruled out an injury such as being shot or stabbed, since this had happened in the lab's locker room with Warrick present and not at an unsecured crime scene. There was one other possibility that came to mind, and he almost ruled that out, being very improbably, except that it wasn't. She was seeing someone and so…well, it was possible, though not something he'd have believed Sara would have ever let herself have to deal with.

Nick walked past him and took his seat, reaching out and holding one of her hands. "Come on in, Jim," he offered. "There's another seat."

"Thanks," Brass said, snapping out of his thoughts. He approached Sara in the bed, leaning over and giving her a fatherly kiss on her forehead before settling into the chair opposite Nick. He took a moment to study the other man in the room, taking in the dark circles under his eyes, the slump of his shoulders, the worried expression on his face as he stared at the woman in the bed. Nick didn't look like he'd slept at all since he'd raced to the hospital. In fact, he looked downright exhausted. And, if he hadn't slept at all in the past eighteen hours, then he surely wouldn't have had anything to eat, either. Brass silently cursed himself for not thinking of that before and bringing something for Nick to eat. "I can sit with her for a while, if you want to go grab something to eat or catch a few winks. I'm off duty and there's nowhere else I'd rather be."

Nick sighed, his exhaustion evident. "No, it's okay. I have to be here. I can't sleep right now because I'm afraid that she'd wake up while I'm sleeping. I have to see her wake up. I have to be here and talk to her, reassure her, and, of course, be the one to break the news to her about the baby. It has to come from me."

"Okay, Son," Brass replied. He had suspected, but to actually hear that statement come out of Nicks' mouth still shocked the detective. However, he had the good grace not to look surprised or to pry. Instead, he stood up and offered, "Then how about I run down to the cafeteria and find you something edible?" He didn't get a response, nor did he actually believe that he would; the man was too focused on Sara. Just as Brass was about to leave the room, he heard Nick call out softly to him.

"Just you and Warrick and Greg know."

"And most likely Grissom," Brass informed him.

"What?" Nick demanded, standing up in shock and disbelief.

"He's the supervisor, and this happened at work, so he gets sent a copy of her medical report," Brass said softly, turning and leaving the hospital room, determined to help Nick and Sara any way he could, even if it was only with a bouquet of flowers, food, and as an iron door between them and Grissom.


End file.
